h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've had experience with drunken boorish types in many places in the world, and I must say, of the personal examples I have lived through, it was the encounter with the boys from Britain that was the most alarming...

The guys I worked with organized a modest little party while we were in Jebel Ali, United Arab Emirates. We went into a seaman's center, since there were very few places a Westerner could get comfortably drunk, and we used their outdoor grill to make some burgers and other things we had brought along, and made due with the watered-down Guiness being peddled on site. We did this outdoors by the pool, and occupying the table right behind us were 3 or 4 British sailors. Before we'd all finished eating, we realized that we had way more food than we were going to eat, so we invited the sailors over for a bite, and introductions were made all around.

These guys weren't just drunk... they were hammered. One guy in particular outshone them all. His name was Jan, and he was a fat guy wearing a Speedo... in the words of Drew Carey he looked like "a Bartlett pear with a rubber band wrapped around the middle." Now, the guys were friendly enough to us, and even bought us a round of brews as a thank you, but they wee definitely rude and obnoxious to everyone else. When Jan had to relieve himself, and he saw that there was a bit of a line to the men's room, he just stood there and wet himself. Then, covered in his own urine, he says "I'd better go wash that off" and jumps into the crowded pool. He jumps in right in front of an American girl who was sunning herself, and completely soaks her. When he surfaces, she starts cussing him out. He responds by climbing out of the pool, scooping her up in his arms, and jumping in with her.

So the moral of the story is that, if I were given to stereotyping, I would say that Brits are loud, fat, and arrogant. Sound familiar? It's what the rest of the world says of Americans. But I would also say that they are atrocious drunks... in all my drunken escapades I have never encountered worse behavior. However, since stereotypes are not fair, I choose to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, and just conclude that Jan was loud, fat, and arrogant.

The trouble is Colonel there are too many Jans around, and they go on holiday/work in foreign parts and when they do so they are 'representing' their home country in a sort of way, and it makes me feel ashamed to have any relationship (shared nationality) however tenuous with them.

(You see Abi, I too am a sensitive flower!)

P.S. Is Jebel Ali wonderful?. I spent a couple of happy weeks in a portakabin with a broken A/C at a desalination plant between Jebel Ali and Abu Dhabi earlier this year. I plotted and schemed to get enough time + transport to get to Jebel Ali (or A-D, or Dubai, or anywhere really) and never did. Ah, those docks, ah that Industrial Estate, that refinery, and wasn't there a desalination plant there too....such wonders.

Maybe one reason that the few Scots who do want to hate anyone don't direct their venom at the French is that the English (being nearer, are an easier target. For any who want aggro even closer to home, there's always the Catholic/Protestant antipathy, which would seem to be more common north of the border, and in its allied form in the north of Ireland. Given how short-sighted bigotry usually is, it's usually the nearest neighbours who are the real targets.
(I know Scotland and England are connected, and I'm not denying the existence of anti-Scottish feelings among those English who choose hate, but France is both somewhat closer to London than Hadrian's Wall, and more obviously foreign.)

I do agree that alcohol plays a very large part in English aggression. Even other countries in Europe that drink more alcohol per head seem to have rather fewer drunken yobs than we do.
It's odd that many of the people who do disgrace the country abroad would be some of the first to use national 'pride' to bolster their own self-image. I guess when they have no self-respect, they have to try and get some by association, or drown their inadequacies in excess beer.

Just got this via e-mail and thought it fitted here:

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking
along
the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops
out
of it.

"I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.

The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also
farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM'-- the land in America was
forever
made fertile for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so
that
no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the
Genie's eye, POOF'-- there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this
wall.

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

I hate English drunks where ever I find them-hell I hate all drunks.Also my fellow countrymen don't even have to be drunk to be obnoxious.However I suspect that this is true for everyone when it comes to their own countrymen/women.The only defence I can give for drunken Brits abroad is that we pay through the nose for alcohol at home so when we go abroad where the alcohol is cheaper we go insane and because we usually have our intake controlled by the expenssive variety at home we have no resistance when abroad and get drunk somewhat quicker.This is NOT AN EXCUSE by the way just an explanation.I apologise for my fellow citizens most abjectly and can only say that not all of us are like this.

The Englishman says "Fill it with water"
...but it all leaks out through that tunnel and floods Kent.
I knew there was more to this than global warming

Naughty!

Ooh, that's brightened up my morning, TC.

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