h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Runs off with streaming down*

And Joe would have no idea who Shane Crawford is either...

I would have no idea who he is if the song didn't mention it.

Who is this... Crawford?

He's the captain of some football team... I think.

A Captain of an Aussie Rules Football team called Hawthorn, based in Melbourne. In All States and Territories bar two, this is the dominant football code. The other two states provide the members of Australias Rugby Union side and Rugby league side. Just imagine if we all played Union or even Soccer!!..Brrr..scary. Australias one national sport...? Its cricket of course hence the dominance I guess. Shane Warne is now a permanent resident of Britain, one hopes he keeps his rooting to the odd Mobile phone(Cell phone)call.

*blinks* Yes.

Ha Ha..He's all yours now!

Fair enough........

Actually its a good topic heading ..What everyone else thinks of Australia. Down here I don't think anyone actually cares what anyone else thinks of us. If you didn't make great comedy tv and cannon fodder for our sportsman, bar the great Rugby World Cup side(Martin Johnson,easily the best player you guys have had in yonks)I dont think Britain would register on the collective conscious. You Brits are probably the same too in relation to us? I have no idea about that really....Still you are responsible for us being here, so that can only be a good thing..cheers

Right now I don't know what to think, except I don't like fottball or rugby very much, nasty sports.

<quote>"

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you sned me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

"

As promised

well done Joe. Deserves a beer for effort...(ok 1 more then)
"It must be romantic watching the Sun set as you sit on the beach at Bondi in Sydney watching the waves slosh on shore.(Actual conversation with a British friends wife) Err...yeah..ummm of course it is!. Its a big place and I guess if you wait long enough you might see the sun set in the East

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