h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Arriving there is exciting... Khabrovo airport is the crappest I have ever seen! Altho I noticed the dodgy airline (which is based there) in fact has several planes, tho most of them look somewhat second hand, and also owns a number of Ladas with signs saying ‘follow me’ to guide planes to the terminal. The Russian military were waiting at the bottom of the stairs as we got off the plane and onto a bus for a 20m ride to the terminal door, & thankfully no worries with immigration. I did however have to ask at information where to get my bag (the next building!)
2. The Cyrillic alphabet adds a whole level of complexity to the foreign language thing – not only do I not understand, I can’t even read it!
3. Seemingly, if it’s not labelled in neon, it’s not worth knowing about.
4. There is a profusion of public transport – trams, trolley buses, regular buses & mini buses but still masses of totally anarchic traffic & smog to rival London – altho more diesel fumes probably… Quite a few old Ladas, but also a good few BMWs, Mercs, Audis and Hummers!
5. There are plenty of hideous soviet apartments blocks in varying states of decay (altho no more hideous than other places I’ve seen them) and some new shiny apartments blocks (no more appealing than anywhere else!) There are lots of trees tho, and very clean pavements – the babushkas sweep them daily it seems, including 1 saw following a guy with a brushcutter mowing grass, sweeping it up off the footpath and putting it back in the grassed area! There are also some quite incongruous expensive-looking French & Italian-sounding handbag shops at the ground floor of rundown apartments blocks.
6. They produce 90% of the world’s Amber - it’s beautiful
7. When getting married, it is very important that the brides look as much like toilet roll dolls as possible (think big puffy skirts) and that all the guests decorate their cars and drive around for hours honking constantly.
8. It used to be a german city called Koenigsburg and there are lovely German red brick churches and gate houses, plus a stunning new orthodox cathedral.
9. There are little kiosks absolutely everywhere – selling cigarettes, bread, drinks, snacks, hot dogs/burgers and alcohol – which it seems you are obliged to drink in the street.
10. Even if you pay lot to stay in a hotel (which you pretty much ave to) the toilet paper will still bear a startling resemblance to sand paper, and you still aren't allowed to put it down the loo...

And there's one thing you do need to know - the supermarkets have fridges full of super-cheap beer & vodka (half litre, top shelf) 120 Rubels (just over 2 pounds/3.40 Euro/5 Oz dollars), yes, that’s half a litre for the price of shot!

(This partially explains the hangover I got the next night in St Petersburg...) More on that later...