h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, it was inevitable. Everyone said it *could* happen, the media said it *would* happen, but the Government said it would *never* happen.

Tomorrow sees the first of water cuts, island-wide, for Cyprus as it struggles to cope with a severe water shortage.

The reservoirs and dams are at 15% capacity after yet another scorching summer and desperately dry winter. That's the fifth year in succession, so we've run out, or (more accurately) we will.

The island-wide population of approx 800,000 swells to 3.5 Million in the summer months, all demanding showers, baths, swimming pools and constant water on-tap. Predictably, the Church called upon the masses to pray for rain each time the three-day forecast suggested the possibility of a downpour and then rejoiced in the power of 'God' when 'miracles' happened.

We've had approximately 8 or 9 days of rain so far this winter in the Famagusta area - we need at least 2 months of constant rain to fill the reservoirs. It ain't gonna happen.

Daytime temperatures increase week-on-week. Admittedly, April can be wet, but last year I saw 2 days of rain in April and this year I expect the same, or maybe less. By May, forget it - it won't rain again until November.

The previous Government vetoed calls for more desalination plants to be brought on-stream. We are surrounded by water, but they said that this plan of action was totally unnecessary considering the winter-deluges in 2004. 'The rain will fall, and God will provide' was the attitude taken. Stupid arses. The new Government are quick to pass blame but fail to admit that they backed the previous incumbent and his 'weather predictions'.

So there we have it. In each 48-hour period, we will be supplied with (potentially) low-pressure, desalinated water for a maximum of 8 hours. That's as much as the system can provide. Tenders have now gone out for the construction of a mobile desalination plant, but that won't be on-stream until October at the earliest. Horse, gate, bolting, springs to mind.

Meanwhile, the Cypriots continue to hose their driveways and patios 2-3 times per day. Their grievance with dust almost borders on obsessional. A survey in the last week suggests that 20% of the population are unaware of a water-supply problem! Quite simply, it's staggering, but it does reflect the BS capabilities of recent Governments in blinding the population to the real truth.

Not that the water-cuts will make a huge difference. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a 500-1000 litre tank on the roof. That'll do me and my wife for 48 hours easily. And when the water comes back on it'll all fill back up. Where's the water saving? All it'll do is make 20% of the 'Ostrich' population now aware that water is scarce and then they might only hose the drive and patio once a day instead of three. Oh, and it'll probably introduce some gut-wrenching bugs into the empty pipes that will multiply and swarm while the infrastructure lays dry.

You wait till the media get hold of it. Vomit, shit and gunge from every orifice will be reported, because Cyprus has no water.

We are in for an interesting summer...