h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

While replying to Lanzababy (U10790805) yesterday, I happened to briefly mention chameleons. That spur-of-the-moment comment provided just the inspiration I so desperately needed for today's Journal.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

Back in late September, my wife and I were traversing the local fields in our car. The car was never designed for such use, but we cross the fields almost every day because it saves us four kilometres on the journey back to our house via tarmacadam. The entrance to the first field is down a steep slope, with an immediate sharp turn to the left. It's crucial to keep going at this point; the ruts are quite deep and you need the momentum provided by the drop to avoid employing engine power. Use any, and you'll make the channels far deeper without actually moving anywhere. The fields have been ploughed in recent weeks and the winter crops have been sown but the kindly farmer has left the track untouched just so we can continue on our journeys home. It's a most generous act since he loses a swathe of crop-growing land to selflessly provide us with a convenience. I really should take him a bumper-harvest of lemons from our trees, but I fear that he may well have more than he needs. Instead, I'll take him a bottle of whisky at Christmas; it may well cost me €8 but I still think that's a worthwhile investment.

As I was negotiating the drop (and the difficult left turn) my wife suddenly cried "STOP! Don't run over the chameleon". It's not every day such a phrase crops up in our conversations, so a little bemused, and fearing repercussions, I did as told. "Where"? I said, "I can't see one".

It was at this point that I suddenly realised the asinine nature of what I'd just uttered. Seizing the fortuitous opportunity, my wife replied with a modicum of sarcasm that only she can effectively apply in these situations. "Why can't you see it? It's over there, sticking out like a sore thumb. It's not as if it's camouflaged or anything"!

Clarence, as I decided to call him, had done a pretty poor job of blending in with the rich red soil that covers this area (known locally as Kokkino Chorio - 'The Red Villages') and was, indeed, highly visible. I found out from my wife later that chameleons (contrary to popular belief) don't change colour primarily for camouflage but instead for social signals, to indicate mood and to regulate body temperature. Camouflage capabilities are a by-product of their unique talent.

However, he seemed quite content just sitting there soaking the suns rays, so I thought I'd go over to make an acquaintance. Like all the Mediterranean (aka European/common) chameleons I've come across before, he seemed typically placid and appeared completely unfazed by my presence. I attempted to coax him away, trying both in English and Greek, but he was having none of it. Instead he kept a constant vigil by swivelling his stereoscopic eyes as I moved around him.

Since he wasn't moving, I thought I'd take the opportunity to grab a photograph of myself with Clarence. I returned to the car, raked through my wife's voluminous handbag for the camera and headed back. By the time I got there he'd legged it and was nowhere to be seen. "Over there", my wife commented, pointing to the bushes, "You've scared it by all your flapping around. See, it's changed colour".

And then so did I. I looked at the car, realised my chances of self-extraction were slim, and then wondered where I might find the kindly farmer and his tractor.

I guess the nice farmer and his tractor got you out of your rut.

That reminds me of a family holiday in a little youth hostel in Wales earlier this year. It was up at the top of a very steep twisty road so you just had to get in a low gear and keep on climbing. If you stopped you'd never get going again. The nice farmer from the next house down the lane came to the rescue of more than one vehicle in our party that weekend...

MC

I am still amazed that you have chameleons on Cyprus. In fact you have much more of everything really. I think I am on the wrong island!

You know, as a former Road Patrol for a well known breakdown organisation, (not yellow van one ), I've heard some pretty weird, whacky and wonderful excuses from couples with cars stuck in fields especially at night.
Chameleon watching is a new one to add to the list.