h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everyone is well-ish here, been busy with work, and day to day routine stuff. Geo and I are fine but G-force is a bit chesty and congested right now and on lots of asthma stuff - I so wish he hadn't have inherited that, at least there are better meds now rather than the stupid capsule spin-inhalers of the 70's *arrrgh*!

G-force has still been getting in trouble a lot at school, and we had to go to a meeting last Friday to discuss issues with his teachers, nothing much really was resolved...we are doing a BASC (Behavioral Assessment System for Children), and I have written a registered letter to formally request an Educational and Development Assessment (EDA) of which his teachers are not going to be overly impressed about...tuff I say, I want all avenues explored to help him have a less stressful time with his teachers and to be happy and productive in school.

The BASC is just a simple assessment that the teachers complete at school and we complete one at home and then the school psychiatrist adds up the score and discusses the results. All very well but we already know that what we say is going to conflict with the teachers being as he is a different kid in school...I just know in my gut they are leaning towards suggesting drugs to control him, and this is not where I want to go...not without a comprehensive study of his behavior...and his pediatrician agrees - that schools are too readily agreeable these days, in drugging the child to make them more malleable in school.

It's a long story about the battle of us with his teachers, and what they have said and what we have said etc...but basically we are tired of it, it's not about us - just him getting the best that he can from school. His pediatrician mentioned the EDA to us a while ago and we didn't pursue it being as his teachers said he was improving, till recently (another bone of contention between us and them!), and during the meeting I mentioned the EDA and was manipulated to agreeing to the BASC and that the EDA was not really what the teachers wanted - they already know he is intelligent.

After the meeting we took him to the pediatrician because of his chesty cold, and mentioned that he was still having behavioral problems in school, and he advised to push for this EDA and warned us that they will stall and not be very nice about having to do it, but under NY state law we are entitled to ask for it. He told us that the reason that schools drag their heels over this, is because for starters it's expensive and the school has to pay for it and an expert comes in and sits at the back of class and observes over a period of time how the child is doing, and performs a variety of IQ tests - so I understand, and I'm just guessing now, but from the sounds of it - evaluates the teachers responses to the children.

Good.

I want to be secure in the knowledge that G-force is being treated right!

I realize that teachers have to cope with a huge class of bundles of energy and it just takes one to disrupt them and they have a hard job, but if he needs extra help...then I want him to get it! Apparently they tell us that he has great leadership qualities especially when he is leading the class where the teachers don't want them to go...*chuckles* They have also said that he is socially backward, but academically he is way ahead and they have also suggested that he can have extra recess when he is good, because they are not worried about his academic skills.

I like this idea, but I also want to encourage his considerable academical skills.....and help him be more focused, I don't really think more *play* is the answer in the long run, altho I agree it will be good for him.

There is another option and that is finding out how G-force can get a scholarship to a private school. The ratio of students to teachers in these schools is usually at the most, 6 to 1. Right now it’s 24 to 1.

Geez.....being a parent is hard.

I worry that he may have a form of autism because of what his teachers have said about his behavior, but then again - he is such a different boy at home...it's confusing, I'm lost

If anyone has any advice, suggestions or personal experience to share, please feel free - I won't be offended.

I do not have answers or advice but I do know I have read of similar frustrations. TR( tonsils revenge )has a thread called "paranoid lust" now>>> do not be afraid he is not on the prowl nor dangerous but a concerned parent and experienced with auspergers. You could go to his intro and read about AS experiences and/or introduce yourself.

GB ( galaxy Babe - on my friends list) maybe of some company or help .I will try to think of a few discussing school and testing problems.

I think that Zarquon may be a teacher or is knowledgable or maybe just infinitely wise There have been threads you might do searches for on h2 - find information or names of h2ers to talk to.

I am not sure if Z on Terris page can point to some help, he is DR or soon to be.

I'd fuss until you get the EDA as well. Your lad deserves the best of the best.

