h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Weavermeister,
I'm asking some of my steamed colleagues if they'll please have a look at a work in my works called "School For Rogues"....I know this is the caboose end of the train but, if you could read it and give me some gritty crits, you know, a reader's crit, incisive, pride-tromping, constructive, destructive, I don't care....you know how it is when you have a piece you think is just an adorable chip off the block; an someone comes along and says "By Christ, what a wanker. Is that yours!?" Well, I need the sword to fall, the shoe to drop, or summat.
Would you do me the honor?
Lynda

I have a copy and shall be studying it...

thank you

Do you have microsoft 'word' on your pc? I was thinking of making my comments directly into the text and emailing them to you.

Wordperfect I have. Fire away. I think. My head hurts. Good morning. Not necessarily in that order.

I don't know how compatible the two are, so I'll give it to you straight.

For a start, I was really surprised by this, as it differs so much from most of the work you've read. Of course, that might just be lack of due dilligence on my part.

I thought the 'voice' of the story was pitched almost perfectly - you get some of the sense of wonder at actually being within the portals of the SfR without understanding why. This will work as a great attractor, keeping the reader interested. Why, indeed, would a 'lady' even want to gain entry when more feminine methods of getting what you want from life are at hand? In short, the story is definitly going places. I also liked the way you've used your GW persona in the tale.

On the minus side, if you're going to give the impression the speaker is thinking of what to say as the tale is related (a device I've not often seen work well), I'd try for something other than "..distinctly masculine, ah, mood about it.", because, to me, this doesn't read, ah, too well.

I suppose I should be a bit careful - some of my recent crits have come over a little too schoolteacherly for some (although what use "a good read" to those seeking to improve their style) but any crit should always be read with a silent "In my humble opinion..." right at the start.

Later, MyMare

W

Schoolteacherly? Pah! You play poker, you're a great writer of tales, you're not a round heels, and ah, how shall I say, I Asked you to be teacherly.
Hmm, I like the immediacy and unpredictability that "thinking out loud" gives the narrator; but if it doesn't read, ah, too well, then out it goes.
Thanks Weaver.
Tcha!

Hey, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! The immediacy is great, it was just that particular bit!

okay thanks. I am now going to engage in what can only be called a spate of unguilty writing. Had to work like a donkey for it, but well worth it. I'd almost forgotten what it were like.
Thanks Weaver!
Andmymare