h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you're serious about creativity you have to lay yourself open. Its the only way it works. Unfortunately you are then prone to attack from people who take pleasure in being destructive..especially I think if you are a woman.

For your mind to really be playful you need to keep that openness. But there are people who are so empty that they will do anything to take pleasure in sabotage to try to fill up their void.

And they will do everything to try to undermine you and really enjoy it..especially if you lose relationships that are important.

But if you're an artist you don't give in. The wounds however horrible can make more art. But as a person you suffer horribly.

You don't have normal defences psychologically because you're creative. So you might give up hope and just close down. That's always a possibility because you lose so much..and there's only so much loss in a person's life they can cope with.

Hopefully you have enough good people around you to help.

I wonder how all this will be dealt with on noohootoo ie the destructivity. i wish to god I could smash my creativity sometimes.

Not that I compare myself to Mozart...but I think these scenes from Amadeus show something of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfuM2Ka7Lxc

I have zero confidence anyone understands or will do anything about it.

And as well being a woman you are always extra vulnerable.

But we all know abuse goes on all the time in all sorts of situations and settings and nothing changes.

The abusers just try to make you look paranoid..and people are complicit with that. No wonder so many creative people just end up destroying themselves. If you destroy yourself at least that means you are in control.

After tonight I have zero confidence in this place. People say, 'oh you should yikes' How can you yikes a whole thread that is portrayed as something innocent but designed to you. And no-one steps in to stop it.

Taff where the hell are you? No one but you has the balls to step in.

Off to get smashed.

I had this crp in my life before from a man who put me in hospital for the first time because he was jealous of my creativity..and he was just so empty.

And I was like some stupid lamb to the slaughter.

I find it incredible that there weren't some people around that saw what was happening in that thread..but did nothing but enjoy seeing me utterly humiliated.

Did nothing. Just like when I was attacked to my foundation and called 'mendacious'. People said nothing. My best friend kea said nothing...that's what lead to the second thing. If someone had called her mendacious I'd have stepped in like a shot.

But that's maybe my personality and she has a different one. But I miss her like hell.

Well I tell you if I see bullying and nasty behaviour directed at someone I shall *always* step in..as I know Taff would.

And you won't get me contributing a damn thing to noohootoo with my creativity. Stuff that journal idea i had. No-one stepped in..that says everything about this place.

And I won't be changing my ways in these journals. people who don't like it can unsub. These things should be creative like a process.

okay I'm out of here for tonight. there maybe a load other stuff tomorrow.

This is meant to be a writing place after all.

I think I must have missed the thread you refer to.

Or else I'm horribly dense.

Well I expect everyone else will say something similar. That's the way these things are designed to be. But I have NO doubts. best leave it eh?

And no doubt no-one else will come forward to back me. I'll be thought paranoid. That's how it works.

I've had it before in my life. Women are especially prone to it as we are all so over emotional and imagine things of course.

You missed it or are dense. Maybe I'm imaginning things then?

I'm too fed up with the same old patterns to be clear with you...it always works this way if you have mental health problems especially if you are a woman.

okay i really am out of here now too much impatience.

too much anger

I suspect and hope I missed it.

It starts from post 60 http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F19585?thread=8272090&skip=40&show=20 You'll notice my post 59 is particularly positive about learning and people changing their lives..a very very positive and optimistic post. There is NO DOUBT in my mind...carry on reading through the thread.

Why would I want you to miss it? I'd hope as a friend you'd want to see it.

He likes to wind people up. He enjoys it. Remember that whole thread when kea asked for people to not just post a YouTube link? But to give an explanation.

He spent the whole thread trying to wind her up with YouTube links.

Women are used to getting this kind of sht from men all the time.

Of late on many occassions he's said I'm missing his humour when he says something barbed.

But I doubt anything will be done about it..he'll just carry on with impunity...

I've looked for the YouTube thread but can't find it. It was not so long ago but maybe it had a funny title. She'll know which it is..but she doesn't talk to me so its pointless me asking...

This kind of thing is going to ruin noohootoo.

I'm getting more and more sick of this place. But I'm not going away. Just carrying on posting the truth as I see it here in my journal.

People may think I'm a total nutcase. Let them.