h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After a fabulous night's sleep in my new silk bedding, I had to sit back and let the District Gnurse change my dressings again. This took all morning. At the end, though, she took out my food recycling and buzzed the neighbour about my missing parcel. They weren't in.

My Tesco shopping showed up with one item missing and one substitution, which screwed up my "Meal Deal" special offer. I 'phoned to complain, and played the "I've just got out of hospital " card, and thay gave me a £10 voucher to get another Meal Deal on them as compensation.

I made contact with the company that had "delivered" the missing package, and they're sending someone out to the neighbours to sort it out.

Other than all that, I bought a new 3D modelling package and installed it on both THE PENGUINATOR and the new Vaio laptop. Then I grabbed almost every reference image available on the Web of a Zeiss "Tessar" lens design, circa 1902. That's going to be my next project - modelling an actual lens, then using it in 3D renders to add actual lens distortions and depth-of-field.

I'm posting early, so I can go and watch TV. I haven't watched anything today yet (I haven't had the time!) but I'll be watching "Chicago PD" at nine, followed by some random movie off Netflix.

Then back to the silk bedding...

I get a feeling about these "neighbours" who won't give you your parcel. I think they may be agents of the Dark One. You see, this is what you have to deal with.

Well, that wouldn't be unusual for this area. It's where the Council dumps all its most evil tenants.

Oh, and for the record, before I crashed last night I watched the "Director's Cut" of "Iron Sky".

Do you want me to pray for your parcel situation?

Couldn't hurt. But if you feel your prair responses are limited, don't waste it on this - the package is just an amusing quirk at the moment. I'm sure it'll show up eventually.

OK I'll pray over the situation and see what happens...

OK I have asked my Father to sort the situation for you, by means of his holy angels. I have asked that your neighbours take their hands away from your gift, and that it would become a curse for them in their flat, and that they would be only too eager to get it back to you ASAP.

So I prayed in detail. Now it's up to the Father.

In the Bible, the Ark of the Covenant was captured by the Philistines and held in one of their towns. God was angry with them, and smote the inhabitants of that town with cancer and piles. Once they had ascertained that the tumours and the piles were because of the Ark, they made haste to return it to Israel. I have asked my Father to do something similar in the case of your gift.

Of course they may just have gone on holiday...

In the TV Guide, the Ark of the Covenant was captured by the Nazis and held in one of their secret bases. Indiana Jones was angry with them, but he let the Ark do the smiting.

I've never seen those Indiana Jones movies. Are they any good?

Yes they are, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

They're deliberate parodies of the style of movie made at the time they're portraying - the first three are made like 1930s movies, the fourth is made like a 1950s movie. Just cranked up to 11.

Irrelevant fact. Know how I got my red hat? When the fourth movie was announced I was browsing a link selling "Franchised Merchandise 'Indestructable' Indiana Jones Hats", and I discovered that you could get the same design in red.

Kewl. My own preferred style of hat is the Blues Brothers Trilby.

I've just been out in my grey felt trilby - not my favourite, by any means. But I thought it deserved an airing.

I needed some snuff... all I had was a very old tub that has lost its 'zing'. So I went out to the Mall and got me some more. Sometimes, when you're very bored, you need a strong sniff of snuff to clear the brain spaces.