h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At this time Earth is suffering abuse, which the human population, misgoverned therefore misled, ignorantly produces from out of its wantonness. Like a hibernating bear riddled with fleas, Earth is irritated and mangy, sorely effected by our parasitical behaviour. Henceforth, as a bear will seek to eject the fleas feeding from off of it, so too will this slumbering Earth eject men in its coming awakening. Humanities best bet is to calm down, to politely placate this Earth, to, metaphorically speaking, stop bleeding it dry with the greedy bites needlessly reducing Earths; a planet already direly affected by human infestation. Many already smartly perceive that Earth, cyclically stirring, as previously explained, whips up dangerous storms. Lament people, for perish ye will if you weakly allow those evilly corrupted governors of us their destructive ways. Rise up you must. Even the Prime Minister among you, even the King among you, even the weapons manufacturer among you, even the very most materialistic of you; get a grip, preserve your children and their future selves! Preserve yourself and your future selves. Forget your divorcements! Forget your wars! Forget your needs and your wants. All these things mean nothing to the destroyed. Save Souls, for Souls, the very Life of Human Being, are the only entities which guarantee us living and dying aliveness and the Eternal Life. This is true.

And this is true… Last Century, the 2oth, two massive wars were fought, effecting contests, which saw the most Nations and great great numbers of human beings involved. The latter of the two was by itself a holy war, unlike the other. But it was a holy war that many will never admit and the greater number then and since never understood such was the case. Only a very few were aware of the sacred motive for that destructive conflict; fewer again remained to observe the result of their failure. Such was that time; such was the political nature of the human world in those days, that it befell apparently evil men to engender the onset of a war so ferocious and intense that the whole human world was affected. Yet if we re-examine the motives of those men, the very few of them, who by their own prescribed course endeavoured to eradicate the advancement of modern science, which as they were aware even then, would destroy not just human beings but all beings and the very Earth itself, then we of this day, this evilly affected period, may be duty bound, no matter how upsetting, to concur with their original intention. Far back in time does this story begin, to the times of Sargon, of the Akkadian nation, who the first Empire builder in historical times. Amongst those he conquered were the Sumerians, whose stock could trace its roots back further than any other, they being the most civilised of all Earth dwellers in them days and therefore having comprehensive knowledge, not only of them selves but of all times. In them days they were to be found in the Mesopotamian region of the Middle Eastern lands, but they were truly global peoples who inhabited Earth, literally, as an oceanic race, using land much as we use the sea.