h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

no-one can satifactorally express the sheer frothy lovelyness of nottingham. Oh they cry, the bars ,the shops ,the muggers ,the ease to get illegal herbage. mmmm they mumble as they tuck into something warm and damp at one of nottingham's many mcdonalds.come to nottingham, enjoy it's yours!

-interesting tourest sites around the city
  forget the castle and the museums, Nottingham sports a wide variety of interesting tramps and other destitutes to laugh at and enjoy in a heartless manner.(tip, easy money can be made if you are very smelly about 60 and own a xylophone.)If you love music played extremly badly come and experience the smelly 60 year old playing a xylophone outside the 'broadmarsh' shopping centre, just down the bottom of the high street, he's there most days.

-shopping
do you want tastful shops? shops found nowhere else? shops that have a history? Well shop somewhere else then as Nottingham speciallises in big brash stores found in every city in the world. Marks and Spencers(hooray!) HMV(huzaar) and the cheap skates favorite MVC(gasp) are here in a bundancefor shopping with no suprises ,a smoooth several stop shopping paradise to reduce you to a gibbering fool with money to give away.

-night clubs
night clubs can be summarised thus.....
'the bomb' ,expensive cramped and cool, a perfect place for the social climber. dress code - the more expencive the better, doesn't matter if you wear a coconut bra and a small ping pong ball, if it's made by armarni ,you're in. drinks - bottles only, for the price of a small african country. music - varies ,but probably the best music you'll hear in nottingham on a night out.
summary - good if you can afford it

'the palais' ,the palais or meat market is best approached blind drunk. Avoid touching the floor as it seems to be coated in sweat. dress code - coconut bra and a small ping pong ball will serve you fine. drinks - watered down lager and vile cocktails. music - gorgonzola.

pubs
find 'templars bar' (opposite the university)about 4 in the afternoon for £1.20 fosters and donna air(spellt wrong) on MTV
Bunkers hill arms (across the road from victoria leisure centre) serves 'budvaart'(no really it's a chezt beer)which is damn nice, worth a look.

everthing else -
shops, paving slabs, castles, pidgeons, university, museums, car parks and rain sums it up nicely.


submitted in a computer technology seminar when proper work was meant to be going on by A. Student( as if you couldn't guess )

Eureaka! Or however you spell it without meaning to sound like a Swedish Bimbo, at last the (near)perfect summary of my home town. The only thing you missed was the particularly spectacular crash of all the sports teams, bar, of course, the Nottingham Panthers Ice Hockey Team!See the site.(web & building).

Oh, and the other tramp to behold is the one who hasn't even got the nouce to learn to play the xylophone (OK, so I know Captain Broadmarsh doesn't actually play, he just hits it!) but has a ghetto blaster and cranks it to full volume and puts his cap on the floor... sheer Class.

Also there are lots of fantastic female sights to see on a sunny day in Notts - check out Hockley!

hockley seems to have generated it's own special brand of upperclass tramp to ridicule, the 'stand-still-until-i-get-money' mime. people wishing to attempt this form of freeloading will require 1: a bed sheet, 2: a mask or face paints, 3: an unshakable belief that people will be amused by your amazing performace of nothing, and shower you with riches. Oh look the people cry, how witty, hahahahaha, a man doing nothing, how ironic, hohohohohoho, oh stop it you jolly prankster you! hehehehehehe, oh be still my aching sides! etc.

ps, apogigises for the shite spelling in the original guide page, i fix it when i can be arsed