h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS.



The aim of my writing in the first place was to restore and record historical events that should never be forgotten, and the numerous people on the highway of life that I had passed by so often. I could try to make an impression by mentioning the famous persons that I have met on that bumpy road, over too many years, but they have been needlessly recorded over and over again already.

My main concern was to record events concerning infinitely great people who now sadly no longer exist, except perhaps in my head, and of course now in H.M’s Buckingham Palace Library a postumous tribute at last.

It is back in the late 1940’s, and although we are only teenagers, we are working fully loaded passenger trains in and out of The Big City during the blitz. While the German bombers were using the firebox glow as a guide, and trying to score a bull’s eye down the engine’s chimney.

The gallant engine drivers knowing our fears, often say “ Don’t worry son, I have done this run all week and I will get you safely home tonight,” and with a great skill never acknowledged, they did just that. They never mentioned that their proper firemen had also done it all week, and we were only there because he had gone off sick, but who could blame him?

Somehow we seemed to have obtained a sense of complete immunity from harm, slight injuries did actually happen by accident, but as my mum said, “you will heal, but be careful with your clothes.” I am sure that she was only joking, but replacement clothing was difficult to obtain at the time, except of course the railway issued uniform.

At this time I had already escaped instant death several times, so my sense of invulnerability was probably even stronger than anyone else’s. Especially when one near miss of a broken neck at the age of about eighteen years was only prevented by what can only be described as a supernatural miracle. (Yet another story.)

There would be many more near misses, no more miracles, but there would be several definite warnings of danger later as my senses and reactions became honed to a fine edge by my own experiences, and the expert tuition of two great philosophers of life in the City.

Later, when I was fortunate enough to be teamed up with Police Dog Storm, the fine edge was honed even sharper, as some of his superhuman abilities seemed to be transferred in my direction. We could confidently enter the largest of buildings in the dead of night, and we both knew immediately if there was anyone in there or not.

This unique partnership was demonstrated quite clearly one morning when a Uniformed Inspector of little talent himself, called me into his office about 9am.” This is David Furness he is the son of the Chief Detective Inspector, and our latest Cadet. I want him involved in a good arrest as soon as possible, and I have been told that you are the man who can do it.

Take him with you for about a month, that should be long enough, but get him to court as soon as possible. “Has he got a pair of handcuffs?” I said, and after the Inspector had been to the large cupboard in his office, he handed David his first pair of the brand new American styled handcuffs, and off we went in my police van.

By now being in great favour in high places, I had actually sprayed the brand new police van dull green, and removed all insignia and reflective chrome parts, this was a great advantage towards actually catching thieves in action.

We went into Osborne St warehouse, a large railway building just off Oldham Road, Manchester. Storm and I just looked towards each other and I said, “ You are in luck David there are two in here now, taking lead off the roof.”

There was not a sound from anywhere that we could hear, and David was obviously not convinced. But he most certainly was when I gave Storm silent permission to detain anyone inside the warehouse, and away he went to the top floor and began to bark furiously. We both joined him, and I said “ Come down here both of you and bring some of that lead with you.
” Alright, but fasten that B dog up first” followed by “ Please” as Storm gave a further warning growl.

Down from the roof with a bump, came a small rolled up piece of lead flashing weighing about twenty pounds, followed by two very dusty figures, men of about thirty years of age.

I knew quite well that a lot more lead had been stolen, but by now the patient words of my mentors had taught many lessons. Such as, if the thieves thought that they were gaining an edge, they would plead guilty to the theft of a smaller value the next morning, I also knew that the value was of little importance, I only wanted the guilty plea. If there were any problems I would have to take the evidence to court, perhaps several times, and the lighter it was the better.

David was back in the office with his two prisoners in less than two hours from setting off, and his brand new American type handcuffs had been put to good use in record time. The arrest of two thieves, on the first day of service was also quite a record in itself.

He was completely bewildered, he could not understand exactly what he had just seen and heard. Although he rose swiftly thorough the ranks as expected, and eventually became a Chief Detective Inspector in that other big city London, he never found out just how it was done.

I do know that he made enquiries in that direction from my own tutor and good friend, the legendary Chief Inspector Shelton, but that old fox could not be quizzed by lessor mortals and the secret remained so, until now of course.

It is a fact that two persons can become almost as one, knowing almost exactly what the other one is thinking. On the other side of the coin, occasionally two persons may actually live together for many years, and still have no idea of the thoughts of their partner on any subject at all.

If the partnership is with an animal of superior senses, such as scent discrimination, hearing and speed, then that team is a great deal more efficient than just a human one.

Our partnership had become The Perfect Team, so that even the slightest glance conveyed a message or a silent instruction that no one else could detect. Even expert judges in police dog competitions, never knew how we communicated to such a perfect standard as time and time again we obtained maximum marks in obedience and control. Except Chief Inspector Terry Shelton of course, he was actually the foundation of our success.

The remainder of the mystery is easier to explain because the arrest of the two men was actually due to good old-fashioned police work, an art seldom practised today.

Enquiries had been established previously regarding the right time to expect a good result, and as it was usual for the thieves to work in two’s to steal lead flashing, there was no reason to doubt that the scenario would be any different to normal. The apparently supernatural predictions were nothing more than educated guesses, assisted by the cooperation of a superhuman police dog, the legendary Storm.

Cheers Logicus,
How's about that then.

A very nice read, will read again before long for sure, not seen you over on more writing ,will put link over there if you dont mind

Thanks Bob,

See you later.

H.