h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of the "Get Writing" challenges is to keep a Dream Diary for a week. So, here's the first entry for Mon/Tue night...

I'm walking somewhere in central London, following a set tourist walk. There are signposts indicating the route of the walk, and I have a brochure or booklet which tells me about the sights online. I've just emerged from a shopping mall (converted from an old Victorian gothic-style market building) where a council housing office nestles between modern coffee shops. The floor of the mall slopes steeply upwards, as if the builders of the original Victorian market hall had just covered over an existing market street running up a hill.

I'm worried that I left the building through the wrong door, since this one is very narrow. But, I see the next tourist site ahead of me: high, chalky cliffs rising out of London's streets a couple of miles away, and towering over the low buildings. I'm surprised, because I didn't know there were any such cliffs here. A nearby sign explains that these are the tall hills of Wandsworth, famous for their quarries, and that this is the best place to view them.

The good view is probably because we're at the top of the small hill with the market/mall building, but I'm disappointed that I can't see the Thames between here and the cliffs. What I thought was the river turns out to be an open drainage ditch. Still, the next part of the walk involves crossing the ditch and following it, past the edge of what looks like a sewage farm although there's no smell, and I don't think I was expecting one.

This brings me to another old Victorian market hall, this one still in its original condition as an historic monument. Walking through it, I see what looks like an overhead railway bridge cutting through the building. This is odd, because I remember I've never been on a train on those lines. I look in the booklet and see that this was part of an uncompleted railway line intended to link North and South London by crossing the centre on bridges. This is all that remains.

By now, two old ladies have joined me on the walk, and I tell them about the history of the line from the booklet. We then go into a nearby room in the building. This one is actually under the bridge itself. It is decorated in shades of white and pale grey, with some dark grey stone memorial plaques on the walls. One corner has a raised step with a few newspapers on it for people to take.

The guidebook says that this was a vital place during World War II, where people would gather to read free newspapers every day. The heavy, metal structure of the old railway bridge above protected them from falling bombs. One curious detail mentioned in the booklet is that despite the poor technology of the 1940s air-conditioning, the room never felt hot and sweaty, no matter how many people crowded in.

I find the reason why, when I follow the walk into the next room. I step through the door, and find myself on an Underground platform. The large room was in a tube train, and as it moved the breeze kept people cool. It's one of those old-style tube trains you used to see on the Waterloo & City Line - just like you'd expect for an old, historic site - except that this station, at the City end of the line, isn't at Bank but St. Paul's. This can only mean one thing - I've got off the train at the wrong stop for continuing the walk!

The Waterloo & City platforms at St. Paul's are part of a working museum of ancient tube trains. Many exhibits are narrow-gauge steam trains - the only way steam trains could fit through those tiny tunnels! They still run occasional services for tourists. As I wander around, looking at them, I wonder if I could take one to the next stop to continue the walk. By now, the two old ladies have disappeared, and I've been joined by my dad, and by one of my cousins but as he was as a child, not as he is now.

We decide against taking the steam train, since my dad thinks some of them look unsafe. Instead we leave the museum, and head into the main St. Paul's station to catch a regular Underground train to our destination.

From this point on, my memory of the dream starts breaking up. There are only odd scenes, but I'm not sure how they're connected.

At some point, my dad abandons the journey because it would involve travelling on the Circle Line, and Circle Line trains are too boring design for him. He wants train's that are interesting to look at. Then later, I'm on a Central Line train, as it pops above ground to stop in a station just called "City". By this time I'm accompanied by two headless women, with their heads tucked underneath their arms in traditional Anne Boleyn-style. They leave their heads behind on the train seats, and expect me to carry them.

And, just as I'm beginning to think this is all getting a bit strange, I wake up.

(Now, I haven't travelled on the Underground for ages. In fact, the last time I was in central London, I took the bus. So why did it feature so heavily in my dream last night?)

Only fragments of dreams last night; no connecting story to link them together.

The first dream was about the Underground again. That's two nights in a row. And once again, I could even tell pointless details like which line it was: the Central line, one of the above-ground suburban stations with their distinctive modernist architecture.

