h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To be Hosted by Tiny3 (but he doesn't know yet).

Can you tell me where my beans went? only one came up! That won't feed many.

How can I stop my neighbours from gardening? They make me feel so inadequate. They have chimeneas, I have creeping buttercup. They have outdoor parties, I have brambles.

Why do I have all their weeds, and how do I get revenge?

Borrow a cow (or yak) from a local farmer, to eat the buttercups (or pick the petals and turn them into butter for your tea).

Pick blackberries from the brambles. They are best eaten fresh, but you can make them into a tart if you like cooking. Lucky you, to have such a garden !

DSONJC,

All you have to do is declare your garden is a carefully nurtured wildlife haven, and thereby infinitly superior to any artificial regimented desert.

Master J of St. G,

It is sad to see those two tits so far apart.

Thanks, Ali. That is a very good idea. I think garden is too small for a yak, but instead of raising chickens as so many urban dwellers do, I could be the first person in my area to keep (a) sheep.

Do sheep eat brambles? Do you think one would be lonely on its own? There is probably enough greenery for two.

Actually my garden is lovely - very bushy and lush. So much better than taming it

Yes, that is what I will do. It is decided. All sorts of new wild flowers come up every year, which were never there before.

A further advantage is that when a friend's dogs come to stay, the poo is so well hidden that it disfigures nothing.

And there are loads of birds. I bet there's someone here who's an expert on birdsong - I hear so many different sorts. Blackbirds, chaffinches and nightingales I can identify - but I do wonder what the others are. No doubt they come to eat my slugs, who, bless them, eat all those horrible hostas.

If your local farmer can't supply a Yak, then there's a couple of Yak 52's based at Popham airfield. Trouble is they don't go much on Buttercups, much preferring Avgas 100LL (Or similar)

Best Regards

Phil Little (Or 'The Little Little' Who'se actually bigger than Snr!)

Sorry folksI did answer the questions but posted on the wrong board, I have slapped my wrist and am standing in the corner.

Here is the missing post from Tiny Tit

Thank you Chel for giving me(?) this thread, you know I once thought of you as a friend--Does La Verne take females?.

Anyway as I am not expected to write an article and my spelling will not now be corrected I will answer any questions I can.

Master James, I am sorry that your Beans did'nt do to well,I would cosset the one you have left and telephone the Australian Embassy to see if anybody down under has found some unexpected plants.

D.S.O.M.J.C,you must remember that some people do enjoy gardening,they really do get a lot of joy from tilling the soil,DO NOT let this make you feel inadequate- get out there and show them that you can dig the dirt better than they can.

I would not recommend Chimeneas I have heard(I do'nt have them myself) that they have to be swept at least once a year and it is getting more difficult to find a person to do it,as regards creeping Buttercups I suggest a weed killer but do take care it is'nt BLOWN OVER THE GARDEN NEXT DOOR or the boy friend if he is close by.

I am not sure parties is a question for this thread, but I can make two suggestions, weeds and other green garden waste has to be disposed of and ash is very good for the plants,the other suggestion really depends on tbe age of the party goers, in my limited experience most noisy parties are for the younger age group (in my case everyone else), might I reccomend playing records-quite loudly- of Des O'Connor ect,I believe it could work.
As for the Brambles, I was told once that it is possible to make Bramble Jelly though I have never tried to-let me know how you make out.

AS to why you have all these weeds,perhaps you just naturally attract them, try going to different pubs,clubs, ect,as for revenge just put it down to experience dear.

Here endeth Tiny Titch's contribution for this the first edition, will there be a second?v

That could be debatable Tom!

Some may take an interest in how others make out - but the h2g2 Yikes button may well get pressed if we are too graphic!

My fuscia cutting of last year is looking fab....

....as to the other, no complaints - complacently ing - you see where this could go?

No posts as to Making Out - but Gardening Related Progress Reports may be read with interest!

CG, Tiny Tom's self-appointed editor for 24 July.

Cotoneaster is very good value, many different varieties, looks pretty in winter, easy to propagate (if you drop a clipping it will root), also widely planted in public places so you can steal cuttings. (no harm done, it grows fast)

C.G. you,mentioned some time ago about planting out your cutting, further to that I looked-up a couple of fuschias that are'hardy' and can be left out all year.

There are quite a few in the books that are available,here are just a couple:

Avalanche, scarlet/purple,foliage yellowish green.

Baby Blue Eyes,red/lavender.

Dollar Princess, red/purple.

Annabel,Pinky White/Creamy White.

Abbe Farges, light cerise/lilac.

All the above are medium height except Abbe which a low grower,i.e less than 2ft,I would plant them in a fairly sheltered spot as even hardy plants of this type cannot tolerate hard frosts.
Hope you ( or anyone else )finds this useful.

Would Baby Blue Eyes mirror your owen chel?

Absolutely, Tiny Second!

I think I may have the Doller ones - well, they are a vibrant pink and purple with dark green leaves - spectacular - but I would like to grow more so I will see if I can find some of the ones you suggest.

(for want of a <fuscia&gt

Hullo'Mercenary Social Climber'well Dollar princess,I ask you,hope all is going well with the hoeing ect, you should be able to take cuttings from Dollar P'

My garden is a bit of a mess at the moment, never caught-up with the week away I had-everything is growing so fast,we must press-on regardless with the weeding ect.

I have had trouble with the odd Fox or two which has been useing the garden as a public toilet as well as doing some actual damage to the plants, my daughter has also had trouble but in addition to the damage to the garden the animals decided to make a home under the garden shed.

We both tried Renadine which was successful for a time,but both of us have recently put down 'Silent Roar'which are pellets that smell of lion dung,we have'nt been useing it for long and it is a little on the expensive side, but the results we have had are promising and barring heavy rain the deterent effect should last for some months.

The flower borders have stood-up to the hot weather very well,I have given a general watering only once so far, as I believe that to encourage shallow rooting as watering daily would do could bring trouble if it is missed for a day or two, but the potplants are given a drink morning and evening and you can see they appreciate it.

Hope you have'nt had too much wildlife trouble on your estate your highness, and I approve the choice of colour to match your eyes with the Fuscia. Titch

(Mon 11 Aug 09:20)

Talking of fuchsias, I found one of mine completely stripped of leaves yesterday. Curled up on a bare twig was a large elephant hawk moth caterpillar, which had apparently eaten the lot. I was very impressed with this little beast - it's the same colour & stripe as a tabby cat's tail (and not a lot smaller), and has a trunk-like nose.

Can anyone suggest an organic way of discouraging creatures such as these?

Icy

Icy,I must say that I have never heard of a caterpilla attacking a Fuschia,I looked in a couple of books I have and the cat's are'nt mentioned there either,next time I go to the local gardening centre I will ask.
In the mean time from your discription it seems to be leaf& bud drop which can be caused by Red Spider mite, or by the atmosthere being too dry,as far as I know the only treatment for the mites are intersecides,there is a predatory mite available but i'm not sure wherefrom.

Hope this will help in some way. Tom

Thanks Tom, but I have no doubt whatsoever that this caterpillar (Deilephila elpenor) was the culprit. My field guide to insects mentions that they usually eat bedstraw and rosebay willowherb, but also go for clarkia and fuchsia.

And this site confirms the fuchsia link:
http://www.consult-eco.ndirect.co.uk/entomol/chmmoths/elephnhk.htm

To me, being found lying belching on a stripped plant is sufficient evidence.