h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, all this talk of favorite beers from Europeans has made me quite jealous. My favorite local bar (or "pub", whatever) has a pretty good "London Porter" on tap, but other than Guinness and the Pauleiner Hefe-Weizen (or however it's spelled) there's not much else that's good on tap. Mostly there's the standard cheap American brews: Natural Lite, Miller Lite, Budweiser Lite, etc. but who in their right mind would go out to drink those beverages, which are hardly different when they leave your body. To my dismay, the college crowd seems to love that pisswater.

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is a pretty good on-tap choice around here, but I commonly order Red Hook Extra Special Bitter (ESB). It seems like a lot of people 'round here don't like bitter beer, which is a real shame. What the hell is the matter with Americans? I'm an American, I don't like Anheiser-Busch-atypical beers, but I can't seem to understand why so many people do!

I am disappointed that there isn't a lite beer called "Miller Low-Life".

Exactly what I wanted to say Americans and beer? what's this, they don't fit together, beer was meant for English larger louts, like...erm....me, you need to drink beer in a PINT glass, not a flagon, or a whatever you use, a bucket or something, because you like everything bigger and better than anyone else, not that I don't lie Americans, I have many American friends, It just a few of them that really get up my nose, and Americans have no idea about types of beer!! When I went two years ago, most of the Bars (when it should be PUB) only had a few types of beer! Being Americans you should have a least fifty thousand different types!!

I heard that there was a big scare about nitrosomines in beer causing cancer. But the Americans had developed a filter to remove every last trace. It's called a HORSE.

Actually, at the bars/pubs I frequent, they do serve it up in pints. However, some places have glasses that are slightly less than a pint, about 12 oz. Pitchers usually have about 3 pints in 'em.

Yes, Americans usually don't have a clue about different types of beer. To them, there's only "beer", "good beer", and "microbrews". A typical conversation goes like this:
"Do you mind Pabst Blue Ribbon?"
-"It's beer, isn't it?"
"We also have 'good' beer: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale."
-"[shrug]"

I'm an American and I like Guinness as much as I like Miller Lite. They are both tasty and serve very different purposes. If you're skipping a meal or want a deep thumping sort of hangover, you pull a few pints of Guinness. If, however, you are spending time in the hot sun or don't feel like coughing up your week's salary for a few drinks, you down a pitcher or two of Miller Lite (you still get a hangover, but it's a sharp piercing one). Guinness refreshes you in the way that a large cheeseburger refreshes you. Miller Lite refreshes you like a...well...a bubbly alcoholic glass of water would refresh you.

If someone out there in America wants to send me some good beer i.e.Sierra Nevada Pale Ale then I'll send them some good old scrumpy which tends to get you drunk from the feet up!

Always a problem getting drunk from the feet up. You try and walk home but your feet are sure they should be sleeping in the gutter surrounded by diced carrot.

A simple point:
Why is American beer like sex in a canoe?
Their both f**cking close to water.

I rest my case

American beer. Oxymoron. Budweiser even tried to sue the czech makers of the original Bud some 400 years after they started brewing it. Usually served ice cold to numb the taste receptors in the mouth. To paraphrase the Python sketch, drinking american beer is like making love in a canoe, f***ing close to water.

Isn't US Budweiser made of frog piss?
Get the real Bud from Ceska Rep. and you wont want that copy cat stuff!

AG

Do you know of any of the English breweries that Americans would like to visit? I'm doing a bit of freelance for a travel company who have come up with the idea of an Ale and Heritage tour, sort of visiting old towns and the breweries aswell, the problem is I don't have a clue what sort of beers Americans like.

Visit Theakstons brewery in Yorkshire, yum yum.
Try CAMRA - the campaign for real ale - they must have a web site and can steer you to the right addresses.

AG

'Ere, oo 're you ta be complainin', matey?
Signed, the beer factory owner.

