h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do you think it is right for young women to not be interested in babies? I get grossed out by the thought of pregnancy and don't feel the urge to go all gooey over babies and stroke people's tummies. Is this natural?

Your body, your choice so I think it's perfectly natural. You may get in a *nesting* phase later in life or you may not, it really doesn't matter IMO. Getting worried about what other people think is another matter, where does that come from?

Just thinking back to my last visit at the doctor's and when my mum was pregnant with my little sister.

It sounds like you have lots of time to decide or even to gradually change your mind. Or not.

Quote;

"Is this natural?"

Seems to me your experience about your lack of interest in babies is almost a moral issue.

I do have four daughters, between 24 and 31 years old.
I continue to coach them with the credo of following their own hart,
inner self, emotions and gó for it.

They sometimes feel supported by me, because they really try to follow their own heart.
All four of them have created their own dream and these differ very much from each others; policeman/modern dance/museumrestaurant/tv producer.

Once and a while they have a boyfriend, but they happened to develop their rel.ship into a real friendship with each others, besides being sisters.

None of them has ever spent a word about "babies" and I will never mention it either. Why should I.

I do hope they live their very own life without bowing for expectations from others.

Sounds natural to be honest. I have a number of friends who just aren't interested in babies. They dont like them. They don't see the big fuss about babies and all that. It's fair enough. Just because one is female does not mean that one has a desire to have a baby. It's a misconception that a lot of people have.

It's your life. Your body. You dictate what you want to do with your own life.

I personally want to have children, but not right now. It's not the right time in my life - mainly due to financial issues, the fact that I want to be able to think about me for a little while longer, and thirdly my boyfriend has yet to develop an urge to settle down and make an honest woman out of me

I've never been interested in other people's babies and/or children. The worst thing about being pregnant and having a baby was that people automatically assumed I'd be interested in theirs.

bleuch!

Mind you, until I was 32 I was _definitely_ never ever having kids. 6 months later I was desperate to get pregnant.

For the most part, attaching ideas of rightness, ought or should to your feelings is a mistake.

Still, is there a conflict here? Do you have some pressing urge to feel like you're a natural young woman?

I can't say that fitting the stereotype of "awww, its sooooo cute, ," or not has much bearing on that either way.

I've never really gotten all that fuss over babies, everyone going "ah, isn't she beautiful" and I'd be thinking, "no, she's a baby, she looks like a baby, wrinkly and grumpy". However, all that changed just short of 5 weeks ago when my brother & sister-in-law had my niece (and their daughter of course!). Suddenly it kicked in. Looking back on the photos from when she was a few hours old, she really wasn't that beautiful (wrinkly, grumpy, the usual) but I thought she was. I go there every day and just hold her and watch her for an hour, and she makes me really happy.

Mind you, it also makes me happy to give her back and head home to my dog .

Don't worry, Opti, your feelings are perfectly natural and normal. You may have a change of heart and develop the urge to procreate. Or you may not. Whichever happens is right and natural for you.

Deb

Don´t worry, I´m sure one day your biological clock will kickstart a desire to have babies.

It happens just after you stop thinking they all look like Winston Churchill.

All three of my 'bonus balls' looked like Winston Churchill

And they all were 'bonus balls' I didn't want children, now I have three (would anyone like to rather a grumpy 12 year old and a facetious 11 year old? I'll keep the four year old for a bit...)

Shouldn't worry about it. I can't stand the little blighters. As far as I'm concerned if it's between 0-18 in should be a long way from me. Preferably in a boarding school. In the Highlands.

Not to be down on previous posters, but there is a bit of a myth of 'have one and you'll love it'. Not necessarily true.

I've know people who did (and found that actually, no, they didn't find it to be the most wonderous thing in their lives) and others who did. I guess it depends on why you don;t want them.

Equally I know several couples who have taken a 'no kids' stance and are muchly happy for it. Throw some of the best parties I've been to

When I was younger, I thought that I wanted to have children, but now I am quite positive that I do not. Once my 35th birthday passes this spring, I hope to have my tubes tied and be done with it.

I also know several people who are quite happy with children and several who are quite happy and content without them. I also have a reasonable amount of experience with people who had children before thinking it through- it's no guarantee of happiness for parent or child.

Sad fact is that after reading this thread, and all that, I'm really starting to wish that I was settled down, had a few years work experience and all that already so I could have a kid of my own

My question is - why do parents keep children they don't want? If a mother gets pregnant and she's unhappy about it due to costs, impact on her own life etc etc why doesn't give the child up for adoption or something like that so another couple who actually want to have a baby will get the chance.

Well, that kid would probably have a good chance of just ending up in a foster home instead of being adopted.

True. But if it's a good foster home - wouldn't it be better for a child to stay there than with parents who never really wanted him anyway, and are just raising him because they have to..?

I must admit to days of thinking (and saying to on more than one occasion) that I was right for 32 years...

all in all though I love my little blighters. Still not interested in other people's children though - especially after yesterday's trip to the zoo

Just on that last point - it is never going to be an easy decision to give your children up for adoption - even if you were ambivalent about children beforehand.

When you have a child, a strong bond is created 99% of the time - even in difficult circumstances, most people would have terrible difficulty handing over their kid.

I know I couldn't for anything short of a life or death situation.

sprout