h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 Our lives are never simple are they, we seem to be born and already someone is giving us a smack......"we need to do it to make the baby cry" goes out the call of the midwife, rubbish! Midwives are the tools of the devil. How else do you explain what makes rational people want to look AT THAT all day. I mean, really......(huff)


Oh, and why is it the girl you love is ALLWAYS going out with someone else?.....Is it too hard just to love the one you're with....simple answer...YES....Because the girl you love would never fart in bed, try and strangle you in the night, lay on your throat and almost asphyxiate you, she would also, willingly, sleep with other women whilst you watched and occasionally let you join in, she would never mind you going out with your mates and coming home all drunk and luvvy, she especially wouldn't mind being woke up at 2:20 in the morning to be faced with a drunk oaf with aspirations of l'amour. In short the one you love is perfect.......until you actually start going out with her......then it's that girl you just saw on the bus......

Now, cars are bad. You don't need to be a genious to work that one out, but let's look at the reasons why.
1:They are bad.
2:They drive on the road
3:They have people driving in them.
4:They have YOUNG people driving in them.
5:They seem to be powered these days, not by the internal combustion engine, but by loud stereos.
6:It's never real stereo anyway, cos there's nearly allways about 90 speakers. Kind of sledmadraphonic sound.
7:There's never any actual music coming from them, just a bass drum.
8:Youths no longer pit their cars against each other, they pit their stereos....or sledmaphoes....They are judged, by the furthest distance the sound can make a normal human ear bleed.The record, set by Nigel Whithers (age 17)in 1998, stands at 50 paces. The stereo...or sledmadphoe...was seen to get a good bleed from both ears.
Nigel was heard as saying he was pleased with the result, but will be back next year with an extra bass tube, to push the envelope even further.
9:If everyone rode a motorbike the world would be a better place.
10:Because without cars on the road, we could ride really really fast...thus cutting journey times in half, saving millions of pounds in lost productivity.....but then, it would probably end up like Calcutta......no....thinking about it......cars are good.....long live the car.

Why is everyone being so down on Episode 1?
I keep hearing 30 year olds saying....it's bloody kids film......
WELL OF COURSE IT'S A KIDS FILM! You can't expect Star Wars to have grown up with you......you're now 30 not 7, what did you expect? A Merchant Ivory production? "Oh how my heart giddies at the thought of Anakin" -Queen Amidala.
I mean, get real, the whole point of Star Wars is to be a kid again. For 2 hours or so, you can be 7 again.....exept this time you've probably been to the bar first, so you are a mildly inebriated 7 year old, with no-one to tell you off. It's bliss. Also, you've probably got a girlfriend now(though not one you'll love -see above), who will let you do stuff without having to give her your sweets first. So you don't have to go home and look at the knicker pages in the catalogue. (not that i ever did.....someone told me about it)

Who is general fault? And why is he reading my hard drive?






 
 

He's looking to see which files you're constantly using so that he knows which ones to prevent from working just when you need them most.
Where do you stand on pushbikes when they're being ridden by normal people, not London-trained cycle couriers?

Pushbikes are cool, only 2 wheels you see.
I must adimit it's a long time since I rode one, but I can remember the feeling of satisfaction I used to get freewheeling down hills.
(I never much liked riding up them though).

I like freewheeling up hills, does that seem odd?
(I never really fitted in at school either, I kept falling up the stairs..)