As for his being very different at home and at school, that is quite usual in perfectly 'normal' kids. I myself was shy and awkward and sulky and difficult at school, and charming and witty and sweet at home right up until I was thirteen (and then was a star at school and a little cow at home). My sister who has Aspergers is a lovely lovely, sweet, thoughtful girl at home, but then she knows us and can 'read' us because she's had practice. At school, when there are dozens of people in the room all at once and she doesn't know them very well, she often finds it really hard to concentrate or work out how to behave appropriately. She did get help when she was eleven, and finds it much easier to cope now, and her academic work has really improved. So even if G-Force does have a 'condition' (and he probably doesn't, you know. Most 'acting up' kids are like that simply becasue they have developed very quickly academically but are a little behind socially. That was my case!) it doesn't mean at all he'll always have a 'problem'. In fact, Aspergers or ADHD are often indicators of great intelligence and creativity and if he learns to cope with them now, he'll be a genius! So don't see this as a bad thing. It's a good thing and the school must do their best for him and not let him down.

Hi MV, sorry but I have no easy answers, I wish I did.

I have read stuff like this a lot though, where teachers want any kid slightly energetic or 'smart' drugged up. Its because they can't deal with that many kids in their classes I reackon.

The only thing I can suggest is to find some literature which says this. There must be something on teh web, and chalenge them with it. Are they wanting him on drugs because he is a bit arkward or difficult or something, not because they really think he needs it.

I can help search some stuff up if you like. Sorry you are having to go through this.

I do recommend asking GB how she has coped and Mina has a similar problem. They are both in Britain though and I have rtead that the US is much more into drugging then we are.

I'll point GB and Mina your way.

All I can offer is a supportive hug.

Seems to me you're going about things the right way.

Thanks for your help and suggestions of people to talk to Abbi

Aga - as always you are thoughtfully supportive and kind Thank you for sharing about your sister experiences.

Thank you Sorrel will have a look around on the web. I would like to sit in on a class and see him in action, but my being there will not give me a true picture of what's going on because he's different when I'm around, I have that parental *look* that makes him consider what he's doing when he checks to see if what he's doing is right.. I don't think that's allowed anyway..I didn't think to ask.

I had a dreadful time in school when I was a kid. He doesn't tho, he has friends and has a great time. Just struggles with the authority of the teachers and gets excitable with so much stimulation around him.

SR - I'ma worry wart...thanks

no advice to offer, just sympathy
it sounds like you're doing well standing up for G-Force and your sounds very supportive too

MV, I can see why you are upset, and it is important that the teachers don't get their way about drugs, until an assessment is done!

My nephew (15 years old) has *finally* been diagnosed with Aspergers, and his brother has some characteristics. I have worked with a lot of people with autism spectrum disorders, one woman who is fiercely intelligent ended up working at McDonalds (!) although her parents are both academics, and I believe, didn't actually want that for her.

It sounds as if the EDA is thw way to go, so do insist on it! If G-force does turn out to have ADD or something along the autism spectrum line, it is not the end of the world. He may have some issues with socialisation as Robert has, but if he is academically inclined, he can compensate in his life for any such problems. It is great that you and your husband are such staunch advocates for him - persist! I hope his cough gets well soon..

Thanks BC yeh his doctor is the best - a very nice man and explains so much too, doesn't just give a diagnosis and prescription...he gives you all the information in a friendly non-aggressive way Easily the best doctor I have ever dealt with, and I've seen a few...at work and personal..

Adela..thank you The teachers haven't broached the subject of drugs as yet, I think that they will tho, through the school psychiatrist after the BASC is completed. I could also be wrong - it has been known ...and worrying over nowt!

I just want other opinions, not just theirs. Someone independant and can view more objectively than I and his teachers.

I don't get it tho, on one hand the teachers say that he doesn't care about the other students, and in the next breath they say how kind and considerate he is, and is a great tutor to the other children that struggle with their work and gives them helpful encouragement in a thoughtful way. He is also really generous too with his things and can easily be manipulated by other students into doing what they want, he is a bit of comedian too - which drives the teachers insane..

There seems to be one teacher too, that has more problems with him than most, and she has been creating a big fuss. Geo and I had some polite criticism to offer her and she didn't take too kindly to it, and called us unsupportive parents.

This was after she criticized us and how G-force was doing in school in a special daily notebook and not so politely either - which was our issue.

We keep telling ourselves that he only has four months to go in this school then he moves up to second grade and goes to another school after the Summer Just hope they pull their fingers out and get this EDA done before he leaves because it won't be fair to do it in a new school with new teachers.

I still like the idea of private school, I shall have to find out more. I don't think that we could afford the striaght up fees tho, which is why he would have to gain a scholarship.

I guess we can wait out these four months, and see how he does in the next school, fresh start n' all.

