h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just thought i'd have a go at writing my own story again

Story so far

It was a quiet night in Sunnydale, except for the rustle of the leaves and the odd hoot from a nearby owl. Buffy was out on one of her patrols. Patrols that's usually end up with her spending her evening in a graveyard. She thought to herself ‘I’m a 21 year old girl who spends her nights in the graveyard, no wonder I cant get a date.’ She sighs.
Buffy Summers was a beautiful girl, slender with long golden locks flowing down her back and big brown eyes, that given half the chance would have an enormous effect over the opposite sex, except she never got the chance she had a destiny, a calling that kept her hidden in the dark of the shadows and that would never change.

A young couple walked passed, giggling and cuddling, They looked as if they had just finished a night of fun at the Bronze. The Bronze was Sunnydale's hottest club, well it’s only club in fact. Where all the young people spend their evenings being...well just being young. Something which Buffy had longed for so much and so often, to just be a kid would be a dream come true for her. But seven years ago she was dealt a set of cards that would change her life forever. She had been called to fight the good fight and to rid the world of evil. ‘Yay’ she thought to herself in a sarcastic tone. She was the slayer and there was nothing she could do about it except do her job, a job which wasn’t easy in the slightest and required a lot of sacrifices including her own life.

Buffy heard movement from behind a wall and spotted a light flicker, She reaches inside her black leather jacket and pulls out a wooden stake, then slowly creeps to the wall stake on the ready the vampire or creature (She wasn’t sure yet) started to walk in her direction. She jumps out from behind the wall and grabs the shadowy figure by the neck and puts the stake to its heart.
Spike caught by the throat with a stake to his heart looks at Buffy angrily “Bloody hell woman, you nearly gave me a heart attack”
(She gives the tall, platinum blond vampire an odd look)
Spike realises that he had just said something strangely idiotic and backtracks “uh if it was still beating anyways”
Buffy sighs again “Spike what are you doing here?”
Spike still caught in choke of her hold spurts “Wouldn’t mind being let go now Buffy”
She lets her guard down and repeats her question “So what are you doing here?”
Spike looks at Buffy in disbelief and replies sarcastically “I’m a vampire, this is a graveyard” he points to a nearby crypt “and not to mention the fact that I live here, where else would I be?”

Buffy ignores his sarcasm and walks off. Spike frowns and runs after her “What, not even a sorry?” he asks
“what for?” she replies
“For nearly staking me!” he said angrily.
She ignores him again and returns to her patrol.

Spike was a vampire that had once tried to kill Buffy time and time again, until a government agency called the Initiative put a chip in his head which prevented him from hurting humans. Since then he has been helping Buffy and her scooby gang in the fight against demons. Even though he was trying to do good, Buffy still despised him especially since he declared his love for her. He was still a vampire and he was still evil, the only thing keeping him good was that chip in his head and she could never love someone like that. With her former lover Angel it was different, yes he was a vampire but he had a soul and a conscience, he knew what real love was.

Spike caught up with Buffy “You don't even care do you, you could have just ended me, big pile of dust on the floor and it would have been another day in the park for you, wouldn’t it?”
She doesn’t answer just looks at him as if he’s a joke and then starts to walk off again
her lack of comment and condescending look hurt Spike a lot but he didnt show it “Well Thanks” he says and continues to follow her.

As they turn the corner Buffy spots movement from one of the graves, she places her hand on Spike’s chest indicating him to stop and stay silent for a minute. As they creep closer they see two scrawny little vampires digging up the grave, one of them had already opened the casket and was rummaging through it. As they close in on the two vamps Buffy remarks, “What you guys cant even wait for your friends to rise anymore, you have to go dig ‘em up, patience is a virtue y’know?” The vampires look up startled, and then give each other a look that indicated they were going to take her on, the two skinny looking vamps each circle in the opposite direction, the first vampire got into position to fight Buffy and the second went to his left to take on Spike. Buffy and Spike turned to face there opponents. The first vampire lunges for Buffy, she brings up her right leg and lands a kick square in the vamps face and he gets thrown down onto his back, but he wasn’t finished yet, the vampire jumped back up and headed for her again, but this time he was aware of her skills and avoided any direct slams to the head. Spike meanwhile was having a lot of fun fighting his vamp “Come on, is that all you got?” he shout as he flies in with a kick square to the chest that sent the vampire flat to the floor, not giving the vamp any time to reassemble himself Spike grabs the vamp by the throat and pins him to the floor, then reaches inside his long black leather jacket and pull out a stake. “Any last words?” Spike teases the vampire only stared back in horror as Spike brought the stake down hard and fast into the vampire heart and he disappeared to dust. Spike stood up brushed himself off and turned around. Buffy was not having an as easy time with her fight, the vampire and managed to lock her in a choke hold and was getting ready to bite, Spike dashed over to help, but the vampire saw him coming and threw Buffy towards him, as Spike caught Buffy breaking her fall the vampire made his escape.

