h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I came all the way back here from London to see my bubster and I found his page in the very throes of minimalism and now apparently he's out there getting eaten by sharks!!

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

*does some industrial-strength worrying*

Stop worrying. His bubsterousness is always minimal (bubsterus minimus?) and the sharks would just as likely spit him out...

*comes back with a white butt*

Those shyster skin-transplant doctors!

I bet bubster now has a shark skin butt.

That would be something usefull. Yes indeedy.

I dunno. Sharks have sharp skin, like sharp enough to CUT you. I don't know if his trousers would hold up.

Yes, but just think of how he could defend himself in case of mugging!

*imagines bubster walking down the street, defenseless--apparently*

bubster: Here I am, walking down the street. Hum de doo.

Mugger: Ha! I've got you now! Gimme yer wallet.

bubster: *thinks* He doesn't know I have a DANGEROUSLY SHARPENED BUTT!

Mugger: Why are you turning around? Why do you have a metal panel sewed on your trousers?

Metal panel on the back of bubster's trousers: CLANK. *opens*

*mugger is cut to ribbons by bubster's DANGEROUSLY SHARPENED BUTT*

Mugger: Ow. Ooh. What a hideously undignified death.

bubster: You think YOU'VE got problems.

Metal panel on the back of bubster's trousers: *CLANKs sadly in agreement*

What? You couldn't at least ridicule my entire existence in Flash?

*falls over laughing and goes into crazy convulsions*

EEEhhEEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEEEEHEEEE!!!!

Ooh, Flash. Hmmm. I still have two other thingies I'm working on that I'll probably never finish either but that should go on the list, yes.

Oooo!! Will you put it on the special "To never be finished" list??

My message to you telling you all about my Christmas is on that list. heh.

So you don't want to see the history of attack monkeys? Thought not.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that the world SO needs to see the history of attack monkeys! Almost as much as we need to see bubster's butt cleaving the mugging population!

*is all excited and imagining things*