h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry to everyone that I've been away for a while...

You'll all have to get used to this I'm afraid as when I'm feeling really bad or really good I wont come on here as its either going to be
a) too much effort and too upsetting and I cant be bothered to do anything
b) too boring, I cant concentrate, etc etc.

I've just recovered from being practically comotose in bed...so you know...be nice and everything.

Here's a wonderful list of bipolar symptoms for anyone who wants to know or just likes me and wants to know more about me.

Bipolar Symptoms

Mania

Someone in a manic episode may exhibit some of the following symptoms:

Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
Extreme irritability
Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
Being very easily distracted
Can thrive on very little sleep
Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers (delusions)
Hallucinations
Poor judgment
Spending sprees
Increased sexual drive
Abuse of drugs
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
Denial that anything is wrong



Depression

The symptoms of depression can include:

Depressed mood and low self-esteem
Low energy and feeling slowed down
Sadness, loneliness, helplessness, guilt
Slow speech, fatigue, and poor coordination
Insomnia or oversleeping
Suicidal thoughts and feelings
Poor concentration
Lack of interest or pleasure in activities usually enjoyed



There is also what is called "mixed" episodes, where they show symptoms of both mania and depression at the same time. This can be very confusing for the individual, and their feelings and actions may not seem to "match" so to speak.

s for Kat.

hiya kat,...

long time no speak girl..

listen i don't get on here as much as i used to either in fact my space is like the carlsberg complaints dept,,,but if you ever need anyone to talk to drop me a line at [email protected] i check the mail every couple of days.

in fact i did try & send you mail one time but go no reply guess you were busy...

anyway hope life is dealing you some better cards be good

wazzow

Kat kat kat.... Can you tell me about Borderline... is it the same or not?

Bipolar is the new word for manic depression.
Borderline is different, talk to Stealth about that but be careful that he doesnt draw you into how awful it is for him etc too much as Borderlines tend to leech from people very badly. Its part of who they are.

Actually I CAN tell you about Borderline.
It is a Personality Disorder.
The ways of diagnosing it are difficult and vague, which means that people can easily be misdiagnosed. However, the majority of borderlines are very obvious in their problems.
One method of diagnosis is the chart below. Most people feel like this sometimes, especially teenagers. This does NOT mean that you are borderline. This is normal. Borderlines experience these things a lot and have a number of other problems.


DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1) Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in (5)

2) A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3) Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4) Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in (5)

5) Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, threats or self-mutilating behaviour.

6) Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8) Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.





All of these problems are usually VERY marked and VERY obvious. I was misdiagnosed as borderline a number of years ago. Since then I have been misdiagnosed as Schizophrenic as well. As you can imagine, my trust in psychiatrists is very low. It is currently hitting an all-time low following a time with a particularly incompetent psych who bullied and patronised me.




This week I am finding things very very difficult. Im supposed to be going away on a youth group weekend this weekend and Im very scared and dead about it.Currently Im finding it very difficult to do anything and today I got up at 1pm. This was only because I then went outside in a tshirt and underwear and stood in the pouring rain and gale force winds for five minutes. I dont know what this did to me but it has mean that I have put on a jumper and pyjama bottoms and made some food. I feel as if everything is too hard. Earlier just turning over in bed was too hard. Now typing, my hands are practically still on the keyboard whilst my fingers are trying to do everything without moving too much. Its tiring and hard.
I see my life as this. I see it as a minus achievement. I have nothing and do nothing. I see it as an empty space with fear and apathy and pain. I see myself as lazy and good for nothing. I crave the normal things that everyone else does. I long to go to college and have a job and go out on Fridays and see friends but I dont.
Last night I argued with Nick because I want to go and see her next weekend. This would mean five hours and three trains.
She didnt understand how I could do that when recently I havent been able to get out of bed to say goodbye to her, or go to Birmingham to see her off, or go out the house.
I said that I could do this one thing even though it seems much bigger than any of the other things. I said that she does it and so I dont see why i cant as I dont need to keep moving and so staying put for a long train journey is easier for me than it is for her because she has to keep moving or else she gets scared. I cant make her see that I want the chance to do this one thing. I dont do anything normal and I wanted to prove to myself if nobody else that I can do one thing normally.
I find it very hard to talk to people, but at the same time i find it very easy. I can go on and on and on about myself sometimes but it doesnt actually go anywhere. It just goes round and round in a self pitying circle that i can see but can do nothing about. I hate that. Sometimes I cant talk about myself.
The psychologist finds me very interesting because I can block things so effectively and i seem to have been doing it since I was very very small. This is a problem because it means that as soon as i hear or think something that i dont like or will make me think i block it. This means that I dont tend to think about things, I feel things and wait until the last minute and do whatever I want at the time.
Example:

