h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have been mudding a lot lately. That really can't be good for me.
You want to come and see? Point telnet at nuclearwar.dhs.org 4080.
I find myself constantly wanting ppl to forgive me. I am on a search for redemption. What the hell is wrong with me? This need makes me sense hostility where there is none. I imagine ppl being angry with me, when in reality they don't give a f**k.
I can remember me always having this problem, thinking I'm more to my surroundings then I really am. it's really quite distrurbing.
Lately I have also found myself breaking a year long silence. For someone who used to talk way too much about way too personal things with all the wrong ppl that's a long silence, and I am, of course breaking it for all the wrong reasons.
Why am I me? It's really hurtfull to wake up in the morning and realize I'm still me. What am I doing here? Why am I here when I so obviously don't belong?
It's some f**ked up b*****d that's putting me here out of spite. Here, among these ppl whom I will never be able to understand and who wont even care to understand me because I am a pissant among millions of other pissants.