h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Next weekend, I'll be cowering and crawling around under a table while a woman hurls abuse at me and bangs a shoe on the table. With a bit of luck, several dozen paying customers will be there to witness this spectacle.

Before the Moderators move in, I'd better add that I'll be doing all this in the name of drama. I've landed two small roles in the Bradford University Theatre Group's production of 'Bars' - an evening of short playlets on the theme of bars, the word being defined however the writer chooses. One of the pieces I'm in is called 'Table Dancing', and features the above scenario. I've asked Mina and she insists that she didn't write it.

My other appearance comes in 'All Furniture Is Quite Useless', an amusing little number about a publican who returns to his pub one day to find that one of his staff has sold all the tables and chairs. I play the one customer so dedicatedly that not even this makes him leave the pub. Considering my history, you could say that I spent years preparing for that role.

Anyway, it all takes place at the Theatre In The Mill, Bradford University, next Friday and Saturday (the 24th and 25th) at 7:30pm. And if you're in the area, tickets are a snip at £4.50 (concessions £2.50)!