h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

INTERLUDE: PHILLIPS

He sat there at a well-furnished, round table sipping Earl Grey tea in the best China while sitting a comfortable, padded chair.
Looking around him at the confusion and the chaos of the now ruined world he smiled pleasantly to himself. With the damage made to Earth's vital nexus points made anything could send history collapsing into rubble.
The twin suns met over Gallifrey's noon sky. Taking up his pocket watch he beamed at the time displayed.
Soon they would be here. He had requested their services, a few parties from associated galaxies then the auction would start. Perhaps afterwards he would travel back to the primitive stage of human history and wrap it all up in a paradox by giving plans of the combustion engine to the Romans?
He smirked at the thought, almost spilling tea and set the tea back on the saucer.
'What do you want Rassilon?' he asked slowly knowing all too well that he was not alone.
'You do not know what you have done? What madness you have unleashed on us?' Rassilon explained as he ventured round to Phillips' side, his weak golden form leaning on his cane.
'Madness? You mean that I was not aware that I have toppled one of the oldest civilisations in the universe? I am and I'm celebrating' Phillips purred and gestured to another chair.
It was the President's chair but Rassilon merely stared back at him.
'No, what you have done is worse. Our nightmare now live in flesh, they are hungry for us all!' Rassilon announced grimly.
'Do not talk in riddles old man, I grow weary from your continual mutters? What great nightmare?' Phillips retorted in snobby manner.
'The darkness will consume us all, they, your work has brought them into being and now they want us to be their feast!' Rassilon roared, his eyes staring wildly.
'Go away thou foulest thing!' Phillips replied and as he smirked there came a loud groaning from above.
Looking upward he could see a vast ship descending towards the surface and he grinned exaltedly.
'Do you see? This is the future and right on time too!' Phillips replied but Rassilon merely dispersed back into the past.
Phillips rose from his table and walked away from the table leaving the tea smoking as the ship finally 'landed'.
He crossed the once elegant courtyard as the ramp descended and the inhabitants arrived into the light.
'Welcome to this humble world, I have been expecting you' Phillips replied.

Rassilon stood in the once majestic Panoptican; the grand library stood in desolation.
How could he, Lord of the Time Lords let this evil go on, Phillips was a Vrellan, his actions were misguided. He had been wronged by Rassilon's children and now he taking his vengeance.
Rassilon however knew that something else was in danger: Existence. The It had returned, the nightmare that could not be quelled was here.
He was a ghost, animated by the power of the Eye, of legend and belief. He could not touch anything real but he knew of every Time Lord, he knew that many had left Gallifrey in search of other things.
Would they help him now? To restore order, the balance? Would they give up their lives, to stop this evil?
He shook, as he felt something, a thousand million souls crying out agony and then silence!
He faded away and re-materialised in a vast metallic ruin. He knew this place well: Skaro.
The Nightmare had devoured the Daleks, now the balance was off. He remembered the Doctor; he could feel his torment, arguing with a Dalek?
Rassilon now faded, he became one with the Matrix. He knew what he had to do. Focussing his mind, it passed through every TARDIS in existence.
'Time Lords, I Rassilon have need of you. A catastrophe dares to consume us all. The Balance of life has shifted. The Nightmare is here, we must return to the soil that sprang from, we must repair the damage or else we shall perish!' he said aloud.
He sent images of Gallifrey in burning ruins, of Skaro in its death roes. He was sure that he was doing the right thing.
'Rassilon!' howled a voice, it cut through the weak man and turning through the golden hue he could see a faint ghost like figure closing towards him.
'Do you remember us great Rassilon? You still fear us?' rasped the ghost.
Rassilon stood his ground; he was open to attack as the Index advanced.
'I do fear you but fear is not my master Index. You are nothing! You shall not harm us!' Rassilon retorted calmly.
The Index grinned as it extended many dark hands, the screams of Daleks echoing within.
'Then you will feed us well!' it rasped and advanced on him.

Artrem sat in the large armchair reading a vast encyclopaedia of the Worlds of Neblos.
It was quiet and quite tranquil in his TARDIS and at last he had found a plus side to his new condition. He could at last enjoy the many books in his library. Although they were borrowed from his father's library he had found some many interesting reads.
Many books left in a disorganised pile beside his chair.
'Artrem?' called a girl. Looking up, he saw that it was his friend. A young women by the name of Nicole.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'Just reading, just relaxing as much as I can' Artrem rasped.
'Artrem!' Nicole called and Artrem looked up from his reading.
'Yes, what is it Nicole?' he asked and Nicole sighed. 'What do you think my new clothes?' she asked and as he looked at her, his face although fixed eyed her form, the orange shirt, the blue skirt and black top but all Artrem saw a selection of greys.
Best lie, he thought.
'Very nice Nicole, it suits you?' he said. 'You really think so?' she asked looking down at herself.
Suddenly there came a deep groaning and in one fluid movement Artrem dropped the book and hurried to the console.
'What is that noise?' Nicole asked.
'The Cloister bell, something is very wrong' Artrem replied and as he adjusted the various controls a voice broke out:
'Time Lords, I Rassilon have need of you. A catastrophe dares to consume us all. The balance of life has shifted. The Nightmare is here, we must return to the soil that we sprang from, we must repair the damage or else we shall perish!'
'What was all that about?' Nicole asked but Artrem was rapidly altering controls.
'Trouble, Nicole. Serious trouble, I have to return home and fear it not a good time?' he replied as he worked and slowly the Time Rotor started to move.
'Does that mean we're heading into danger?' she asked.
'Yes, I'm very much afraid we are and the most serious danger of them all!' Artrem rasped grimly.

