h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Quite a few years ago now, I noticed the absurdity of the notion that peoples' consciousness continues to exist in some meaningful way after we die. Lest this inquiry immediately digress into diversions such as "legacy" or "living in the hearts of those who remember us", I am writing about death.
The most common tool for easing the anxiety related to our knowledge of our own mortality and the mortality of those for whom we care seems to be denial. The basic scenario goes something like this: "Daddy is not really dead. He has left his body and is now in a good place with good people and we will go there and be with him when we die. By the way, the guy who shot daddy is going to a bad place where he will be really sorry for what he did forever. Now eat your dinner and clean your room or you might end up in the bad place."
Obviously, this is a desirable scenario if you wish to comfort your flock and get them to follow your instructions. The first part of the scenario is comforting in grief or in fear of death. The second part is desirable when angry at injustice. The third part of course, in handy for getting compliance.
Desirability, comfort and utility do not, of course, make a story true. The fact of death is perfectly plain to any observer not hypnotized by an attractive story, overwhelmed by grief, or misled by a trusted parent or leader.
There are, of course, many people who are unable to accept as true the various fictions designed to mitigate the fear of death. Why this is the case is as unclear as how others can accept fantastic notions of rescue from death in the face of all evidence. For this group the question arises, "What can we do to accept our eventual extinction?"
In my case, I have had only partial success in living with this knowledge. First, I have considered the state of death. What is it like? I know that my living self has been programmed through natural selection to avoid it at all cost. It is reasonable to assume that I exist at least partly due to my ancestors tendency to try to survive as long as possible. Apathy toward living is not an attitude that leads to an unbroken chain of descendants. The fact that we abhor death is not a less effective adaptation just because it is doomed to eventual failure. Okay, so we don't want to die. Fine. But we are intelligent creatures and at least some of us know that it is going to happen to us. It happens to everyone, always, every single time and there is no way out of it.
Is there some attitude or point of view that can allow us to live honestly and relatively peacefully with this knowledge? I don't know. My best efforts have left me with mixed results.
The following are some of my own experiences and findings on the subject.

1. I have found that communicating with others who are aware of their mortality can be comforting. Forums such as this and the Unitarian Universalist church are two places where I have found people to talk to about this intelligently. I feel better able to handle the truth when I am in understanding company.

2. Reading books on biology, philosophy, an atheism help to reduce the mystery and fear which is so carefully nurtured by religionist, politicians and others with an agenda to sell.

3. Mark Twains' statement that being dead would be just like it was before he was born made a lot of sense to me and did not sound too bad.

4. I feel I am closer to understanding that the end of life is the end of the perceiver. There is no one there to care whether it is dead or not. No longer are there any OPINIONS about ANYTHING. The experiencing is finished. There is no knowledge of who is at the funeral, of the current state of the body, if anyone else is left alive anywhere or if they finally balanced the budget. There is no one there to be unhappy about anything. Living people can go and do what they want because it isn't going to bother the dead.

5. The last experience I wish to relate is the most troubling for me at present. I have come to relate the death state to a sound dreamless sleep which is common for me to have. There is nothing unpleasant or memorable about these periods of rest and the imagery is quite pleasant. The idea has backfired on me in a most unexpected way. Connecting sleep with end of life has resulted in my being reminded of death often when preparing to sleep. This is not very pleasant and I hope to find a disconnect for that association.

I hope others who read this will feel a little less alone and will respond with their experiences and thoughts on the matter. I am looking forward to your feedback.