h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Phone call at 8.00am to say that the units would be delivered between 10 & 12: great! That means I can go to work this afternoon.

10.30: delivery men arrive. They puff and pant and sweat a lot while carrying units up to my first-floor flat. One tells the other he should stop smoking. I agree. They tell me that my worktops and trims have been put on the wrong lorry and sent to Ipswich. Their boss had suggested they should drive to Ipswich and pick them up - as this would have added 4 hours to their working day, they demurred. I agree with them - it's not their fault the lorry wasn't loaded properly.

I phone H*meb*se and tell them, giving them both my home & work phone numbers. They contact the carriers and phone me back almost immediately to say that they have been able to arrange for the missing bits to be delivered on Monday, which is when the fitter starts work. Fine. I go to work for the afternoon, reasonably happy.

5.30: get home to find an answering machine message from carriers, suggesting that they will deliver missing parts this afternoon.
Phone them, and speak to a charming, but nearly unintelligible Aussie, who informs me that arrangements have been made to deliver them this evening, probably between 7 & 9. Fine. Immediately I put the phone down, it rings again - this time it's the delivery driver, announcing that they should get here between 8 & 9.

6.00: go for a swim, and a quick drink at the pub. Home by 7.20.

It's now 8.40 and I'm waiting ...

is now the time to tell you the horror stories of my kitchen delivery??

Yes please.

Hebe, please don't! Well, not yet anyway ...

Kitchen project stage 1A
9.15 last night, phone rings - it's the delivery men: they've been delayed and still have one more call to make before me, they'll be here in about an hour.

10.20pm, another call: they are still on the A603 (outside Cambridge). They have just checked where I live, and as they are in an 18-ton lorry, will not be able to get down my street. Arrangements will be made to deliver tomorrow, or Friday, or Saturday.

I refrain from spitting teeth down the phone, and say I will phone HB in the morning.

See stage 2.