Whack! The hammer hit the pedestal hard and quickly Phillips pointed to the large glowing jellyfish taking up three chairs.
'Sold to Quesselian ambassador for seven thousand Ophidian credits!' he announced and smiled at the various other aliens grumbling and brooding.
'Do not panic, we have many more interesting artefacts for sale' Phillips replied and gestured to a gleaming apparatus wheeled on by twin hovering robots.
'One of the great Looms of Gallifrey! Build an army, or better still grow another body for yourself. Live forever! What will be the first bid?' Phillips asked to the vast crowd.
Gallifrey was invaded, huge ships hung in orbit over the ruin, over a hundred representatives were here.
Just then a slimy green tendril poked up.
'Ah, at last? One hundred credits?' Phillips hazarded but was interrupted by a guttural belch.
'Excuse me but you claimed that Time Lords were dead?' the creature asked.
'Indeed I did, what is your problem?' he asked politely but the creature stood up and pointed over everyone's shoulder and gestured to beyond.
'Then who are they?' it roared and as other creatures, beings, cyborgs and robots turned they could see a vast arrival of many strange looking objects appearing from out of no where.
'I see? You two take over, do not concern yourselves I your host shall look into it?' Phillips replied and left the podium.
He crossed around the outside of the group, weaving this way and that as the two robots continued with the auction.
As Phillips approached the group he spied what looked like a Cyberman amongst them? He hadn't told them? Pathetic parasites! He thought as he crossed the empty courtyard before the group.
'Greetings good people, can I help you?' he asked in a fake ignorance.
However as the group talked amongst themselves a tall oriental dressed man in billowing robes approached him.
'I am Taseth, leader of the house Gorb and what are you doing on our world?' Taseth demanded.
'Your world? Oh, you're Gallifreyans I had presumed that you were all gone?' Phillips said quickly.
'We were summoned here by Great Rassilon and now we see the damage wrought, are you its cause?' retorted a blonde haired woman wearing an expensive looking blue catsuit.
Phillips eyed the group suspiciously, there were TARDISes still appearing. They were renegades!

'Me? I am but a humble auctioneer, this auction was prepare by an anonymous employer, as for your world blame the Daleks, they did all this Miss?' Phillips replied looking very innocent.
'I am Katyen of the House of Ackdor, my father ruled as President. We are here to take back our world, leave now or suffer our wrath!' she breathed.
Phillips felt less intimidated and more amused if anything?
'Wrath? What power do you possess? You abandoned your world and the Daleks took it! You forfeit rights!' Phillips snapped.
'You speak as though you had a part in it? Dou you lie to the Time lords?' Taseth asked but Phillips smirked.
'Time Lords? They're dead and you are nothing but a pointless rabble!' Phillips snapped much to the shock of the Gallifreyans present.
Just the Artrem stepped boldly forward.
'What are you then? Human or other?' he asked and Phillips eyed the impassive figure.
'I suppose that you are a Time Lord too? It takes all sorts as for anything I am a Vrellan and your place is surplus to requirements' Phillips replied but Artrem simply grasped Phillips steadily.
'You will leave this world, you leave it now!' Artrem ordered but Phillips wasn't swayed.
'I do not fear you creatures or your great power, self-opinionated fools just like Rassilon. I initiated the chain of events that culminated in this: Gallifrey is dead and the Daleks are the masters of time!' Phillips replied proudly pulling free from the augmented grip.
'The Daleks are dead!' Katyen announced and this cast a look of bewilderment across Phillips' face.
'What?' he asked.
'The Daleks have been destroyed completely and if memory serves, the Vrellan died out centuries ago' Artrem replied but this provoked horrible reactions as Phillips launched a frenzied attack.
'They are not dead, they will never die!' Phillips yelled and plucked his disrupter ready!
Taseth knocked the gun aside and as it hit the ground, it triggered ageing a pillar to ashes, a vast structure collapsed causing uproar as the whole area plunged into a battle zone!

