h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I disapprove of how rarely I see your page, bubster. I completely disapprove.

I shall look at it now for an extended period of time to compensate for the time I have spent not looking at it. I will look at it until my eyes cross.

*looks*

*enters with eye drops*

She'll need these.

*passes out*

*passes out eyedrops*

*has some and then an m&m*

Mmmmmmmmmmmm mm.

I'm alsmost never here myself.

Except for the mmmmm's.

I'm not sure where, exactly, I am right now. *boggles*

Hint: not in Kansas anymore.

But very very nearly in Illinois. I could go there right now, in fact.

Wait--I've never even BEEN to Kansas! What are you, a Wicked Witch or something?

*thinks*

No, the Good Witch lived in the South. Important stuff to know.

Would ya go to Illinois in a balloon?

I betcha would.

But, you know, who wouldn't?

*ponders this*

I bet the Lion wouldn't.

A water balloon?

*goes out and beats up some clowns and snaggs their balloons in a brilliant and delicate new plan to get to Australia*

Oooh!

*begins paying close attention to wind speed and direction*

*gazes longingly at the horizon*

*stands irritatedly in a Chicago public park with 9 balloons and an arrest warrent*

You know this isn't going as well as I'd hoped.