h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's my sis's 21st on March 1st and I was trying to think of funny pearles of wisdom to impart about life, now that she is all grown up - at least in the eyes of the law..

My muse has kind of left me at the mo, can anyone think of any, please?

The only one I can think of off the top of my head is from the sunscreen thing - "Don't read beauty magazines, they'll only make you feel ugly", oh, and - "remember your choices are half chance, so are everybody's."

That's good I like it......good advice, but I want some funny stuff too...like....

When you have run out of washing powder/liquid do not use dish soap as a substitute..unless you want your house to have a foaming all over wash...

umm....

If you are going to clean your fireplace with a vacuum after the ashes are cold of course - make sure that the vacuum is firmly closed, therefore as you clean fire grate the ashes are not spewing out over the rest of the living room...

another one.....about washing machines, me and washing machines do not get on too well...

If you get to the stage when you need more support in your bras -underwire can do serious damage to a said machine...make sure all wires are firmly enclosed in bra..

1) Never put out a campfire with your face

2) Never kiss a moody rhinoceros on the lips

3) Wear sunscreen.

'Experiance is a comb that nature gives to men when they are bald'

I have the perfect funny list somewhere, I will look for it
In the meantime;

A woman is like a tea bag: you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
- Nancy Reagan

She was never a role model for me but this quote is too good!

hehehe! yeh...

I did have some somewhere too but cannae find owt...shall have a browse now my computer's working...earlier I couldn't get in here, due to tekkie problems on site coupled with my comp being offended..

I had two trojans slammed into my computer last night in the space of two minutes but luckily McAfree cleared them up...I hope!

Some people just have way too much spare time on their hands to cause mischief

RE: b'day again -

I was going to keep my letter themed on love, life and laundry...

I have to fedex stuff tomora to get there in time...always leave stuff till the last minute

<>

Oh, dear... When he was here at Christmas, my son installed some viciously strong anti-virus and trojan software - it lets me know if there is an attempt. At first, there were several a day, and now it's down to one a day, phew!!!

I wander who chose 'Trojans' as the name for the most popular brand of American condom? Mind you - I suppose the lady is being given a gift containing some potentially nasty invaders ready to burst out.... Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes, and all that.

Of course in the UK, it's Durex (which I understand is Sellotape in the antipodes).
Ian Dury was once approached by the London Rubber Company who objected about him using the word 'Durex' in a song. They said they 'Didn't want it to become a generic.'
His comment was 'I thought your generic was what you were meant to cover with it'

All of which reminds me of another piece of advice:
Always make *him* sleep in the wet patch.

*arrgh*

Your so bad!

I've sent the stuff off, well off with hubbie to fedex from work so no chance of adding that one..I'm sure she'll work it out for herself.

She's had such a bad time really, I wish for her a long and happy life.

At eighteen she miscarried a much wanted baby...and then shortly after her bf blew his head off with a shotgun.

Luckily she didn't find him in their apartment...someone else did - but still I can't imagine

I hope she gets all her birthday wishes, one of em is a computer which I can't afford just yet..she will have to make do with a pretty piece of jewelry that I bought for her.

A white gold drop pendant necklace with a heart shaped topaz (couldn't find an aquamarine one I liked) and some diamonds.

Thanks for all the funnies

Jaysus! That's some heavy s**t! Either of them on their own would be hard to bear.

MV, my best wishes for your sister, I too hope she has a happy life... The jewellery sounds lovely! Is she in the UK, or the USA?

*sigh*

She's not had it easy so far, Nyssa had the same experience, but also got left with two young kids to bring up alone, not sure which is worse.

to her, it makes *our* lives seem easy by comparison.

I love Ed's advice:

***All of which reminds me of another piece of advice:
Always make *him* sleep in the wet patch.***



zdt

Sorry to hear about your sister's tough times! I hope she has a great birthday, poor thing.

Who is Nyssa?

Adela, she is in the Isle of Man - just off the coast of England. A lil island inbetween England and Ireland to be exact.

Woo-hoo! My grandmother came from the Isle of Man, and my cousin and her husband lived there, in Douglas in the 1960s...

I knew a decorator called Nick who lived on the IOM. He said you can't say "Rats" on the IOM, it is considered bad luck!

Popeye came from the Isle of Man.

Of course, on the mainland, pubs are often given the name 'The Queen's Arms'. Since the Manx emblem is legs, it's 'The Queen's Legs'. Hence: 'What Time do the Queens legs open'.


So legend went around my way, anyway

<

Took my wife up the shitter last night.
It used to be the Lamb and Flag.