As the area became one vast shooting gallery, Time Lords all ran to seek shelter while Phillips made a dash towards a solid building.
The alien creatures assembled retaliated with more and more blasts from many different weapons.
'Stop!' someone suddenly yelled. Turning each of the beings could see a man standing at the side, his shoulder length hair blowing in the wind.
'What do you think you are doing?' he asked aloud, when no one answered he stepped boldly in the centre and looked from side to side.
'This is Gallifrey, home of the Time Lords and what are you doing? Fighting! Why?' the Doctor snapped.
'They reacted at his weapon discharge' Artrem replied and the man gave the creature a suspicious look.
'Now listen to me, I am the Doctor, former President of Gallifrey and I decree that this world remain property of the Time Lords but while we fight we endanger ourselves!' the Doctor announced.
'How so Doctor?' Taseth asked from behind a broken pillar.
'Rassilon's Nightmare has come! The Shadow Index has returned!' the Doctor explained grimly and immediately there was uproar as various Time Lords started to mutter anxiously.
'I thus decree that we stop fighting and attempt to re-build Gallifrey now! This world will become a shelter for survivors of the attacks, please come forward?' the Doctor replied and as the Time Lords and aliens watched, the Red Dalek glided forward.
'A Dalek! Here on Gallifrey?' Taseth muttered and Katyen and quite a few frowned as it trundled along.
'This Dalek is the last of its kind, the Index has destroyed its race. Unless we make a stand here then we shall all be destroyed!' the Doctor replied.
Then there came a mocking laugh, looking around them Phillips appeared, gun in hand.
'What utter rot, you speak Doctor!' he hissed smugly.
'Oh, look who it is? I wondered if I might see you again- Phillips?' the Doctor muttered.
'Where is your proof of this? Rassilon has been spouting similar nonsense to me yet I fail to see anything concrete?' Phillips replied and smiled with satisfaction.

'The Doctor speaks the truth, the Shadow Index has consumed Skaro of all life' replied the Red Dalek.
'And who would argue with a Red Dalek? Or any Dalek for that matter?' Phillips replied and looked to the Doctor.
'It was he Doctor, he told us that he did this' Katyen cried. Promptly the Doctor frowned.
'Really? So you are the unknown alien that killed our people and has doomed the lives of every being in the whole of existence?' the Doctor breathed angrily.
'Is it really that serious?' Taseth asked as he approached the Doctor.
'Very. This man has doomed us all!' the Doctor nodded to Phillips, who stood there unmoved.
'You honestly believe this don't you? But why should I be afraid on ancient Gallifreyan legend?' Phillips retorted.
'Primarily because the Index exists and two it travels through the vortex without the need of a time ship. So it will catch you out Phillips!' the Doctor snapped.
Phillips shook his head slowly and raised his gun.
'Foolish man, it will never harm me!' he hissed but quickly the Red Dalek whirled round and shot at Phillips catching his hand.
Phillips cried hard as his left hand crumpled into a smoking black ruin, the disrupter faded away.
'No! There's been enough killing!' the Doctor cried as he saw it aim its gun at Phillips' crouching form.
'Very well! You are my prisoner, if you fail to obey orders then you will be exterminated!' the Red Dalek grated and Phillips simply stared at the Doctor.
'The end is not over!' he hissed and faded out of existence.
'Leave him, we have much work to do. You will stay here, you and you' the Doctor gestured to Taseth and Katyen.
'Try and organise these beings, these guests. Explain to them the situation. You, Cyberman I leave in charge, I have to check up on something' the Doctor said and walked off.

As Taseth and Katyen advanced over the rough ground past the Red Dalek, Artrem looked bewildered or felt it. What to do?
'I am Artrem, son of Ishdor. We must recover all artefacts. We must the Looms in motion once again' he stopped. He could have a new body again, to feel and experience everything!
No! He had this body now, he needed no other. He saw Nicole looking quite out of place amongst the other humans and aliens.
'You, I believe are better acquainted with this position. I must go now' Artrem replied and walked to Nicole's side while a taller, tubby looking man stepped forward.
'Are you all right Nicole?' he asked and Nicole nodded slowly. 'Just about, what is going on?' she asked.
'A great deal, do you want to go back to the TARDIS?' he asked.
'No, do you mind if you could show me your world?' Nicole asked looking to Artrem's blank visage.
He took her hand and led her off, promising to show her the many wonders of his home.
While the Doctor stood in his TARDIS gazing at the scanner, sieving history for a sign of the Index. So much was being taken, what whole worlds had been absorbed in such a small time?
Then his eyes stared at the Earth timelines; he gasped as he could see the damage wrought. He was seeing events where there should be none?
What could have happened? Then the answer hit him:
'Phillips!' he spat hard.
How could he have done it? Brought about everything? Was he so insane as not to see the damage that he was creating?
It was no good! He had to see the damage itself, if ever there was a world that looked inviting then there was Earth. As the Doctor set the co-ordinates he prayed that he would get there in time?
Out in the courtyard so much activity was occurring that no one accept the Red Dalek spied the Doctor's departure.
At last, it thought. Now it could continue its observations that would in no time make the Dalek race totally supreme!
Slowly as the Blue box faded away the Dalek started to move around, its eye focussing not just on the assembled Time Lords but also the few inferior creatures, such technology would be of some use as well...