h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Feel like taking time off. Be by myself and reach new heights of awareness and, you know, whatever. It takes self discipline even to relax (where relaxing is defined as doing all those things you are supposed to enjoy, always miss, and never get around to).
I wish I was someone else, or that someone else was me, perhaps someone else might have done something useful or fulfilling and lived happily ever after. I mean it's not that i am lacking in mental ability, or find it difficult to grasp simpler concepts, I can can't make myself do it. And someone else might find me more useful, and I would have an escape.

Mind Game: If you could do it over again would you get married?
I am not a gambler, I want to know what my alternative life would have looked like before I make that choice.

But maybe no...I have lived this life now, if I kept the experience, the memories, then maybe I'd choose the other life given the chance. Mind you, this has nothing to do with love. So little has. isn't that sad? I don't really seem to feel, too caught up in myself to feel tender towards others.
As it is, I have the choice now to walk away and I won't because there is nowhere to go, because I am afraid, because i don't want to? I know I'd screw it up, end up living in a dumpster drinking aftershave. And perhaps I don't want to.
Does it matter?

I feel at ease with this life, now, here, and still how the excitement of the falling in love pulls, exploring. Am I a bad person? Perhaps. Or honest. Whatever strikes your fancy.
But it's a melancholic longing, after all I did usually "make a fool of myself in matters of the heart". I can't tell what's keeping it together now. Magic glue?

I am a daydreamer. It is my greatest talent. I can imagine another kind of me, while going to work and coming back home, up and down the highway. I can imagine a safer me, a more sure me, a calm me living in a small house with a small kitchen, with mint tea almost done. And bookshelves filled of good books, not too far from the nearest library, and a little study with a computer, and a view of a lake, or even a glimpse of the sea line. Another me, with simpler needs, who doesn't have to be reassured of my value, who doesn't have to achieve or retreat to antidepressants.
I am a daydreamer.