Im walking along with Nick. I have an envelope containing the application to do my ALevels at home. I dont want to do my ALevels at home, but i dont want to go to college. I have avoided thinking about it because Im scared of it and im scared of myself.
"Should I post it?"
"I dont know Kat, you havent really thought about it have you and i think that seeing as youre asking you should leave it until tomorrow so you can think"
"Nahh, lets see when we get to the postbox"
We get to the postbox
"Shall i? Shalln't i? Oh whatever"
I drop it in.

This action had no thought behind it or anything, it was just my impulse. This is the sort of thing I do every day without thought of consequence or past. I dont live in the future at all. I find it incrediably difficult to see anything in the future unless it is two hours away or twnety years away which is safe and not likely to come true.

I dont know what else I can say today. Maybe Ill say some more. I want my friends who are on here to be able to understand me, as I find more and more that I dont want people to understand me and I am trying to wrap myself away from the world. So this is my way of trying to let the world back into me.

Kat
xx

More from me in tuther post. Unsubscribing from this now... x

Taijiquan

General Semantics

Sophrology

Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Trying things out for yourself for real (such as starting a new business, travelling the world for a purpose - world peace, world health, etc...)

*blinks vaguely*

Excuse me?

I was merely listing *techniques* to embed relaxation in your nervous system.

These are not intellectual ideas that you can take onboard, think about, and like or dislike.

Instead they are ways of getting and staying sane of mind and body.

Take your pick, choose from your own culture or any other that you fancy, and get your head down.

After a few weeks of practice (for example the Chinese Water method of Taoist mediation, but anything else will have parallel effects, ask your psy about NLP, Jung, Caycedo, etc...), you will relax of your own, without trying.

Start relaxing your little finger, and the hand will follow.

Tips you will find everywhere, practice you will find only in yourself.

No money to pay to anybody, just your time, everyday.

Small problem....
I wont have the patience
Ill set out to fail
Ill get scared
Relaxing wont make me sane

But Im interested to know...just...not very convinced...

Relaxation; imagine a world where...

your stomack is relaxed all the time (i.e. the thing just below your navel that gets twisted and painful

your breathing is deep, slow and fullfilling (i.e. whichever physical activity you set out to perform, you will get the oxygen for it)

your posture is relaxing (well aligned spine, limbs, head, feet, all fall in as if you were a new born baby, all relaxed, all subtle, never getting hurt when falling, etc...)

you can see your emotions coming and going, as if you were an independant third party (a bit like a toll gate keeper, where you can say no)


This sounds like nothing much, but these minute *physical* adjustments have a profound *mental* effect. Sanity is just round the corner.

Regards,

*panicks REALLY badly*

soisfranc, what you're suggesting certainly sounds helpful, but you have to remember that not everything works for everyone, and Kat might prefer different ways of dealing with things

Joe,

There are more than one aspects to sanity, health, ...

Food can be used to tame and support the body and the mind.
Healthy food, vegetalian food, etc...

Louise Hay (and a whole raft of others, completely individual and different "new age" practitioners) use alternative therapies (massage, aromatherapy, hypnosis, reflexology, ...), positive thinking, magic (wicca) et caetera.

Others, like Friedrich Nietzsche, tried to anchor themselves in reality (maybe H2G2 can be used for that purpose). And the fact that his mental condition caught up with him at the end of his life is not damming: he still had a life.

Carl Jung also fought against his condition, and through the study of dreams in all the countries of the world, he helped others (not everybody responds to Freud's methods of healing).

Regards

Its not just the horse-hugging thing. Herr Nietzsche was scared of women, very bitter and spent much of his time alone in a room after he got kicked out of Wagner's crew. Not anti-semitic, but very Social Darwinist. Believed in the Deutsch Ubermensch hunting through the forests yada yada yada.

Probably not a good role model .

Food: problem equals difficulties with eating at all some days and eating everything in sight other days.
Aromatherapy gives me a head-ache
Massage and hypnosis aren't happening due to a big fear about trust etc.
positive thinking? Erm...Joe...tell the world about my positive thinking...
Magic? *sniggers*

Can't I just flop back and let it all rush over me?