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Hi PJ
PenJen Posted Jan 30, 2005
How 'short' is this to be?
Maybe hold off the fact that she was just toying with him until the end... let her tease-please him and THEN he finds that Savanna is indeed Simon. (most Lady boys are real lookers, anyway).
I take it that this is his car, he's driving, where to though? Or is that taxi you mentioned earlier - it's a bit unclear.
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Maybe: 'He feels the money safely in his pocket and opens the car door'.
What's the title? Is there a set theme? Have you an organised ending?
Let them at it. Lady boy me thinks. Why? I don't know and it's the Sabbath day and I should go to Mass and repent...
Hi PJ
brassrazoo Posted Jan 30, 2005
I just spent 19 minutes looking at page 1 (of 2) Duh!
Savanna is Simon (yeeerrrs) but he's Muscle Boy - and they're all poofs anyway. His car, finished his show, going home to mum he would be, except now the girls in his car.
Title:G String Boy Eats Fabulous Peaches
(seriously).
Theme (was) Mum is ruining his life
Hi PJ
brassrazoo Posted Jan 30, 2005
OK OJ Thanks for the help. I have decided on a mass suicide at the traffic lights (shoot! it's a freeway, no lights). OK, he hits a rabbit crosing the road and she unfortunately dies, he gets accused of her murder and he is convicted on evidence that the G string is caught around her neck. Theme : keep your crotch wear to yourself.
Hi PJ
PenJen Posted Jan 30, 2005
Sorry for the Deeee-lay. Got distracted...
So M'Boy meest Missy Sheen. They get car, drive, stop in an alleyway, he tries to touch 'she-he' up and de nada. Peaches and cream, no?
As 'Mum is ruining' his life... Take the girl home. Meet the Ma. Ma recognises her as long lost daughter or her lover or her hubbie's bit on the side or are they really all 'poofs' (hate that word)...
Does it have to be 'peaches'? No plums or bananas?
Fruit and nut cake? Christ - I will have to repent (seriously).
Hi PJ
PenJen Posted Jan 30, 2005
Ach... Brass!
The bloody rabbit - 'Fatal Attraction' meets 'Christine'?
Actually, i kind of like that and the knicker twist at the end. Leaves it wide open for interpretation. Sorry, i haven't been much help and couldn't take this seriously. Just feeling a little smarty pants this morn.
If you do write this up I would genuinely like to read it and give honest opinion. Give us a shout AND while you're here go read my latest, Spacey.
Cheers,
Jen
PS: Bushkite - Apologies for having to read and decipher the plot here. There's a damn good story in there somewhere!
Hi PJ
brassrazoo Posted Jan 30, 2005
Ta Jen, I didn't need serious comment, I'm up for the laugh. This story has to be completed by next Saturday - it will probably be unrecognisable by then - but it will be about Muscle Boy (and he won't be a Sheila).
Hi PJ
PenJen Posted Jan 30, 2005
Righteo and to the left then. So will I get to read about Sheila then when you're finished?
Good luck with it. Thanks for the craic.
Catch ye soon, Brass.
Jen
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