h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is during the ardor of the holiday season that I ponder on the happy condition of slaves. They have little excess with which to dote upon completely undeserving individuals and few (if any) social obligations. It is then that I realize that I have fallen into the most miserable pit ever created by the etiquette irrevocably decreed by forgotten tradition and useless repetition. I am the son of parents in middle class America. I am a slave after a fashion; my dad has boxes that need moving or walls painted, so his free labor jumps to with all the enthusiasm of a tired old badger thoughtfully ruminating on the origins and potential futures of science fiction and comic books. But my servile condition does not free me from the tedious labor of forced socialization. My parents have friends and relations that haven't seen me since I was spitting up various nasty morsels of sewage that my relentless parents forced me to consume despite my wailing protests. So, I have to put on good clothes (not too bothersome), and make small talk with people who cant understand my major (Food Science is not Nutrition, but laymen cant't grasp the difference) and don't have an interest in my hobbies (who considers people watching a hobby?). The worst of both worlds has been thrust unjustly upon me. But I got about a thousand pages of Arthur C Clarke's finest Sci-Fi for Christmas, so I avoided the work and the people and fell into the most beloved niche in all the world: I reached Nerdvana