h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

speak goddamn you, SPEAK

What would you have me say billy dear?

anything. i'm all alone.

How be life in the afternoon?
Adrienne just asked me if I could design her a database seeing as I did that in college. I had to say ..... eh ..... no.
My brain don't be workin too good these days.

im workin away-everything's A OK in bills world. Brian Kerr said that the recent moves of kevin kilbane and colin healy will be good for both the players and ireland. i second that emotion brian.

theres not much craic in the office today. i might have to venture over to the water cooler now and rattle a few cages, get things goin.
ill say somethin like 'david beckham is a no-talent nobody' thats sure to get the juices flowin...ahhh....juice.

a friend of mine's just back from south america after 3 months and said that when he was there, in night clubs, boppin like a good thing, all the girtles(girls) chat the lads up!you dont have to do any work!! and he cant even speak spanish/portugese!! i've been kinda thinkin bout that for the last couple o days. he's fuppin bald for fup sake.

So you're gonna fly aaaaaaaaaaall the way to South America just cause you're a fuppin lazy backstard?
you know I think it'd be less effort to just chat the girls in Ireland up. You can't be THAT bad. Go on give me your best line. I promise to laugh hysterically.

its no reflection on my chat up attempts i normally dont need to anyway-its just the hassle of having to do it. thats the dream-they do it for you.

hows about-ill only stick it in a small bit or are you ridin??(worked for my mate bout a month ago though all he got was a kiss)

or if your on holiday and your tryin to chat someone up through postcards you could try saying-' weather's here wish you were nice'

if you were in south america, what would your lines beeee.

Oh my dear lord what a thing to be sayin to a lady!! Sure all you'd pick up with those lines are slutfaces ...... oh no wait is that the point?
Inanyway methinks you'd better packin your bags and buyin your ticket lest you never get yourself a girtle again.
Hmmmm I haven't really had too much occasion to use a line myself but I remember "F**K ME, BEAUTIFUL" went down pretty well when me and san ended up on the stage as lesbians ..... well it got us through to the next round but we were disqualified when we refused to act out sexual positions ...... that was a strange night ....

sounds strange.......eh..you were a bit sketchy on the detail there eh.............................................................................................................................................................................................

lesbians???tell me

What is it with men and lesbians? What if I told you San was a twenty-five stone, three-armed dwarf with a mustache? (Which she's not by the way, San if you're readin this, you're a sexy beast)
Inanyway it's not a very interesting story and I can't be arsed makin up something for your amusement. So there.

inanyway, do you come here often.(actually said that by accident one night. boy, was there egg on my face)
what?does san read these conversations and not contribute?????i hate san

Oh i'd be careful with what you're sayin or she'll crush you with her powerful dwarf arms. Nah I don't think she reads this shite , god (the pervert hippy) knows I wouldn't if they weren't addressed to me.
inanyway I can honestly say I've never gotten a do you come here often. And neither have any of my friends. Or anyone I've ever heard of. I think you might be the one person who's actually said that in real life. How does it feel? Seriously though who came up with that? It's the worst line ever, it's got a simple yes/no answer, there's absolutely NO chance that she's gonna say "wow I must have you now".
Although now I think of it what line would produce that response?

all my lines!!

i didnt say it in a come-ony sort of way. there was no sleaze involved, not on my part inanyway. it just came out and there was much hysterics after it was said. so it worked to my advantage. the old sub conscious was firin on all cylinders that day.

Tht's all well and good but we're all forgettin the most important thing.
That being that I'm kinda hungered.
Will you bring me some food. Pretty please with sugar on top.

inanyway

so you want creamcrackers with sugar on top?

In a word ...... no.
But seperately they are both so good. How can this be?
I'll just have some cream crackers with cavier please.
And a side order of lobsters.

comin right up. im eating crackers now and for a little treat i have some nice rich tea bickies smothered in helly's butter. dont tell her.

I'm still waiting .......


Ted, d'you think I might die from the hunger?