Buffy frowned at Spike and pulled away from his hold quickly, “I had him, I didn’t need your help” She snaps and glances to the distant shadow of the escapee vampire “Look now he’s got away” She storms off”
Spike just stand there dumbfounded “Well that's what you get? Try to help someone and that's what you get. I was better off being evil at least I had some respect!” he muttered to himself then strolled off towards Willie's bar.

Buffy arrives back at the magic shop Xander and Anya are bickering about something again but she didn't take much notice as to what about”
Xander walks over “Hey Buff” he says with a big friendly smile “Buffy you being a kinda superhero and that who would you say was stronger Superman or Superwoman?”
Buffy just stared at the couple in disbelief, was that really what they were bickering about she thought to herself.
“Um dunno I’d kick both their butts” she replied with a giggle.
At that moment Giles walks in from the office, carrying a huge pile of books, which he had difficutly balancing and his glasses and fallen down to the tip of his nose because he had no free hands to place them in position again. Buffy rushed over to catch some of the books that were about to fall. “Do we have trouble coming?” she asked the tall British Watcher
He place the books on the counter, repositioned his glasses and replied in a very polite English accent “Um I, I'm not sure. I received a very strange telephone call last night from an old friend who used to be on the watcher’s council. He, he seemed very distraught and was mumbling something about an old vampire that his predassor had come across in the late 1900’s goes by the name of Maleshiah. She was said to have been killed in 1887 but my friend suspects that may not be the case”
“So it’s researchy time then?” Buffy remarks with sarcastic enthusiasm
“Oh no not the books, stick a horde of vampires on me but please Giles anything but the books” Xanders humorously mocks
Giles clearly not amused gives Xander an annoyed glance and Xander quietly goes and sits at the table.

“So why are we so worried about a silly little vampire, I mean she is just a vampire right?” Buffy asks the watcher
“No. no, no, she is not just a vampire, she is a very powerful Witch also, you must never let your guard down by thinking that Buffy, any opponent you face may have hidden skills that you are completely unaware of. This vampire is one of the most powerful witches England has ever seen!” Giles replied with a certain urgency in his voice
“England?” Buffy questioned “So she’s not here then”
“She was made in England and stayed there a great many years terrorizing and torturing as she went until her alleged death and then she was never seen again, until last week when my friend swore he saw her here in California”
“But he wasn’t around when she was, how would he know what she looked like?” The slayer questioned again
“It is said that the slayer that she had fought and killed years earlier had left a very recognizable scar across her mouth” Giles turns a few pages in his book “Here” he says as if finds a depiction of the vampires face which had an enormous jagged scar going from the top right hand corner of her face right across her mouth down to the left hand corner of her chin.
“ewwww” Buffy replied upon seeing the image
“Wow that must have been some knife that slayer had” Xander remarked upon seeing the size of the vampires wound.

“So how is it the slayer never survived” Xander asked quite confused
“Like I said this particular vampire is a very powerful witch. It was rumored that she had a book, a grimoire which contained the most evil and ferocious black magic spells in the world. It was called The Liberium Omnigenus Letum which roughly translates as The Book Of Death and Annihilation. The book was said to have disappeared when she did, if that book is in fact real and still in existence we must be prepared!” Giles explained sounding very worried.

Spike was sat at the bar in Willie’s place and ordered himself a beer. Willie passes him the beer and asks “You all right their Spike? You look like you’ve been to hell and back.”
“Women!!” Spike cursed
“Ahhh I see” Willie exclaimed
“She thinks I’m nothing! She treats me like dirt” Spike whined
“Are we talking about a certain slayer here” Willie inquired
“Yeah that would be the one, doesn't matter how hard I try she just...arrrr forget it” He replied with a discontented expression and swigged down his bottle of bear. “Hit me again Willie, this time make it something a little stronger.

Whilst Spike was drowning his sorrows a vamp walked in and sat down with a few of his mates. Willie’s place was a rather unsavory bar that catered for all manner of demons and creatures that the hellmouth drew to Sunnydale, so the vampire went unnoticed. That was until he started bragging all around the bar that he almost killed the slayer that very night. Spike lifted his head from the glass he was peering into to listen a bit more intently and looked around. Yep that was him he thought to himself the one that got away. Spike was about to get up and give him a whooping when he started talking about a new Vampire in town, so Spike continued to listen.
“I’m telling you guys once she’s through with her this town will be a slayer-free demon party town” the vampire exclaimed and started laughing along with all of his vampire and demon buddies.
Spike picked up his cigarettes, placed them in his coat and quietly step out of the bar without being noticed. Outside the bar he moved back into the shadows against the wall, took out a cigarette and lit it, then stood there waiting.