As you can see, still stewing on it..

Right. Here's my ten pennorth as an ex teacher of kids this age, and also a pretty screwed up individual, who didn't want extra hassle.

I have had supposedly hyperactive type kids in my class many times, also ones who have been abused in various ways.

It was difficult to work round BUT i always managed it. It is part of the job.

My personal technique was to take kid on one side, privately, and say "Listen sunshine, me and you *have* to get along together for a year or so, plus the other kids *have* to cope with school too.I am in a position of having a lot more power than you, but YOU can make a deal...i don't want extra grief, you don't either. This decision is in your hands, give me grief and i give you a hell of a lot more. OR...between us, we can have a very goodtime, your choice kid."

It seemed to always work. Kids like this are invariably very intelligent and respond to logic. They usually end up as "teachers right hand guy", not in the sense of teachers pet, but as an individual who can wield power if necessary amongst their peer group.

DO NOT DRUG THE KID, no matter what, all this will achieve is a physical drug habit on top of a possible behaviour problem. Good grief, the poor soul can't even register his objections to being zombiefied, he is too young, it's an invasion of his human rights!

I had one kid, David, who was drugged up on Ritalin, and had been given up as a dead loss. After talking to him A LOT, we worked out he was bored stiff and obsessionally interested in animals, but nothing else. So i made him chief of the school farm, he wqas obliged to write weekly reports, work out costs of feeding etc, make sure the other kids knew how to pick up a chicken, poor sod had an unpaid full time but actually important job....er...and was using maths and language and all the rest of it.

After long convo with mum, he got off the Ritalin gradually and was fine.

Honestly, it CAN be handled, but only with a teacher who cares, and copoperation with parents. But don't let him know that everyone is monitoring him, wow, attention seeking behaviour rewarded BIG style!!!

I personally think there MUST be a way you can sit in and observe without him knowing it, classrooms have stockrooms, video cameras exist, somehow you must insist on finding out what the hell YOUR kid is like when he is away from mum and dad.

<<<<>>>

Yes, you have that "parental look"....and so should any decent teacher!!!! i could squash kids at 40 paces by looking at them...or even just stopping in mid sentence and staring very zenly....the other kids all look to see why you've stopped...one teacher plus 23 kids all looking at you doing something stupid tends to produce instant stoppage of stupidity....then you smile sweetly and carry on with whatever, no hard feelings matey, just stop buggering about!

*sigh*Occasionally, just very very occasionally, i actually miss teaching. But too much bloody admin and tests these days.

Hope this might help. Give G force a hug from me, tell him to email me some time.

to you, him and teacher!

zdt

Terri your wonderful, thanks for your ten penny worth, it's priceless

Wanna come to America and be his private tutor...ah..but where would you be without those swoonsome frog accents...mon ami

From the sounds of it, he is real hellion in the classroom when he gets going, especially with this one particular teacher. I would like to see what he does...and yes may insist upon it, if things don't improve.

He has two teachers regulary. He goes to one class in the morning and then another in the afternoon. Interestingly enough - in the brainy class he does better and is more managable...or...that could be that she is the better teacher!

Also the brainy class is in the morning....and most likely by the afternoon he is all worked up and excited and unsettled...so many, 'could be why reasons'...that add up to G-force hurricano..*arrgh*

Not to mention the cortico-steriods, albuterol and advair that he has to take for his asthma makes him excitable and shaky as well.

He is very impulsive, to the point where he forgets himself.

Don't know where he gets that from...

Thank goodness he is not aggressively mean with it. He isn't a fighter or calculatedly spiteful as far as I know, just more of an active climber and an opinionated noise maker!

there should defnitely be a way to deal with that without drugs
if they'd had drugs when I was at school half the class would've been zombified
not me, I was a little

Hmm, you could also try giving him a ...., no, i will get banned for recommending illegal substance abuse for minors. But maybe one for yourself?

zdt

Some very good ideas there Terri. The thing which gets me is there is only one teacher complaining it seems. So isn't it obvious they either have a personality clash which she should be able to deal with or she is just useless at dealing with kids that act up? Neither is reason enough to drug him. I mean he is the newest kid there isn't he, he has to act up to get respect, any teacher should realise the politics of the school yard?

Stupid useless woman

Awww thanks for being so supportive pro-G-force!



Love to you all!