h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today is the second anniversary of my father's death. I find that strange to write as I still, in many ways, don't really believe that he's gone.

I haven't thought about him much today - mainly because I've been very busy being away with friends for the weekend, and then getting home to try and get sorted out for the week (and then discovering what appears to be serious blood on the carpet in ML). Last year I was away as well - with the same friends as the youngest child of one of them was being christened (I was one of the godmothers). I didn't tell my friends what today was, this year or last. Mainly because I knew the date for the christening couldn't be moved and I didn't want my friends to feel bad about it or to fuss about me (really couldn't cope with that). Last year was the same in that I dreaded the anniversary but in the end was fine. The run up to the day has been worse - I've been a lot more tearful than usual - and with hindsight is why I was probably not coping very well with minor problems.

However sometimes completely out of the blue something will catch me and I will suddenly be in floods of tears, missing my dad more than I can say. Totally unpredictable, and rarely around the anniversaries that people often expect to be bad (today, birthdays etc). All sorts of things can catch me, even 2 years later and it can feel as raw as ever. I still so wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye.

Anyway here's to my dad, taken far too soon, and much missed.

Hebe, I seem to remember that the weekend was to be Center Parcs. Was it worth the visit ?

I am also feeling the loss of a dearly loved "best mate" this weekend. Six months since I lost my partner of 30 years. It hurts doesn't it but slowly and surely life becomes bearable. Six months ago I didn't think I'd get this far but last weekend I built up enough courage to go to Cromford and I'm so pleased I did. Aside from meeting some very nice people I felt so proud of myself for starting to build some new relationships. The loss of your Father must have been very difficult. mine died 14 years ago aged 59 and he was the best friend I could have wished for. I still miss him - there's nothing like a hug from your Dad when the world seems an unfriendly place. Hang on in there as I'm sure your Dad is very proud of you. Give him a kind thought every now and again- he'll like that.

Thinking of you . Polly

Thanks Polly,

I think of my dad often and I've many reminders around of him (though for a while I didn't even have a photo out as I found it too difficult). It does get easier - and I'm full of admiration for you, coming to Cromford. I found groups difficult to cope with for quite a while afterwards and it must have been a big step for you to take. I'm glad you're pleased you did, regardless of all the shananigans.

Yes it was Center Parcs this weekend - had a great time with friends - and we were lucky with the weather as well. I always find center parcs a funny sort of place but it is good for a weekend away with friends as there is plenty to do and it is all very easy (once you've mastered where your chalet is...),

anyway I must go to bed, I really hope today hasn't been too bad for you (esp with all the horrible goings on in ML), thinking of you too, night night,

hebe

Hebe

My father died suddenly in 1992. There are still days when the whole thing overwhelms me. It's not that I ever would have considered us particularly close because he was of that generation when men didn't show their emotions and he was quite authoritarian in his way. But we weren't hostile to each other either and as I grow older I realise we were quite similar in many ways.

Eventually you get to a stage where you put your grief in a little box but every once in a while you take it out, put it on for a while and indulge yourself. Then you take it off and put it away again until the next time. And yes, this always happens at unusual times not at the big moments.

Look after yourself at this time, I'll be thinking about you.

Hebe, I'll never forget that you delurked at the time of my troubles on the board and supported me. I hope we can help Polly at this time.

Eilis

Hello, Polly.

Just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what happened with a certain person today. It's his usual style, harassing one poster continually. I'm afraid his presence is enough to keep me away from the boards. I know I shouldn't let him win in that way and I shall face up to him at another date.

Look after yourself, Polly. You're lucky to have Hebe, she was a great support to me at that time.

Eilis

Many Hebe and Polly. Thinking of you both, and don't let pond life get you down too much.

Love and take care,

Katy

Hebe, losing one's first parent prematurely is one wound that takes ages to heal. I cried for years when my mother died and the two years of her illness had been like a long nervous breakdown. Do you have brothers and sisters you can share this with?

I still cry at odd moments (as you say not the anniversaries necessarily) when I think of my husband's fate, more than ten years go now.

Anyway, this puts in perspective all the shenanigans in ML.

Have a nice day. I've got the plumbers in, father and son.

Eilis, that is so much how I feel it's like, thank you. I have a few things one or two people have said to me about their own grief or how they've coped which have rung very true with me and have been inmeasurably helpful - this is definitely one of them.

hope you are well,

hebe

Hi Martine,

For a variety of reasons it is difficult to speak to my siblings about much of my ongoing grief (one had a very different relationship with our father, and 2 are still very young), however I have some very good friends, especially one who lost her own father 18 months ahead of myself, who have been wonderful supports.

Thank you for your message, hearing from others does help.

I see your plumbers are more efficient than mine (they seem to have been replacing the shower for weeks now.... though there are some signs of progress today)

hebe