Americans like piss weak beer. Beer with no taste and minimum alcohol. They scull it just like we do in Australia and they seem to get drunk, although this is a mystery to me. I have been in America for 2 months and have consumed carton after carton of beer with no visible effect, yet!

allright
i knew this would come up sooner or later (now that i am watching the forums that is) YES, we admit that most of the larger American beers are pure piss, and i wouldnt drink one unless i was already mostly pissed and couldnt tell what the bottle/can said. BUT, we do make some rather good beers as well, you just have to hunt for them. there are a lot of microbrews that do a decently good to great job of making high quality dark beer (most good beer is dark, uh oh, i may have started another thread). i had a monks hood imperial stout in Breckenridge, colorado, that was one of, if not THE, best beer i have ever had. and i have tasted the Guinness at St. James Gate (which is still i think a bit better).
my point?? well, i forgot, and the fact that it is time for the Simpsons where i live (a great tribute to beer, except i dont really ever want to taste a Duff), means it is time for me to go
ah, i remember now. before i leave for 30 min, i must say that my staple now that i am back in the States (spent 6 mo in England, btw, you make some shit beer too, dont make me start naming names, or remind you that Bud is an import there, and i have seen the kids pay more for a bottle of it than a pint of Guinness), anyway, my staple is Shiner Bock, a not too expensive, nice bock beer brewed in Shiner, Texas, which is near where i live, Austin, TX
there i feel better. now if i could find a place that has Caffreys and a nice cider on tap, i would be happy. the pub i go to (yes, i meant pub, thats what it is) only has a few good beers on tap, like Guinness, Boddingtons, and Bass to name a few

kalu
(for pronunciation, visit my page which i need badly to work on, but they dont like it when i do that at work)
for all you americans, happy 4th, lets drink some good beer and remember why we are celebrating it (you brits can remember too)

July 4?
Ah yes, that was when the scurvy ingrates kicked their benificent overlords out!

AG

King of the Hill - where is Arlen TX? It is on no map I posess!

AG

I just thought I should mention that being the chick who accused American Beer of being weak as piss, I'm not British actually, I'm Australian. I accept that you Texans aren't hugely aware of anything outside of Texas, but then I'm told people from Austin are slightly more advanced than the rest of the rednecks here.

I also acknowledge that you guys have beer that doesn't suck as much as Bud Lite, but trust me compared to a nice Coopers Ale (from South Australia where I originated) all your beers are pretty crap.

I hope all you Americans enjoy your 4th of July, celebrating your "independence"with German Beer and Chinese fireworks. And I think you Brits should celebrate the 4th as well, I mean did you really want a continued association with those ingrates?

wow first off, i thought it was apparent that i have had beer outside of the US, that is taken my time in Europe (esp in the UK and Ireland), and tasted the best there i do agree that all of the big American brews are quite terrible, but like i said before, our microbrews are where we excel and i thank you for acknowledging austin as more advanced than the rest of Texas (god knows that there are WAY too many rednecks in this state)
however, i doubt your Cooper's Ale could stand up next to the Imperial Stout that i mentioned in my last post, which is an American beer but this is a pointless arguement, b/c i am not coming to australia to taste your beer, nor are you going to journey to colorado to try mine what part of the US are you in, b/c a lot of people (especially students) dont understand about good beer, and you have to find a more sophisticated bunch that understand beer to drinking with
and i would also like to say that i am rather impressed with your ability to drink carton after carton of beer, which i have been known to do on occassion
yes, we Americans are quite hypocritical when it comes to certain things, like our independence, but who cares? it is a day to cook outdoors, drink a lot, and have fun with friends whats wrong with that?
as for the brits, you are right again, they should be happy that we left otherwise they might have a governmental system that makes a little more sense (although would still be wrought with corruption), and not have the MONARCHY still (dont even TRY to tell me that it still serves a purpose)

kalu

sorry, i need to quit posting such long rants, i just get caught up in the mood