h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Deakie was out on the works Xmas do last night. I gave up waiting at 4am and went to bed after a long and protracted debate in PR. The PT phone system was up to it's usual, so she only got one of my texts and I never got hers. I had one hell of a shock when I woke at 8am and she wasn't in bed .

Now, I'm not known for getting out of bed too early, especially on a Saturday, but a quick sprint down the hall in my 'speedy socks' found her asleep on the sofa. I tried to wake her, but she was murmering and flumphing, so I left her be. Diagnosis - too many 's

Later in the day she came back to bed (I was still there - it was a *long* night in PR, you understand ), complaining of a sore eye, and explaining that she'd scratched it while flicking her hair back. I was about to comment on who'd she'd been flirting with when I noticed that it did look very red and sore.

It gradually got worse, but she ignored my suggestions of getting it looked at until it got so painful she was crying. At her request, I drove her to the private hospital.

Wow! What a service...

In the front door, hardly anyone waiting, straight to the big desk and before you knew it, her details were in the system and a nurse was waiting to take her to the emergency Doctor. In fact it took longer to find her 'Contribunte' and 'Social Seguranca' numbers in her purse than anything else.

The emergency Doctor took one look, scribbled on his print-outs (they were there before we even got in the room) and asked the nurse to take us to the Ophthalmologist. We sat and waited for about 30 minutes, by which time Deakie was in real pain, but the Ophthalmologist was busy with another older gentleman. As soon as he'd finished with his patient, we were in.

My word, there was some bloody impressive looking kit in there, and she was soon hooked up and investigated. A couple of squirts of 'magic drops' took the pain away and her eye was bandaged to let it heal.

My poor Cyclops is laying on the sofa and feeling a bit sorry for herself. We are €150 lighter, but I'd have paid anything to make her feel better.

In fact, I'd have happily paid that just to experience the level and speed of care, even if it were not needed. OK, it's private, but I'm still bloody impressed!

Glad she's okay.

I had a similar experience at Moorfield's Eye Hospital in London. I was working not more than half a mile from the hospital making pine beds and I got a tiny splinter in my eye from the table saw. I went down to Moorfield's, didn't had to wait too long, had my head strapped into a... thing and a purple light shone in my eye, had a few drops put into it and got it bandaged then had to take my bike home on the train cos I couldn't judge distances with only one eye

She'll be fine - she's a fairly 'rough and tumble' sort of girl - in fact it takes a hell of a lot for her to admit to pain and needing to see someone about it.

Like you say, her distance judgement has gone to pot, in fact it was quite comical watching her stumble about.

What can you do in these sorts of circumstances though? I could see she so desperately wanted me to fix things for her when it got bad, but I'm useless at this sort of stuff.

'Be brave, sweet-heart' just doesn't work when someone is really in pain.

In those circumstances I think the only response is 'But I know a man who can', which is precisely what you did by the sound of things

does she have an eye-patch now? and, more importantly, is she talking like a ?

I have some kind of white pads holding my eye shut and several large strips of tape holding the pads down which go from my chin to forehead. So that's a kind of patch and I'm definitely swearing like a . Does that count?

Still ing sore, I caught my cornea with my fingernail and it had started to ulcerate by the time we got to the hospital.I was slightly less impressed than DDD by the big machines, but I LOVE the 'stop hurting' drops!)

Eye eye cap'n Deakie

Har har




All you need now is a parrot on your shouder

The Ophthalmologist told her to take it easy for 24-36 hrs and rest her eyes.

Can I stop her from reading books and playing on the computer?

Not likely!!

My eyes aren't too good today either

Though they've only been injured from the inside

Ha ha, me hearties! The patch is off! I can see with just a tiny bit of blurriness and the stinging has mostly stopped.

However, I have obviously suffered an allergic reaction to the tape holding the patch down so I now have a slightly squint, slightly pink eye and a glorious lumpy red rash all down one side of my face and across my forehead!!!

I am never going on a night out again! Tis just too dangerous!

The night out is

It's the getting and flirting that's dangerous

The worrying thing was, I was fairly sober when I did it! And there was nowt to flirt with! I was with the youngsters of the company cos all the auld fuds went home and the average age of the littl'uns is 21!!

So you wouldn't flirt with a 21 year old then!

That's my chance gone then

At the grand old age of 34, I would call flirting with a 21 yr old snatching from the cradle.

And I doubt the 38 year old bloke I'm marrying in 3 months would like the idea either! Especially not if I admit it in his journal, anyway!

Yeah, I suppose that would be like twisting the knife a bit

*AHEM* At the age of 43 I married a 20-year-old woman

That's because you are a stud, obviously, Gosho! I'd just be a sad 'nearly-married' trying to prove I'm young. As in 21 year old young, not as in 34 being old, if you know what I mean?

I still think I'm 17, anyway! But these 21 year olds are just babies!

That must make me a toddler then

I believe you - millions wouldn't, ya auld fud! You're older than I am, I believe....

Don't tell everyone!!

Anyway you're only as old as you feel or the woman you're with at the time