h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Doctor Who Enemies: Weeping Angels - A88025664
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

This had left Peer Review but had not made the front page - this is the state it was in when it left Peer Review.

<BB<

Hi BB.

I've had a quick look.

The list at the top looks all wrong in Pliny but I seem to remember this sorts itself out when the entry is made Edited.

has been a television series which has involved monsters -->
has been a television series which involves monsters

21st century's --> 21st Century's

The following sentence needs some work:

When encountering a target their touch would send them back in time and letting them live out their lives in a previous time period, and absorb the time energy of what their life in the present would have been.

Firstly, it's not clear who you are referring to with the various "they" and "their" words. Secondly, the grammar is wrong: "would send them back and letting".

I suggest:

When encountering a target, the Angel's touch would send the victim back in time, letting them live out their life in a previous time period. The Angel absorbs the time energy of what the victim's life in the present would have been.

Even then I'm not totally happy with that second sentence, but then, I don't know what exactly it means.

such as a TARDIS, radioactive spaceship or crack in time -->
such as a TARDIS, a radioactive spaceship or a crack in time

both creating impenetrable deadlock seals where there are none -- what does "none" mean here? Do you mean no seals? It's not clear.

Despite being called 'lonely assassins' and unable to even look at others of their species, Angels work hard to rescue others of their species.

- the repetition of "others of their species" is bad. Try this:

Despite being called 'lonely assassins' and unable to even look at others of their species, Angels work hard to rescue each other.

"One angel crashed a starliner onto a planet with starving Angels in order to give them a food supply, while when Julius Grayle captured an Angel in his mansion, others came to free it."

Split this up to avoid "while when":

One angel crashed a starliner onto a planet with starving Angels in order to give them a food supply. When Julius Grayle captured an Angel in his mansion, others came to free it.

'shell's covering their eyes --> 'shells' covering their eyes

The story was partly based on a short story written for the 2006 Doctor Who Annual titled '"What I Did on My Christmas Holidays" By Sally Sparrow', the episode won the 2008 BAFTA Best Writer and Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation, Short Form awards.

You have a comma separating two sentences here:

The story was partly based on a short story written for the 2006 Doctor Who Annual titled '"What I Did on My Christmas Holidays" By Sally Sparrow'. The episode won the 2008 BAFTA Best Writer and Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation, Short Form awards.

It has also consistently been considered one of the top two Doctor Who episodes of all time, in 2007, 2012 and 2014 polls. The episode also introduced the line 'wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey', which has been often repeated.

- two sentences in a row with "also" in them. Try and reduce the number of alsos. In this case, remove the first one.

"he Doctor and Amy are summoned from the Museum of the Headless Monks to the 51st Century by the mysterious River Song, who is helping the Church of the Papal Mainframe locate a Weeping Angel that is dormant on the starliner Byzantium, which has crash-landed into a labyrinthine mausoleum on the planet Alfava Metraxis." - this is too long, with both a "who" clause and a "which" clause. Break it into separate sentences.

You also could remove the reference to the Museum of the Headless Monks as it is not relevant to the story.

Yet the Weeping Angels is not the only force -->
Yet the Weeping Angels are not the only force

after being chased by cherubs, baby angels, where he encounters River --> this sounds as if he goes somewhere to meet River and gets chased by cherubs, but I think you actually mean that he meets River in 1938. Split the sentence into two:

"The Doctor reads a novel while Rory tries to buy some coffee. Rory is chased by cherubs, baby angels, only to find himself in 1938, where he encounters River."

only to be unable to -- don't use this phrase here as you used it in the previous sentence. Say "but is unable to" instead.

"Back in 1938 Rory and River are kidnapped by Julius Grayle, a wealthy mob boss who has captured a Weeping Angel, and Rory is sent to a nearby apartment building which has been infested by Weeping Angels, who are using the victims as a battery, sending victims to the past and feeding off their energy while keeping them trapped in the building all their lives, sending them back in time again and again whenever they try to escape." -- this is far too long a sentence. Break it up into two or even three sentences.

tsumani --> tsunami

"It is revealed that the Angels have been working for Division, an organisation formed by Time Lords to control the universe, and are after a rogue agent and are using the TARDIS to get to where it is hiding." -- another long sentence. This one sounds clumsy because of "and are after" followed by "and are using". These make it sound like a list of ands.

Try this:
It is revealed that the Angels have been working for Division, an organisation formed by Time Lords to control the universe. They are after a rogue agent and are using the TARDIS to get to where it is hiding.

"Medderton has a history in which everyone in the village vanished, in both 1901 and is due again to happen in 1967." -- the phrase "a history in which everyone vanished" sounds odd, and it is also odd to suggest history includes something that has yet to happen. (I know it is difficult writing about time travel.) This would be better as:

Medderton's history (as recorded in 2021) includes incidents in 1901 and again in 1967 in which everyone in the village vanishes. This second vanishing is now due to happen.

are separated from the Doctor sent back to 1901 -- There's something missing here and it's not clear who is sent back to 1901.

Doctor sent back: phrase it as "who is sent back to 1901".
Yaz, Dan and Prof Jericho sent back: phrase it as "and are sent back to 1901".

sperate --> separate

That's the lot.

By the way, I followed the link to "Class" and I see a mistake there. Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright were not the actors who played Susan's teachers, they were the character names of the teachers.

G

Thanks for the very thorough read-through, I've tweaked all the areas you suggested.

<BB<

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