h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Beer. This may be the single most popular drink in America, while also being the reason for countless deaths (by auto accident, homicide, and dehidration) several failed marriages, a large number of parentless children, and the bad, vomit-taste in the oral area, among other things that space will not allow me to discuss. Some of the readers may ponder why this drink is so favored among drinkers. Beer, in all honesty, tastes disgusting. This taste is excused with the clique "it's an AQUIRED TASTE," meaning that the individual must drink emense amounts of the drink to actually begin to appreciate it. I have heard it said that beer, after drinking it in long expanses if time, begins to taste better. This excuse can be dismissed, because of the fact that the more beer you drink, the less in touch with reality you really are.
The truth is that beer has become a sort of "crutch" to many individuals. A weak individual (after a long and stressful day, a fight with "the significant other", or some other mild trauma,) will often go down to the bar where beer is served, and begin to drink. This is followed by more and more drinks of the foul liquid, until the customer is completely drunk, or 'smashed' as they lovingly refer to it as. This is followed by repeated trips to the toilet, so as to vomit. The consumer often loses touch with reality completely. They will awake the following morning (because most drinking occurs at night) with a splitting headache, or 'hangover' as it has come to be called. This is not helped by the fact that they are in a strangers bed, next to an unknown, and many times, unattractive other. They are forced then to get up and go about the day, despite the headache, the unidentified lover, the bad taste is the oral area, and the lack of pants (the consumer does not even remember what happened to them.) The consumer will likely go out again the following night, and repeat the activities. Why? Because this is what we call fun.

As a Canadian I always seem to find myself defending the mid-Atlantic point of view. In this case however I can only recomend you try some real beer. Even if it is the pasturized, aluminum canned, shipped the long way version of real, live beer- give it a try. Beer is at it's best a living thing, with active yeast producing the gentle 'fizz' and head of a craft-brewed product. It shouldn't be forced through pipes by bottled CO2 from an icy metal keg into a frozen glass. Real beer is not Budweiser (although the name comes from a real beer- the beer of Budd, Germany famed for it's water (weiser). Even a lager which was the standard and most popular beer in Canada until a few decades ago is not what I would use to describe US beer. That taste for this beer is indeed 'aquired' because of the need to overcome the gag reflex. US beer is watery, with not enough alcohol or hop flavour to qualify as a lager. It always seems to have an aftertaste, even when from a glass bottle. These are generalizations of course, just like saying that Canadian beer is better (we have more than our share of disasters, most of which we seem to export, like Labatts). Beer from anywhere should be real, live draft that is hand pumped at a cool (cellar) temperature (not room temperature as so many Americans seem to think British or Canadian craft beer is). The alcohol content can range from 4% to 7% or in some bizarre examples 10% and higher. You can tell with your first pint how strong it is and can drink accordingly. Blaming your subsequent condition on the beer is like blaming a car for drunken driving. I fully believe that the best beer for taste is British, the best for partying is German, the best for a hot climate is Australian, the best for nutrition is Irish (seriously!), and the best for watching sports is Canadian. I further believe that the best beer for rinsing your hair (great body and shine!) comes from the USA.

Beer may be an aquired taste, it is something that some people never like (I know a few), but even heavy drinkers grew into the taste. Children generally dont like/appreciate beer and I guess that this is part of the way that your taste buds are forever changing (I only started drinking coffee this year). Beer is refreshing and a great drink. Im English and I generally drink English beer, although Irish (good ol' Guiness) and german are good too. I have drunk beer in the US although I am under-age there so shhhh and I thought that it was poor, it wasnt really beer, it was more larger tasting and even the imported stuff (Hooray for Heineken!) was served from the fridge, which is just wrong!