h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not talking about the furry feline variety, but the soon-to-be ex-premiership team called Sunderland.

Portsmouth at 4/11 were rather expected to send Sunderland packing by about three goals to nil. So, when Sunderland open the scoring part way through the second half, the net result, considering that we have no access to away supporters, and that Sunderland are already relegated, means that 90% of the bets down in the frozen north go straight into the losers pile. Good for Ladbrokes it may be, but good for Pompey's premiership position it isn't.

Less then four minutes later, Svetoslav Todorov brings things level.

Down in the shed, I've had over forty matches of learning how to read the crowd noise, and the noise that means 'Penalty' was duly sounded by about eight thousand people. With a 'Thats MINE!' gesture, Matthew Taylor slams one home two minutes before regulation time ended.

I didn't have a chance to talk to any players this week, as I was late back to base, but three weeks ago, I asked Linvoy Primus if he'd possibly mind getting the goals in just a little earlier than the second half, as it gives me a chance to get all five hundred-plus bets settled. Evidently, that message didn't get through to the rest of the team.

The next, and final, match is Liverpool. As they won their through to the FA Cup final in three weeks time, have already qualified for Europe next season, and cannot now win the premiership, we hope that they will field the 'Z' team on super Sunday.

Birmingham require snookers. Two points behind is not good for them. If Portsmouth can beat either Wigan or Liverpool, then Birmingham MUST win both games against Newcastle and Bolton. If Birmingham win only one, Portsmouth only need win one to shut them out. If Birmingham get two draws, Portsmouth need only one draw.

The ideal result is a win for Pompey away at Wigan, and a loss for Birmingham next week, and it is GAME OVER. We can relax then, but I have a feeling in my bones that fingernails will be the main course over the next two weeks.