h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are so many mistakes in the other posting of mine, that I have rewritten it, because I want my postings and Journals to be clear.



Since a few years I visit the virtual café of a Dutch erotic website for women, although men are "tolerated, if they behave reserved".
My national quality newspaper had written about it and so I surfed to see for myself. The website appeared to have different kinds of forums. Forums about sex in all it's diversities, including many practical questions, stories from female members, a forum for male members, photogalleries, etc. etc. ánd, as I said, a virtual café.



The whole website is nót commercial. It's all done by female volunteers and just one paid full-timer. A woman, ofcourse.
The atmosphere is unique ,compared to what I think the rest is at the www.
Visitors are mainly 20 to 40. Discussions in the café are held with care and a very mature attitude. And there's a lot of humor.A lot to laugh about.Really.

One or two times in a year about 20 members of the website meet each other in a café in Holland or Belgium. Last time I joined too, because the meeting was in Amsterdam. It was a very warm experience. I really enjoyed it and some others too, who went home a few days later.....


During my very first visit, I posted one of my stories in the topic "my first time". It was the story "Tracy, my first love" F134334?thread=304462 and I received unexpectedly at that website lots of postings. It was overwhelming and after some time it inspired me to write more and more stories and when I discovered h2g2 it appeared to be a real home for me to write and share it here with you.



Besides a lot of "off topics" and friendships and humor, there appear to be at that site also a few blogs. I did not know that, because the café is the heart of the website and I mainly stay and post there.
So I suddenly discovered this week the blogs. They appear to exist already for years.
The first one I did read was Marianne´s life with bdsm = bondage,dominance, sadism and masochism.


In the passed years I really changed my prejudices about it.
The women who explained their opinions and experiences in the virtual café described it in terms of "balance","choice","delicate","intimate","orgasms","give and take",
"mature", choices, freedom, etc. etc.

It's true that men believe SM-women just want to be treated as a pig, etc. etc. It says more about them and me, then about the women who enjoy it and appear to be courageous and unshamed enough to even share, with their nickname.

It is true, that men are far more conservative than women regarding sex.

One of the women I know from the virtual cafe for years, appears to be one of the blogwriters I just descovered. I know her as an intelligent, warm, caring person with an open attitude towards life.


Before I started to read some postings of her blog, I was already knocked out by her introduction. She writes that short introduction not as "I", but as "she".

And here it is.
Quote;
`Marianne, an intentional female slave has just passed her 30 years of age. She lives in a far advanced bdsm-relation. Master Peter is her owner.(literally). Here you'll find extracts of her diary. Everything is made public with the approval of her master`. End of her quote.


I did feel knocked out and I still am.
I choose to respond about it carefully in the virtual café. I have not looked at the postings after mine..

Every word almost bites in my body and soul.
I feel suffocated.
I wished and wish I didn´t know. But now I do.
And the more time passes by, the more it hurts.


Why?
Because I understand, that this is far and fár more than a delicate sexual game. She appears to live as a complete slave 24 hours in a day, seven days a week, four weeks a month, twelve months a year, since 2003. Thát.
I don´t say that she can never change that choice. I assume there will be rituals for that. I hope. I believe.

Quote;"Master Peter is her owner.(literally)".
I knów he doesn´t treat her as an animal.
I know that she isn´t insane, addicted to any drugs, etc. etc.



"Master Peter is her owner.(literally)". These words echo in my soul.

Marianne writes, that her "master has decided" at what time she has to go to bed every day and far, far more then that.
In one occasian, she writes, she had been chatting untill twelve and "full of shame I call my Master on the phone and he told me I would get 65 very hard spankings at my cheeks". Most of the times it results for her in orgasms, which is not unimportant.

"Master Peter is her owner.(literally)"
Isn´t she capable of dealing with equality, I wonder.
Is this a very complex way to get sexual satisfaction.
I could ask her, but I do not dare, because it will make me more vulnerable.

But why "owner"
Why "litterary"
Why every day, seven days a week, all the seasons /since two years /

Why calling your master because you "really feel guilty" by not going to bed as he decided.
This reaches out much further than erotic relations.In my opinion.
It covers her entire way of living and hurts me.
Thát´s why my heart is bleeding.
I cannot help it.
Maybe I am all wrong and I appear to stumble over my own prejudices,but I don´t think so.

I stumble in a land that isn´t my own and never will be. Not in this way.

"He is my master. Literary"
It wounds me, álso because I myself had my "master" in the first 18 years of my life. My mother who fully claimed my attention for all her sorrows. I realize that that is part of my shock. But not all.


I almost feel being a participant, because I know now.
Well or not leaving the website and its community is the first choise to make.
At least I had the strength for a clear, but calm posting in the topic about her blog. The knowledge makes me a participant, tháts wat buggs me.

I feel a real shock by imagining a human being who makes SM as a way of living. Who literary lives as a slave all day long, all nights long, all the days of the passed two years and there will be more to come.
She has two children, although I realize that I do nót kwow about what théy know.

Now she's a person who does "feel réally guilty", by not going to bed as he decided.
What does it stand for, and why does she prefer, Quote, "him to bind me with a long rope in the Japanese way, because that way I receive móre of his attention, in stead of just binding me in ten minutes". End quote.

`Attention, attentio, attenti, attent, atten, atte, att, at, a,............

Is her way of living the ónly option for her to experience "attention".
Well, I choose not to ask hér, or others, at the website and neither here at h2g2, although feel free to reáct from what this posting does with yourselves.

I realize that she is the ónly one that can answer my questions.
By writing this all down, I am trying to calm and lay these questions to rest, far away , as written letters on a screen, and not as nails in my soul.
I don´t want to accept this way of living. I revólt.



I´ll go on with my own journey through life.



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bdsm (bondage,dominance, sadism and masochism).

She uses another name in her blogs ,then here in my posting.

"literary" must be "literally".

We all keep learning, every day, everywhere.

I'll just keep writing about it.
Wonderful to have a private journal.

What really shocks me is not so much the scale of bdsm in her sexual life, but that her total personality = total life has become property
of someone else.
Property?
Yes, property.

Quote;
"I am his property. Literally and totally".

It goes much further than bdsm-sex, in my opinion at this moment.



I feel a certain correlation with a song of James Blunt. Some words, and the atmosphere of the song. The hurry, the rush, mystery, etc.

It is so much in contrast with my own life. That's probably also a trigger. To get in touch with my own inner self and I cannot imagine/accept that a healthy "innerself" of someone else, would long
nót to be and just live life as the property of someone else.

Quote song "Don't Go"




Don't go

Is it a warning, is it an evil sign, is it a people,
who had lost their mind, is it the darkness
is it a man resigned, is it a best friend leaving you behind
is it a good thing, is it a gifting kind,
is it a profit with a one track mind, is it the finish, is it a fearful find,
is it the centre as your brain unwinds...

(Chorus)
Don't go where you been before, dont go sleeping on the floor
dont go down on dirty whores
dont lose your self x3

is it evil, is it gunna make u sick,
is now a time that you realise that you betta get out quick
is it hunger is it making you feel pain,
did u give u all, cuz ur only small and now your bodys drained
is it ever gunna stop, will they ever let u go
ur in a rush, they dont care enough, and theyre thinking very slow
time is ticking on, we dont get a second shot
and in 60 years,we gotta face our fears, and show the cards we've got...

Don't go where you been before, dont go sleeping on the floor
dont go down on dirty whores
dont lose your self x6

Quote Alfredo; "It goes much further than bdsm-sex, in my opinion at this moment".



Yes, that's my "problem".
It is not a "game" at the domain of her sex, but the domain of her private and social life as well.
Totally.