h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ugh. I knew today was going to be a bad day last night when I woke up in my car. It took me a moment to realize it, but the car was moving along very quickly down an unlit country road. Looking out the window I saw a house that still had an enormous amount of christmas lights on and they looked very cheery. Then it occured to me that if I wasn't driving, who was? My wife and I had taken separate cars to her christmas party, after all, and I couldn't smell her (I'll explain some other time). I looked over at the seat next to me and to my horror it was empty. That's when I realized that I was driving and the evening's events came crashing back into my brain. Four double vodka martinis and two Belgian beers ago I had been at Kelleys Martini Bar and the party was winding down so Jennifer and I decided to go home. I must be the greatest actor in the world when I'm sauced 'cause somehow I managed to keep my keys, get in my car and drive away without anyone saying anything. Either that or it's the insurance money. Anyway I somehow made it home without incident and woke up this (yesterday) morning in a coma. Again, ugh. Oh, and Hank, my 110 lb. Great Dane/Mental Patient mix stomped on my balls. What a horrible day. I need to lie down now. Cheers!