h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's a cold eery night 2nite & I (Faith) have been patrolling all nite, somethings wrong, it's to quiet 2nite. The only action i've had all night was a stinky old vampire, i dutied him tho... Is there gonna be anymore action 2nite??

giles runs to buffy and faith with news of a bunch of vampires our atacking the broze, dawn is there and is held hostage

Faith Takes her stake out of her jacket pocket & runs to the bronze with Buffy.... The doors are locked so Faith hits it with a carrot & it opens, Inside are 50 of more vampires, Buffy & Faith run in all guns blazin & start pelting the vampires with tomatoes.... The vamps arn't very happy, Faith stakes a few while buffy gets knocked out, faith runs to find the others to help...

while faith has ran to find help the vampires are hitting buffy with wet hadocks and cods then they get dawn and push her into the bar where all the cocktails mixers cover dawn in cerrys and pineapple chucks

Dawn becomes very drunk & she can't handle her drink so she's sick all over the place, Until now dawn has been a normal girl, but her sick is acidy & starts burning the vampires, Buffy gets up (stinkin of fish) and starts kickin sum ubervamp ass. Faith comes back with the others, but the smell of alcahol, sick & fish is to much to bare, They all pass out, exept for Faith, dawn & Buffy. By this time The vamps have all started to run in all directions, but not before kidnapping Anya & Cordelia.

after kiddnapping cordy and anya....anya starts to yap yap yap to the time so the vampires push her out the car as they escape with cordy...buffy runs over to anya but anya shouts at buffy GET AWAY FROM ME FISH GIRL..buffy so upset by this she crabs anya and finds the nearest dustbin and puts anya in there

Anya gets out the bin & turns all vengency & picks the bucket up & flings it a Buffy, then walks away shouting abuse at her... Buffy goes home for a shower. The rest of the gang patrol 4 a while.
Back at the house, Buffy is taking a shower when the water turns to blood,
She jumps back out the shower but the smell of blood has already attracted some vampires, She wraps the towel round herself & stats hitting them with her sponge. Just then Spike runs in & starts attacking the vamps. But the smell of blood is strong & he's very tempted.......

spike licking his lips of the blood on buffy he changes you see his fangs are really sharp and the glow of his yellow eyes you can see the temptation in them.. He starts to get rally nasty throwing vamps here and there out the windows down the stairs then he turns to buffy

I looked on as I seen faith go at this vampire that looked more corpse like than undead it was wierd it was too quiet it took all of about 2 miniutes for faith to slay the feeble vamp and strangly i was jealous i hadnt had my kill for the night and willow was out with tara xander out with oz on some guy thing I was no way going to see anya on my own she confused me with her money makes happy talk so i was here about 5 feet away from faith standing over a pile of dust and not even a hint of vamp in the air what was going on???

Just then Faith runs in and hits him over the head with a packet of beansprouts, Spike laffs at her, Faith finds this very annoying & punches him on the nose..... Spike says " wot did u do that for pet?" Faith seyz try that again and u'll lose an arm!! Just then Buffy sez, "do u all mind, i'm tryin to get fishy smell outta my hair! She returns to the shower & the water is clean again..... While Faith is watching tv downstairs the fone rings, It's the vamp who has cordy!! He seyz Meet me at the bronze at sun down tonite of you'll never c ur precious little friend again!!

Buffy slams hersefl up in her bed what on earth was all that about fish and corpses and alchahol what a mixture wait she looked out the window it was morning she thought about the night before The corpse looking vamp had been real out till the early hours and all faith and bug=ffy had found was one lousy vamp!

