h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was a lot I needed to be doing today, but I was in one of those sorts of moods that meant I couldn't really be bothered to do anything. In an effort to look busy, and to keep my wife placated, I thought I'd check the post box. Before you begin to wonder, I wasn't planning to physically inspect it in case there were signs of structural fatigue, more that I was going to look to see if we had any post. Checking the post box is not something I do very often; most of our mail is delivered to a box at the post office in town. Unsurprisingly, it's called a 'post office box' and is, indeed, a small box attached to the post office and accessible only to me via a key.

I digress. In the post box (the one attached to the house, not the one attached to the post office) there was a wedding invitation. That's about our tenth this year. It's good that I checked, for the wedding is on Saturday, and I'm sure that Kyriakos and Demetria would be most upset if we were not in attendance.

I don't actually know Kyriakos or Demetria very well and neither does my wife. In fact we don't know them at all. Or their family. Or their friends. We've never met any of them, but all the same, it is lovely to have had an invitation and we shall gladly attend the joyous occasion.

My wife admired the lavishly-styled invitations and announced "That'll be a big one, those invites weren't cheap". And she'll be right, of course. Instead of the average 300-400 attendees, I fully expect this particular event to number 1500 and because the reception is being held at Laxia Palace, it could even top 2000. The brides parents would have been saving for this event from the day Demetria was born; their generosity and hospitality will be enjoyed by all.

The ceremony itself will be held at 11.00am at the Greek Orthodox Church in Paralimni main square. The bride will arrive at the back of a cavalcade of cars having been driven around Paralimni and the surrounding villages for some considerable time. As horns blare and vehicle lights are flashed, occupants will emerge from their houses to witness the spectacle and to wish her well. As she walks down the aisle, parties from both sides of the church will spit at her. Actually, they won't, because that's a bit too yucky, but they will make the gesture signifying good luck and lifelong happiness. Curiously, neither Kyriakos or Demetria will exchange any vows; their attendance at church and their standing at the altar illustrates their commitment to marriage. When the service is over, both will tour the villages (this time at the front of the cavalcade) to receive more blessings from well-wishers.

The party and the lively celebrations begin as soon as the happy-couple arrive at the reception venue. This will be a lavish celebration with constant food, drink, entertainment and good-cheer. The bride and groom will arrive at 2.00pm and the festivities will continue until 4.00am the following day. It will be a time of great revelry.

You may be forgiven for thinking that my wife and I will have very little time in order to purchase a gift and card for the soon-to-be-married couple, but worry not. Gifts, on these occasions, take the form of folding-cash lodged in an envelope. For 'casuals' (such as myself and my wife) it's common to proffer €30. As the relationships move closer and closer to the bride or groom, the figures can move through the mid-hundreds and peak at the mid-thousands for immediate family members. The brides parents are excused participation in this aspect, for they have already consumed a large part of their life-savings.

I'm entirely looking forward to the wedding. The entertainment will be spectacular, the bride will look stunning, the ambiance will be most-agreeable and it will be a pleasure to meet Kyriakos and Demetria for the first time.

If nothing else, all you can eat and drink on a Saturday night for €30? It's a no-brainer.