h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am in desperate need of a holiday, but the book is holding me up, and I am getting sick of it.

This is the last time I selfpublish anything. It is a complete nightmare.

I need to get away as a matter of urgency.

Sick and tired of incompetent printers. No wonder they were the cheapest.

Fed up.

Sometimes it is to me as if the devil has done similarly with me, as he did with our father Job. He is waiting me to curse God. But I shan't. I'd rather die than curse God, because I know God, and I know the devil. God is good. He is lovely; kind, patient, very very funny. And I've had this thing inside me lying to me all my life, it's been terrible, of its provenance and insertion I say nothing, leaving the persons concerned to the forgiveness and mercy of Almighty God.

Well, like today, I needed to find the reference of the parable of the vineyard and when they said let's kill the son. And I picked up my Bible, I'm in the lounge and it's dark in here, I can't really see small print properly, and I said, to no-one in particular, Oh I don't know where the bloody parable is. And the Lord made me open my Bible at the very page, so that when I looked into the book, there it was staring me in the face. That was funny. God does stuff like that a lot. The sadness is that this demon inside me has been pretending to be God so that I have come to associate the most appalling torturous treatment with the spiritual life. I know that God doesn't torture me, but I kind of associate being tortured with my Christian life.

So that when we find someone like Lynwen, who appears to have been discipled properly and who knows God without having been cursed to near-oblivion by (for example) her mother, I dunno, I must seem terribly complicated and messed up, to her. Add to that my folly, which is part of who I am, and which she appears not to accept or understand, well, oh, I don't know. It will take someone with great wisdom and with a really live relationship with the Trinity. But Lynwen has those things. She is the wisest of the young at Barry's House of Heretics. And she is intensely musical, just like I am. But she can't bring herself to -- well, I'm sick of it. I was deceived, and waited 14 years for the wrong woman, and I'm not prepared now, to play any more silly games. What I lack now, is a history of going to church. Well, I have hit upon the solution to that: I am therefore henceforth going to attend regular weekly services. So perhaps then I shall receive that ministry which God intends that I receive. Well, as long as they don't just turn their backs, as they have done in the past. I must force myself to hang around after church and have tea and so on, and speak to people.

Of course if Helga hadn't been so unfaithful I should still be on the radio, and so should she. That would have made it all the easier to be part of a group of believers, because I should have had something to tell of, that I was doing to contribute to the life of the city.

As it is I am hardly even writing these days, although I have fresh vision for future writing.

I just hope I'm not going to be cast aside when I start going to church again. They have in the past been too busy enjoying themselves to bother with a fool like me. It's been terribly, terribly depressing.

I'm going on holiday. I have to pay some bills, then I shall get in Wilfie and drive to Calvinia, and get away from my man and from Cape Town and the bloody book and everything. I'll take my Bible and Wurmbrand's Sermons. And a computer so that Andrew can send me stuff to proof. I may even have to take a printer, I don't know. But I have to get away from Cape Town as a matter of urgency.

Of course this means I can't go to church. Perhaps I should wait until Sunday, and go after church, and come back to Cape Town for church on the next Sunday, and drive back to Calvinia that afternoon. That might be the best plan, because I need God to move in my life and he did tell me to go to church and I didn't, so if I want him to move I must obey his command, obviously. Andrew says go to someone nearer. That is actually an idea. Except it might be pricey somewhere nearer. We'll just have to see. All I need is somewhere warm, and the most basic of self catering accommodation. That's it. I remember when I ministered in Cape Town and it was hectic and I fled, like David, to the caves of Cango! I needed to buy a fan heater. But I wrote 8 pages of prophecy which was very good indeed.

Yes, perhaps I should go to Hermanus or somewhere, because I do want to be able to come back for church on Sunday. Andrew suggests Scarborough.

I believe that I am to marry a young woman called Lynwen. This is what I believe. I have believed a similar belief before, and I was wrong. It wasn't my fault; I was deceived, deliberately. But I know what it's like to wait - I waited 14 years for the wrong woman. And I'm sick of waiting around. Lynwen played a silly trick on me on Facebook and that annoyed me. I'd fed up with being treated so badly. Helga was the only person who treated me like a fellow believer and even she couldn't keep it up in the end, to her shame.

I barely get a word out of David. Rupert has disappeared. I have no-one to talk to about the faith.

Andrew suggests Muizenberg, which I think is a very good idea. Cheap. Yes I will look for self catering places in Muizenberg.

Lynwen is very beautiful indeed, and very warm in her expression. She is intensely musical, and into the theatre and acting and so on. So an arty type! Perfect. I really hope I'm right this time. I can't go on for much longer on my own. Oh, the other thing: Lynwen is VERY, VERY wise indeed. Exceptionally wise. This is glorious, absolutely glorious. As is she, really. Oh Father. Don't make me be alone for much longer, /please/.

Anyway. I need to take this computer to the shop for cleaning; the backspace key sometimes doesn't work. I want to keep this machine for as long as possible, because it's the best machine I've ever used, by a long way. It's a Hewlett Packard Spectre XT. All it lacks is hard drive space; I could do with a bigger hard drive. When I can afford it I might see if I can get a bigger one installed. For the moment, I want to have it cleaned, the backspace key seen to if necessary, and then, some time, possibly soon, I want to upgrade the OS to Mint Petra. It's running Olivia at the moment, which is good, but there is a bug, in that it will not print from any application save Writer or whatever the word processor app is called. So I can't print PDFs etc, nor emails, which is annoying. The only thing stopping me from upgrading the box tonight, is that I have yet to find out how to save all my emails and load them into the new configuration. I have backed up the hard drive of this machine so many times. At least, the /home folder.