h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Someone once said,'It's what you like that matters, not what you are like.' Is this True?
Is a relationship that is based on the mutual likes and interests of the participants doomed to failure or not?
If so then consider this. What would it be like, were the two people uninterested in what their partner liked. Such a relationship would be similarly doomed to failure.
Personality goes a long way but what happens when 'he' (Iknow it's an extreme example) wants to go bungee jumping but she wants to go to a garden exhibition! Good old inner conflict oh how i missed you!
So i put it to you, the reader(I hope!)help me out, is it what you like or what you are like?


Men were real men, women were real women and little furry creatures from alpha centuri were real little furry creatures from alpha centuri.

Yo Smartcolourblue, you may not know who I am just yet, and you know what - I hope you don't! Cos I haven't the faintest clue who you are. So hopefully we're on even footing. Anyway...

I've thought about this question before, it's interesting. I think one of the biggest issues at work is this - What is it that makes us like the things we like? After all, you can't really get past the fact that the two are very much connected - we like the things we like because of who we are and what we are like. Before getting too mixed up in that, let's throw something else into the pot

The relationship between what we like and what we are like is dialectic (I think that's the word!) - they affect each other dynamicly. So, because of what we're like, we take an interest in things and get to like them; This in turn changes and shapes us as people, causes us to have the experiences that define our character. Because we are slightly different after each experience, the things we like gradually evolve over time, and these in turn affect us...

You see where I'm going with this. If you're still reading, you got past the philosophical bit - well done, you get a cookie. Now for the practical application...

The things you like should say a lot about what you are like. An interesting person (and let's face it, that's the kind of person we all want to be with, it's an added bonus if they're devastatingly attractive ) will have interests that they have taken the time to become well acquainted with and attached to. These interests will have done a lot to affect their character, make them who they are. You can't really just look past the things a person does and try to see the real 'them', the two are inseperably connected. Sooo...

I personally think it's important that, in a relationship, you like many of the same things (movies, music, books, art etc), but this is only because of the disproportionate importance I place in these things! Maybe not. If you and your partner like the same things for the same reasons, everyone's happy! If you like them for different reasons, it's even more interesting. I think the practical importance is that you are in a position to understand how your partner thinks, how they feel about things. If you hate the things your partner likes, how 'compatible' (ugh - cliche!) can you be?

At the end of the day, you're gonna want to do things with your partner (no grins) and if you have no common interests, that's gonna be difficult. This post is now reaching ludicrous length, so I'll finish with the unusually relevant question posed by that genius among men, Ralph Wiggum.

'So, do you like... stuff?'

Lovers lie around in it.
Broken glass is found in it
Grass
I like that stuff.

Tuna fish get trapped in it
Legs come wrapped in it
Nylon
I like that stuff.

Eskimos and tramps chew it
Madame Tussaud gave status to it
Wax
I like that stuff.

Elephants get sprayed with it
Scotch is made with it
Water
I like that stuff.

Clergy are dumbfounded by it
Bones are surrounded by it
Flesh
I like that stuff.

Harps are strung with it
Mattresses are sprung with it
Wire
I like that stuff.

Cigarettes are lit by it
Pensioners get happy when they sit by it
Fire
I like that stuff.

Dankworth's alto is made of it - most of it
Scoobedoo is composed of it
Plastic
I like that stuff.

Man made fibres and raw materials
Old rolled gold and breakfast cereals
Platinum linoleum
I like that stuff.

Skin on my hands
Hair on my head
Toenails on my feet
And linen on my bed

Well I like that stuff
Yes I like that stuff
The earth
Is made of earth
And I like that stuff.

--"I Like That Stuff", Adrian Mitchell

Ugh! Right. Time for 'I Hate That Stuff' by Godsgrewsorry.

Adrian Mitchell.

Did you like that one? Huh?! Never mention that 'poem' to me again!

You asked. Anyway, your poem doesn't rhyme!

I can see where you are coming from 'Gods' But surely a relationship is doomed if one cannot participate in the others interests and vice versa. Obviously a relationship based on these things is similarly doomed but i think that it provides a solid base on which 'you can build'(I know!)
You said that a persons character and their interests are intrinsicaly connected? Following that reasoning a girl who listens to boyzone is then unlikeable? That i think would take two-thirds of the population of the world out of the running!

Been a while, but now that I know who you are (you evil genious) I can put a little perspective into the conversation...
No, of course you shouldn't just write off a girl who likes Boyzone, or Destiny's Child for that matter(!). But there is still the fact that she likes them - the question, as always, is why? Maybe music isn't a huge factor in her life, and she just likes to listen to something mind-numbingly banal as an escapist measure. Maybe she's very interesting in other ways. Maybe not, and as Barney says, 'Talk to the woman, and you will find you have nothing in common'.
But there it is - getting to know someone is an involved and complicated process. In many ways the 'what you like' appraisal is an attempt to simplify the process, and it's not something you should base a hard and fast rule on. But it's still useful as a signpost, a flag that either attracts or repels you whether consciously or not. Things in common or so often used as a convenience - it gives you something to talk about. You could approach a complete stranger and strike up a conversation if you knew you had something you were both passionate about, it's an icebreaker, a social convention. And in the beginning, thats not only necessary but can be great. Later on, the connection should surpass the trivia it was originally based on. The little things are no longer so important.
So, there we are. No easy answers. And that sounds like life, alright.