h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Day 1 - Friday Night - End of term bash
Bloody excellent night! THE best night in history, Why? because it was ordinary and quiet... sad I know but there was nothing crazy happening (see below for a contradiction) and no one stressing about things (my BF done this, I've got no money, blah blah blah).
Anyway 5th Avenue is now my prefered establishment of choice; if only because it plays such amazing music - Pulp's Common People is now the song of the weekend. If I dont hear it whilst in Manchester then its usually been a tripe night.
Also had two crazy girls come upto me.
Girl 1, walks upto me like shes literally about to rip my clothes off and do unspeakable acts (hoi hoi thinks I). She then puts her hand to my temple and runs her fingers through my non existant hair. Turns out she likes bald fellas (as the complete bald man soon found out)
Girl 2 bumps into me in the middle of some excellent song whose name is now annoying me. She mumbles, I dont hear, she mumbles again (read that times four). Now heres me thinking how amazing she looks and Im looking like a pillock (no smurf suit). Anyway I finally get what she says and I miss interprate it. Surffice to say Im now kicking myself because I would like her to have put her... nah family site lets leave it there.

Day 2 - Saturday night - the calm before the storm
Gets up at 2pm, was awake by 3pm, dad picked me up at 4pm. Rushed like a pillock (still no smurf suit). Had to baby sit the daemon child - abbie my 6/7 year old sis. Luckily my cousin in law brought round Halo and fun was had, although he beat me on the first round if you go on the over all score of the two slayer matches I won by 1! Victory!
I blame my poor showing on a cack controller, differing set up (Look sensitivity was off! pfft!), and not having played halo since september.
Abby was quickly kicked off to bed as I spent the night scanning in models to send off to the great ebay in the sky.

Day 3 - Sunday morning - judgement day
Aforementioned sisters birthday party. 40 screaming kids.
You can imagine my mental state by then cant you? Ive hardly slept, the grogynessity factor from the day before lingers on, im hungry, my new jumper clearly doesnt fit although I had nothing else to wear, im still hungry, ebay remove one of my auctions, Gina texts me to tell me of how unimpressed she was at me not texting her (d'oh, stupid mark). So not good really..
The it happened.
As the party gets into full swing, and I find a spot next to the bar to get drunk at, caroline shouts me over
'Come on mark, come watch the kids with these drinks'.

What then follows is a cross between appoclapyses Nowses and Braveheart...

Magician shouts to children 'foods ready, off you go'

The highlanders/kids savagely charge toward the grub

Caroline, kevlar helmet and all, screams 'Quick get them in a line john!' (my dad) - as the thudding of a chopper/music booms overhead

John, Mighty English noble, laughs and shrugs - quickly flees the battlefeild.

Caroline, now in full war mode although clearly outgunned/flanked screams 'Get what you want, save youselves' (that second bit may be made up slightly....)

Then they spy me and in a wave of stinking children drinks fly around like a grenade has hit - utter utter chaos


So after the battlefeild was cleared (after my fourth pint of the black stuff) my dad - having returned from the bar he was propping up - declares a quick drink in the pub bit. Here ensures a 4 hour session which saw many stories about gays (including the one about the guy who stuck up for his mate when he got slapped, only to realise the guy doing the slapping was his boyfriend...) and eye spy. Staggering out of the pub, dad provides a taxi home.


And the moral of the story is this..
If you can get some action grab it and dont let it go, because very soon your going to get the full brunt of others getting what you missed out on, and by Crom I wish that on no one