h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

A man was convicted of sexual breach of the peace and placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Now whatever your feelings on pedalphilia it should be pointed that this happened in a locked room and that nobody but the convicted was involved.

Is it just me or is this case
a: A waste of the courts time
b: Devalues the sex offenders’ register
c: A serious breech of civil liberties (net time you are in a hotel what wont you be able to do because the chambermaid might walk in?)

Clearly, a bicycexual act should be a matter between consenting... things

Can we assume the bike spoke up?

I believe the bike has refused to comment.

Was it tired?

I'd imagine so

a yes


b yes


c yes

I'm sure the bike spoke all around but imagine the concerns of the pump?
Now just about here I was going to say something about the bike being barred (from that hote but I won't saddle that with you, I'm tired.

One cannot help wondering if the bicycle's bell was rang...

I'm trying to get a grip on this, but I think I'll just lever it alone..

Sorry about this, and I appreciate the serious points raised and will add my thoughts on those. But before all that I'm afraid I just can't get past one question:

How?

And the bloke referred to at the bottom of the article had presumably misinterpreted the instructions on how to lay paving slabs.

I think we should Raleigh around this poor abused bike. Incidentally, I notice it was a boys bike, so a homocycle act was probably ocurring. Freewheeling behaviour such as this is perfectly normal.

Seriously, this is a bloody disgrace. This man's life has been possibly ruined by being placed on the Sex Offender's list. If he receives a prison sentence, he will automatically be put in with the nonces. Since when has an act of onanism been illegal behind locked doors in the privacy of your own room? I wonder if he has a case for sueing the hotel for breaching his human rights?

Meanwhile:

http://www.ballenbak.net/index.php?bal=arg&rg=550&archief_nieuws=Man

"LONELY bachelor David Pithers was convicted yesterday of making love to a LAMP-POST."

The light of his life obviously.

I can't help but wonder if it was turned on or not, I suspect it was rather cold to him.

As usual, the online media distort and misreport a story for the sensation of it. And I'm sure if hootooers weren't having so much fun they'd be taking the telegraph story at face value

However, it looks like the reason the man was charged is because he continued masturbating once the two female cleaners had entered the room. My guess is that that is why he was convicted, and his behaviour must have been sufficiently lewd and offensive for him to have ended up on the sex offenders' register:


>>
The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.
<<

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_headline=accused---of-having-sex-with-his-bike&method=full&objectid=19347288&siteid=64736-name_page.html


The other man referred to, pavement man, was having sex in public, which is also illegal (cue SoRB to vamp up the thread with long discourses on how this man deserved everything he got ).


Get a grip people () and remember to not believe everything you read on the internet (especially when it's the telegraph) In fact, you could probably apply the rule that the shorter and more unbelievable the article the less likely it is to be true

It could have been worse, it could have been a telegraph pole...you know...











...wait for it...






Alexander Graham Bellski.

Has he been put on the Sex Offenders Register for being involved in Pedal-philia?

You're late with that pun, 3Dots. It's there in the first post.

TRiG.

So how wide-ranging is the Sex Offender's Register? Up until now, I had thought it was for paedophiles and rapists. Obviously it includes people w*anking in their rooms now. Can you be put on it for flashing your bum out a window?

What are the ramifications of being on the Register? Do you have to report your whereabouts to the police? Do you need to inform employers?

I'll just blame my parents, who gave me the name "Alfredo" and is very close to "Alfredissimo" = having sex outside


Amsterdam, Alfredo

(Outside is far more fun, I have to say)

Where have you ever had sex in the outside.

Me; many forest while walking long distances with my girlfrien.

In the train twice.

In a garden.

Of course; in cars (Alfredo's favorite)

the rest I forgot

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F134334?thread=304464