Faith told buffy about the fone call.
It was time to call in back up, coz they just knew it was a trap.... They called a few other slayers, Kennedy, molly & rhona..... They all made a plan for gettin cordy back. Dawn didn't feel to good after all that acidy sick the nite b4, she had severe heart burn so she decided to stay in bed. Spike lost his blanket on his way to buffy's house & ended up with a bad sun burn, He asked willow if she could make sum sort of sun block 2 stop this from happenin.... Night fall came & the slayers where gettin ready 4 a showdown to rescue Cordy, just then there was a loud bang!!

they all run out of the house to see what the noise was..i was the demon bikers riding into town throwing petrol bombs at cars one of them hits xanders car and that was the loud bang they heard faith ok this is getting out of hand we got vampires to deal with and now this what else can go wrong in sunnydale...buffy says just look at the state of the house ..xander say forget the house i'm still paying for that car...then xander looks up at the house and notices dawns window has been shattered he shouts DAWN and runs up stairs to notice shes unconcious on the floor

Xander gives dawn cpr, & she cought, spluttering acid on Xanders top, Xanders quickly takes his top off b4 it burns him...... Mean while the slayers split up, Faith & Molly go after the the bikers while Molly, Kennedy & Buffy go to meet the vampires, while Willow & Giles try to conjer a spell to create sunlight.
Back at the house Xander fixes the window & Anya just talks alot.

Spike walks up from the basement saying to Anya "bloody hell women shut up" Anya looks angry and turns to xander shouting at him to say something to spike he turns to anya saying "The man has a Point". Spike looks at him while lighting his fag up, Anya storms off upstairs yapping....Willow and Giles find the spell for sun light and begin to recite it suddley theres a bright flash and everyone is knocked to the floor from the flash and when they come to willow has gone.....

As they all awakened Giles, Anya, Spike & Xander, had all swapped bodies, Giles was Anya, Spike was Xander, "Bloody 'ell" sez spike, Oh, sez Giles nervously, Anya sez, yuk! i'm a rinkly old man now.... Oh my god I have a pe....Xander butts in "what are you complining about? I'm spike, a blood suckin vampire well yey 4 me"!!! Spike just laughs & sez looks like we have a bit of a problem then.....By the way, Wheres the witch?

buffy walks in the house to ask giles for a sword when she bursts out laughing cos cos anya was in giles body and giles in anya he looks up at her and says OH DEAR LORD im a demon a very old yappy demon...buffy after laughing for a few mins says we need help and back up..spike runs out the house and on to the street buffy shouts stop but it was to late he saw xander well spike in xanders body dancing in the street smoking a fag while poor xander had to go in the basement cos he was starting to burn

Mean while, Faith & Rhona where having fun slaying the biker demons, unaware that willow was missing & the other things goin on.......

Buffy, Molly & Kennedy went back to the bronze to attempt the rescue of Cordy, when they heard a scream, It was Willow...... They all stopped and looked at each other "Willow" buffy said in a low voice... Kennedy & Molly went looking to see where she was while Buffy went alone. Just then
Buffy seen a glowing figure coming towards her.... She stood ready 2 attack, Just then the figure said "Buffy, What have i done?" it was Willow, sum how she had managed to turn herself in2 sunlight.... Blinding buffy as she got closer willow didn't know what was going on.... Buffy said "Follow me, we'll deal with this after we've saved Cordelia.... As Buffy got to the bronze with Willow, she opened the door & every vampire in 100 ft from her burst in2 flames.... They grabbed Cordy & set off home killing any demon that was near with willows sunlight. Now we just gotta sort this out sez Buffy.

after buffy and willow leave the broze from out the shadows come dru she looks at buffy saying to her self YOU WON THIS TIME SLAYER.....BUT ITS JUST THE BEGINING YOUR NIGHTMARE IS COMING BUFFY AND YOU CAN'T STOP IT and goes back into the shadows.....buffy gets back home to find things are back to normal everyone is back in their body willow had to stay in the garden cos she was so bright it was blinding everyone...buffy said to everyone if your all back to normal why is willow like a orb of light then they here willow screaming they run out to find willow has change from a bright light to every ones fear willow standing there with black eyes and a grin shes looks at them then says I'M BACK

Just then Faith & Rhona came back. Everyone froze apart from Faith, who ran at her only to be thrown through the air by Willows powerful magic! Xander shouts "Willow, don't do this, we've been through this remember, just then he produces a yellow crayon from his pocket.... Everyone looks at him with a puzzled face "What? u aint the only ones that come prepared He shrugs.....
Vainy Willow looks at the crayon & melts it onto Xanders hand....He screams in pain.... Giles sez "oh dear! I'm getting out of here" as he cleans his glasses I'll go & hit the books sez dawn..... The others fight with wilow & eventually capture her & lock her in the basement.