I was a suave, sophisticated 1950s-style private eye or secret agent. The first part of the dream involved getting to the station, and it took the form a video game, showing an overhead view of the route there. Playing the game, I kept missing the station, and had to cheat to get there.

Then we jump to me sitting on the platform, reading a book and then talking to the only other passenger there while we wait for the first train of the morning. It is vital to the success of my mission that I catch this particular train. It arrives, but on a different platform. I have to run across the footbridge to the other side, but I keep forgetting things (my bag, my book, etc.) and going back for them. My fellow passenger is helpful, and he hands them to me, but I'm worried this will damage my character's suave, sophisticated image.


* * * * *


Next comes a fragment where I'm myself again, watching telly at home. It's a Christmas special episode of a sitcom. A repeat of last year's Christmas special, showing in the run up to the festive season. Another special episode will be showing later this evening


The scene I'm watching features one woman trying to murder another, by strangling her with a silk scarf. Unfortunately, she makes a mistake and accidentally strangles a shop-window mannequin that just happens to be standing in her kitchen. She believes her murder was a success, but then her intended victim (who looks nothing like the mannequin) walks in, totally unaware of what's happened. The would-be murderer gives a comical double take.

And at this point, my mum interrupts, trying to tell me that there'll be an episode of the show tonight, and that she'd hate to miss it. I try to tell her there's an episode of it on right now, but she doesn't believe me. She goes home instead of watching it.

Meanwhile, back in the sitcom, the woman has finally been killed, and an innocent woman has been arrested for the murder. A CID inspector is questioning her at the police station. She tells him that she was somewhere else when the crime was committed.

"Did anyone see you," asks the inspector.

"No," she replies, "because I was invisible."

He doesn't believe her, but she proves it by tuning herself invisible. First just her body, leaving her clothes showing, wrapped around nothingness. Then, she finds enough energy to make those disappear to. Finally, she makes just her face reappear, looking like it's floating in the air in front of the inspector.


* * * * * *


I'm still watching telly. Now it's a different show but still a Christmas special. An epic mini-series, loosely based on "A Christmas Carol", but extended so Scrooge is visited by spirits over twelve Christmases, not just one Christmas like you find in inferior versions. And there's music from eighties pop group Duran Duran, using this as the vehicle to launch their big comeback. (Although they do look out of place, playing their electric guitars in Victorian scenes!)

A supermarket chain is sponsoring the show, and the sponsors have made sure Scrooge gets additional lines about how wonderful their supermarkets are. And during the ad break, there's an advert for these supermarkets.

The ad features a celebrity (possibly Gary Linneker, I'm not sure) doing his Christmas shopping, when a man snatches something out of his shopping trolley. Linnaker chases him through the supermarket, passing several special bargains which a voice-over describes.


* * * * * *


The dream shifts again, and now I'm doing my Christmas shopping in the same supermarket. I'm buying lots and lots of cards. More cards than I'll ever need. I've reached the checkout, and am pulling out my wallet, ready to pay, when I suddenly notice one more card that I've got to buy. I rush over to it, but decide it's not worth getting after all. I return to the checkout, and see that I'd left my open wallet there. Luckily everyone is so honest that they haven't taken it.


* * * * * *


And that's when I woke up. I'm not sure why Christmas featured so heavily in last night's dreams, since normally I don't even start thinking about Christmas shopping until December!

hi, solarpenguin (the name caught my eye). Not qualified or sane enough to comment on dreams. Just wanted to say hi, i'm new too, keep dreaming in a happy and hoopy way.

Thanks Beebleburger. Are you in "Get Writing" or "h2g2"? The two message boards have a nasty habit of overlapping when you least expect it. I think the BBC were just too cheap to pay for decent software. For some reason, they'd rather spend the money from the TV licence on making TV programmes. Go figure...

Interesting question. I joined h2g2, but as you say, there is an overlap. But I'm dabbler in writing (I specialise in the unpublished genre). So what's that? Synchronicity? Coincidence? When time allows, I look forward to exploring your side of the site. Good luck!