h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today my day was pretty much the same as every other day of my life.
I woke up at 11:26 am or so... and when i woke up, i decided to make
a rash decision and stand up out of bed. After achieving this i walked
out of my bedroom, down the stairs, to me parents room. I did some
usuall and expected ritual that is pointless of saying "hello" to my
parents and then dissapeared up stairs like always. I first however, ate
a small breakfest. (my idea of small being the same amount an elephant
might eat after not eating for a week.) Anyways, next, i managed to slither
up the stairs, turn on the t.v. and then get on the computer. Of course.
I continued to practice this ritual all day and night long and then a few
centuries later,i am found by a mechanical pet wolvarien, who carries my bones
to his master who puts me in a museum after noticing my bone that was once a
finger is permanently attached to the "Panic" button on my degraded keyboard.
Thats would be the perfect ending to my life. Of course they always say one
persons misfortune is another persons treasure. In this case my dying at this
PC making a man rich after putting my bones in a glass box in a big building.