h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Given that I was up all last night, I slept most of today. Bit of a waste of a day really. I'll probably be up half tonight as well.

Einsamkeit.

Feeling OK if a little over-slept.

Am arranging an old cello solo piece for piano quartet. Hoping it's going to be OK. I'm going to have to put quite a bit of work into it. It will need some fleshing out with the violin and the piano; the cello part is shared between the cello and the viola. Then I might have a piano quartet piece to have performed at my concert.

Rather pleased with some of my music so far. I must try to write for bigger forces and sustain longer arguments. So far the longest piece I've done was 16 minutes and I had to withdraw that as people didn't like it. Don't know whether that's just because it was for cello solo and people don't usually dig solo cello music unless they are musicians themselves. I don't know. I do have a piece called In Memoriam which needs revision I think. And another piece called Song and Dance which is two movements from the Suite.

I need to write music! MUSIC! Oh how I love music. But when I listen to the music of Britten, which is SO pure and inevitable and utterly beautiful, I think, I cannot.

But I have my own style developing, my own harmonic quirks and so on. I just want to write music, and I want to write my books, and that's it really. If I had my writing to do I wouldn't be so lonely. Helga has made a tremendous mistake. But she's too proud to admit it.

And I used to think so highly of her, but it's all unreal. Push her beyond her limit and she snaps and becomes a &^&&*. Which proves theres still a lot of sanctifying work to be done in her. Which I doubt she beleives. She thinks everything's all right. Such a complacent, damnable attitude for a believer to hold.

I am a mirror. That's all I am; a magnifying mirror. So when I'm with S I say "Feck" a lot, because that's what in her heart. I don't say it with Sethu because it isn't in hers.

I need believers, sons around me sons of God.

But God knows what I need more than I do. And he has sent Sethu (I hope) and while I was talking with her the other day I felt my ear thing going funny. Perhaps I'm about to lost this dreadful thorn in my flesh.

I've ordered a new stereo valve amp for the Drawing Room. The Tivoli will plug into it.