h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The first thing to remember is that Memphis natives think that there are only three controls in any car; the steering wheel, the gas pedal, and the brake. Any other of those whizbangs on the dashboard or steering column are merely decoration and are not to be touched, as they may break off at any given moment (Or are already broken off). The upshot of this is that if you use a turn indicator for any reason, it so bewilders the locals that they swerve, curse, and loudly bemoan the craziness of Memphis drivers. Speed limits are conceptual at best. If you should drive slower than 10 M/h over the speed limit, the police will pull you over and resoundingly pummel you, since you obviously are a "Damn Furiner" and must therefore be a drug smuggler or dope fiend. This applies to turning into traffic as well. To correctly merge with oncoming traffic, you should accellerate to a measurable fraction of the speed of light and shoot immediately into the middle lane. Never make the mistake of looking to see if there is oncoming traffic, as this will instantly label you as an outsider to be run into the nearest center divider. Also never mistake the local police force for a helpful or law-abiding organization. Remember, they grew up here too. You may wonder how so many obviously blinkered idiots could legally be allowed to drive in the same area. Many of them aren't, but no-one seems to notice. Since the majority of the populace are what is known as "RedNecks," drunk driving while watching the "fine-ass babe" in the car in the next lane instead of the road ahead is the norm, not the exception. There appears to be a hidden law that one third of all vehicles on the road at any given time must be older than your Grandmother, and conciderably less healthy. This is becoming increasingly odd, as the emissions laws here are, in fact, quite strict. Visitors to Memphis are regularly amazed at the seemingly inexhaustable level of randomness in the roads of Memphis. They regularly marvel at the fact that East Parkway runs North/South and that Perkins Rd. Extended runs parallel to Perkins Rd. instead of extending it. You can expect that at any given time, the road you are driving on will change names abruptly (Such as Mendenhall becoming Mt. Moriah and then changing back again a few miles later for no apparent reason and in the middle of the block.) or disappearing altogether for several blocks and then magicaly reappearing as if nothing was amiss (Such as Colingwood Dr, which does this no less than 5 times in the space of 3 miles). As my mother puts it, Memphis "Kinda growed like topsy."
 

You are so correct. I've lived here for three months and still am bewildered by Memphis drivers. And I thought Knoxville drivers were oblivious!

YOu speak the truth. I used to have a job driving all over Memphis and it was so confusing to me. People say that souther hospitaliy is a good thing but i dont see much here. Its either get out of the way or get ran over

And they drive on the wrong side of the road over there in the USA so they must be bad drivers.