h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 I phoned the Guardian Soulmates column tonight. This is because I am a sad and lonely man, who would like to be a little less of both of those things. Or just one would do.

I don't know if you've tried one of these recently, but these days, they're based on voice-mail systems. The advertiser leaves a message, sounding erudite and desirable, then you leave a reply sounding like a complete blithering idiot. Whose bright idea was this?

Let's face it, if you're using a personals column, you're probably a little bit shy. If you're shy, it's difficult enough talking to a member of the appropriate sex when they're present, but leaving a message on what is basically an answer-phone with an inferiority complex.... Does anyone leave good messages on an answer-phone? If they do, I bet they're not the type to use personal columns.