Back at the magic shop The gang were still looking through the massive piles of books that Giles had brought out.
“I swear my eyes are going to pop out of my head soon” Anya winged “
“I’m with ya there, except I think my brain’s going to explode too” Xander added
“Were not getting any where here Giles” Buffy told her watcher “Its like she never existed, are you sure you're friend is not. y’know... insane, because well really dead undead vampires, not to many of them walking about these days unless they’ve figured out a way to hold all the dust together in a fleshy mould or something” she added sarcastically.

Giles again not amused by the sarcasim replies "Yes I see there are not too many entries on this particular vampire, but my firend is not insane. I would trust that man with my life, if he says he saw her then we must take that at face value and continue researching otherwise we may not be ready if she strikes. "

The bell on the door at the magic shop let of a jingle as the door opened and through it walked Willow and Tara. "Hey guys, whatcha doin'" Willow said in a overlly chirpy tone"
"Will, Tar just the women we need at a time like this!" Xander remarked with a note of optimism, upon seeing his wicca friend and her girlfriend.

Willow and Tara are white witches who use there power to help Buffy in some of her more dangerous battles, seperatley they are just ordinary witches but together their power entwined to display the most powerful witchcraft you could ever imagine.

Willow and Tara looked up at Xander. Willow looking confused and intreiged asks "Us?" Then looks at Tara, Tara is standing there shyly holing a book tightly in her arms and gives Willow a small timid shrug
"Yes Girls come and sit down please" Giles replied "We will most definatley be needing your help with this case. Maybe you can shed some light, where we have failed"

Spike is still waiting outside of Willies place and on his forth ciggerette when the vampire he was waiting for walked out, Spike plucks the ciggerette from his mouth, drops it on the floor and steps on it. "Well hello, looky what we have here then" he remarks. The vampire takes one look at him and darts for it, but Spike is too fast and catches him by the scruff of his neck.
"Heard you and your little pals having a good old chin-wag in there" Spike said to the scrawy, dirty looking vampire. "Just talk, thats all it was, believe me, nothing interesting being talked about there" The scrawny vampire replied nervously.
"Come on you can tell me, I'd like to know who the new big bad in town is" Spike asked trying to sound as friendly as possible whilst putting his arm round the vampire and patting him on the shoulder.
"What talk to a vamp who's in league with the slayer, you must be joking" The vampire remarked as he tried to escape Spike's clutches but Spike only tightened his grip. "Right, hard way then!" Spike exclaimed. Then he smashed the vampire up against the wall and placed his lower arm across his neck using all of his body weight to hold him in place and cause extrusiating agony. "Now tell me what you know or Ill crush your neck and pull your bloody head off!"

The vampire just looks at him and smirks.
Spike sqeezes harder on his neck. "I wasn't joking mate" he says with a smirk
The vampire tries to say something but he cant speak, so Spike loosens his hold slightly.
"Ok Ok" The vampire spirts and coughs. Her name is Maleshiah, she's old, very old"
"A vampire?" Spike questioned
"A very powerful vampire, you shouldn't cross her" The vampire replied with fear in his voice"
"So what makes this vampire so scary then" Spike mocked
"She has a book, a book of black arts that can do anything to anyone." the vampire said sounding like the narator of a horror movie.
"If that's true, and she's so powerful why hasn't she destroyed the world already" Spike asked with a smirk on his face, not believing a word the vampire was telling him.
"That I can't tell you. I'd rather be staked by you than have her kill me in the most horrible and gruesome way imaginable"
"What makes you so sure, I'm not gonna do the......." Before Spike could even finish his sentance, the vampire grabbed the stake from Spike's coat pocket and staked himself.
Spike fell against the wall as the vampire turned to dust and fell to the flooor. Straightening himself up and sweeping himself off "What the.....???" were the only words Spike could manage to muster in his amazment.

A tall thin, vampire with jet black hair that trailed right past her bottom, snapped at another short, chubby vampire with glasses "Where is that fimbling idiot?"
"I,I,I dont know my queen, shall I go look for him" The short, vampire replied nervously.
"No! No! I need you here. Now that I have my part of my book back from that wrechid earth creten that stole it from me, I need you to help me decipher this curse" She shouted
"Yes madam, but how are we to do that when only half of it is here" The short, chubby vampire enquired timidly in fear of upsetting his Queen
"Thats what that fimbling idiot was meant to be doing, finding the other half of my book!" she wailed in anger swiping her arms across a table and sending its contents flying across the candlelit cave."Im draining! Go and find me some food then and if you see that little twirp on your travells, remind him of what we are here to do"
"Yes my queen" the short vampire relies and scuttles off through a small opening in the cave.