h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Having had a glass or two of ale one sunny saturday afternoon I decided to retire early. While getting undressed at the top of a very steep flight of stairs I caught my foot in my trousers, one leg in, one leg out and promptly fell top to bottom losing a tooth, breaking a wrist, toe, nose and jaw, a six inch cut to the scalp made a terrible mess on the carpet. The ambulance service were wonderful and I woke up several hours later in the local general hospital. Thats where the problems really began. Initially denied pain relief due to the head injury (understandable)I was transferred to a ward where I was denied treatment for three days due to lost records and a doctor stating that I was not her patient and any medication had to be prescribed by the doctor that admitted me to hospital, he had been working nights and was now off duty. I saw him on the following tuesday and was prescribed pain relief which was welcomed as you can imagine. Wednesday saw the arrival of a specialist to look at my jaw who stated that he could not stitch jelly and had he seen me earlier he could have done something about it, but not now. The following friday saw me at the fracture clinic for the injury to my wrist which was duly set for a particular injury, unfortunately not the injury suffered. By the time the mistake was realised the bones had set in the wrong position, it's now to late to put right. The nose has healed with a large lump on one side and I have been given the option of keeping the lump or a large scar, I am keeping the lump. So never take your trousers off at the top of the stairs you never know what the result will be