h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These two items are scarily accurate. Made me laugh



A Scout's Letter from Camp

Dear Mom,

Our scout master told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast.

I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. IT gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe
across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken, he said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing time.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love your son,


Cole

P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?




You Might Be A Boy Scout If...

You go camping just to get away from home
All your food, cloths, and tents smell like smoke
You carry everything to camp and still leave something at home
If getting to camp *IS* the big adventure
If your backpack weights more than you do
If your new freckles looks likes ticks
Your camping trip is too wet, too dry, too hot, or too cold
Your cooking fire resembles a bon fire
The first thing you did with your first scout knife was cut yourself
Your socks are considered toxic waste after the campout
The best meal you had on the campout is the McDonalds hamburger on the trip home
You need those stinking badges
Your favorite bank is next to a river
Your favorite pool has fish in it
You attend your school dance wearing khaki and a neckerchief
You know 101 uses for a shoelace
You drink bug juice
All your camping gear actually fits in your backpack
You have the urge to help little old ladies...whether they want it or not
You won't let your lab partner in Biology lab use the scalpel to disect your frog because he/she does not have a "Totin' Chip."
you have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket knife.
you begin to think half cooked sausage, don't taste all that bad.
you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner.
you spontaneously break into strange songs in public.
you can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time passing.
you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
you always read by a flashlight.
your radio is always tuned to the weather station.
you horde tent stakes.
you wear 2 pairs of socks to bed.
you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door.
you sleep under a trash bag.
you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
you carry a dufflebag size first aide kit in your car.
you always have hat hair.
you continue to wear it until it stands on it's own.
you're always counting how many matches you have left.
you tie up your little brother, and he can't get loose.
you know all the words to the Ajawah Rouser, but can't remember your homework.
you see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colors.
your pots and pans are all black.
you roast mini marshmallows on a paper clip over a candle, put it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the flavor.
you always cook enough food for twelve.
all your clothes smell like a week old fire.
ramen and eggs is the best meal you've had all week.
you always have a cup hooked to your belt.
all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them.
you open letters with a pocket knife.
you have something on your shoe and you're sure it's only mud.
you eat ants on a log and like it.
you wear bread bags on your feet.
you know 365 one pot meals.
when opening large gifts you survey the box wondering if you have a piece of foil large enough to cover it.
you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles.
you order pizzas 14 at a time.
everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
your neighbors hide when they see you going door to door with "that wreath order form" again.
you have to go to the restroom and you start looking for a buddy.
you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
you go to someone's house for dinner, don't like the food, and ask if they have PB&J.
you tie your shoe and check the handbook to see if it can go toward earning a badge.
you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
you know 100 uses for a bandana.
all your shirts have pin holes in them.
you wear thongs in the shower.
you actually own the book, "How to S**t in the Woods".
you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.

That's great taz, thanks for that. Would you mind if i copied and pasted it to send to a friend who is a scout ?

no problem it's there for the taking

Glad to hear that have you made similar experiences ?

erm... i've got that whole big list pretty much covered!

That's ok, after all, you ARE a scout
I've had a gander at your homepage, have you been to the Brass Monkeys/ Winter Camp last weekend ?

yes, it was rather fun. not as cold as could have been though

that's good to hear, I once nearly froze when visiting a scout camp site in September, the nights were so cold

hehe. a couple of years ago, it was so cold that our washing up liquid froze!

I don't think I'll ever get the hang of camping when it's cold.

it's all part of the fun

Yes, but I'm no longer 15, you know, my old bones don't take cold very well

i don't thimk anyone's do... ah well

But at the age of 15, you recover much faster

i suppose so. where have you been camping?

Last time we went here : http://www.campingplatz-rehbach.de/index.htm

Looks v impressivexxx

It was nice, except for the weather

looks lovely

looks like better weather than we ever get here in Scotland